What should I do ... I dont want my husband to start resenting me

Alisha - posted on 11/17/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )

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My husband is absolutly amazing to me. I know that I can be a bit spazy at times and that I am controling .. but he knew that when he married me. I am starting to feel like what I do can never be enought to show him how wonderful he is and how much I appreciate him.
We have a one month old currently, and even though he works more than I do he insists I stay in bed and get more sleep. He makes dinner while I am at work. He makes sure to tell me at least 5 times a day that to him I am the sexyest woman alive and that he loves me and never ever leaves the house without kissing me. He programs pop ups in the computer with messages for when i get on.
So my question is this, aside from keeping the house clean, and and being our book keeper, is there any suggestions as to what I can do as a gesture to let him know how much he means to me especially with all this stress from the new baby and not being able to find a sitter?

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#1 Don't complain.Love him unconditionally and make him feel needed and wanted.Put him first after God.You married him not your child,his needs are #1 to you.Of course there are exceptions with a new baby,but you all can figure that out.Sex is important,guys need this form of love.Plus when we get into it we love it too!Must read Dr.Laura Schlessinger's Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands,Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage,and In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms.

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Angela - posted on 12/01/2009

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marriage isnt, you do someting for me, i do something for you. #1 he isnt doing this to earn points if he is genuine and sounds like he is. he does what he does because he wants to. my husband is the same way and the only thing he ever asked me to do is to love him with all my heart. i do and by virtue of that act of love, i will and do want to do things that make him smile and feel special. it takes time to learn what makes his eye twinkle and sometimes just the smallest gesture can be so amazing to him. give him respect, kindness, trust and laugh with him as much as possible. we went sledding the other day off of a huge snow plowed hill where they dumped all the extra snow. we had a blast using garbage can lids...lol he loved the fact i went with him on his adventure. take time to know him and the rest will come naturally. by the way, i am no spring chicken, i am 46 yrs old so youth can be wasted on the young. enjoy and remember, you were friends first and lovers then parents.....dont give up one for the other.

Cami - posted on 11/28/2009

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I am not here to do a sales pitch, but I have a game called 52 Naughty Nights that is FABULOUS.......not kinky, very romantic, fun things you can do at home to show him how much you love him!! There are also scratch off cards for him to do as well. I LOVE it!!! If you want to know about it, let me know......xoxoxo All this advice was GREAT. I say for sure appreciation is the best thing you can show. Keep things fun and new and exciting so communication stays open and Dr. Laura's book is amazing!

Liza - posted on 11/25/2009

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Have a nice long conversation about how you feel. Tell him you have been a little stessed out and sleep deprived from the new baby (we have all been there!) And that you don't mean to freak out on him. A new baby can put some stress on a relationship. Tell him how much you really do appreciate what he does for you and the baby. Also, try to plan some alone time. A date night can work wonders and is great for a relationship! Just keep doing what you are doing, you are doing fine. I'm sure he will be understanding. Once the baby is a little older, things will get easier!

Shayna - posted on 11/21/2009

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Find out his love language. Everyone has a different and more prominent ways that they feel loved. Most things fall under five general categories: Quality Time, Touch (both sexual and non-sexual), Gifts, Affirming Words, and Acts of Service. There are quizzes online that you could take if you wanted to each find out each other's love languages more exactly than guesses. There's also the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gray Chapman. It's a really cool thing to do and helps each person feel loved in the marriage when they are receiving love in the way most special to them and focusing on doing the same for their significant other. For example, my husband loves affirming (encouraging) words and acts of service, so when I tell hime how much I appreciate him and make him dinner, he feels loved. Mine are primarily touch and acts of service. He tells me all the time what he appreciates but it doesn't hit me as hard as when he gives me a massage or makes me food.
I highly recommend learning about love languages. And all the fun ideas for little things to do here and there (love notes, activities, etc.) are great to intersperse in any relationship. :)

Donna - posted on 11/21/2009

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Arrange for him to be able to do his favorite activity, cook his favorite meal on your day off, put love notes in his coat/jacket for him to find later, etc. There are many different things you can do. Just think creatively!

Danyella - posted on 11/21/2009

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I find that my hubby likes it when he has time to just chill and work on the cars. But he likes for me to sit, watch him, and talk. I also like to take special requests for dinner & movies. I try to surprise him with a clean house!

Stacia - posted on 11/21/2009

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You are so lucky to have a wonderful husband! All of the ladies gave wonderful ideas but they best way is just to tell him how much he means to you and that you appreciate everything that he does for your family!

Bobbie - posted on 11/21/2009

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take the simplest route, tell him , men understand simple, and they actually appreciate it more, girl, just love him, god blessed your family

Alisha - posted on 11/19/2009

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thanks everyone ... I have a few ideas... with the lack of sleep recently I have been at his throat so this will help show him I still care.

Katie - posted on 11/19/2009

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Just reciprocate! Tell him every day that you love him, give him hugs (and kisses!) often. Do sweet little things. I leave a dry erase marker in the bathroom and use it to write little notes on the mirror to my DH. I make him cookies when I can or if I am out shopping I buy him a treat. Just do the things he does and make sure to tell him how much you appreciate him. He sounds like my DH.

[deleted account]

I posted the below post in another group awhile back then after I had received a few comments on how special the ladies thought my dear husband was I let him read my post and the replies. He blushed :)

I want to say what makes my hubby so precious to me. 
I love how he treats me and makes me feel. He makes me feel like a queen by all the little things that he does. 
He tells me that he loves me at least 20 times a day
When I am tired he literally tucks me into bed and keeps the kids quiet til I wake. And when I wake he comes in and kisses me up :)
I love how he opens all car and building doors for me. I never had a man do that before.
I love how we are together all the time. We are only apart 4 hours a day while he is at his part time job. We spend all other time together.
I love how he looks at me. I love how when we apart in Wal Mart for 5 minutes then see each other again his face seems to light up.
I love "our" song that he picked out. It does seem to fit.  "I Love how You Love Me" by: Bobby Vinton.  :)
I just Love my Dale!!!

Laura - posted on 11/19/2009

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Well, all these replies should be enough to get us all started: show our husbands our love by telling them we love them, by getting a bit more physical too, and by supporting them.
This is the tricky part, actually...not all men enjoy things the same way. I mean, cooking my hubby his favorite meal helps, but not really with 3 kids sharing the table.. (and not time or money either to go out for dinner) so I initiated this "once-a-month-special-occasion" it means one Saturday per month we will plan a meal, cook it and enjoy it together. Children go a bit earlier to bed, I had done all the shopping (he chose the menu) and we prepare everything together. It's fab to spend quality time like that! a glass of wine while cooking, talking about whatever not, no stress, a tête-à-tête...and usually nice sex afterward. It just comes naturally :-)

Petula - posted on 11/19/2009

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What i actually do - and you have to make the time though even ten minutes - when my hubby is in the bath, I will actually go and bath him myself - ie: like i would my own kids - sounds wierd, i know , but not only does it give me those few minutes alone with him, I get to give him that physical touch that we dont often get to do with our busy lives...during this time we dont have to talk , its just the physical presence thats says alot!!!

[deleted account]

Cards. No joke. It is still hard for me to explain how I feel because I am terrible at saying the right words. So I make him cards so that I can write what I want to say and then I'll edit it over and over again till I get it right. This has actually gotten me back into writing poetry as well.

Amy - posted on 11/18/2009

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I'm sort of in the same boat, except I'm the one that works full time and my hubby is a stay at home dad. He dose most of the stuff around the house and what not. Just take a look at things he likes and try to do something that would fit into that.

Rent a movie that you know he'd love and have a nice quiet movie night (try to plan it around your baby's sleeping schedule).

I do wood working, and so one year I made a windmill wall hanging for him, he just loved it, and knew how much time and effort that went into it.

Plan a "guys" night for him. Call up some of his friends and get him out of the house to have fun away from your new baby.

Millie - posted on 11/18/2009

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I have the same husband as Alisha, the best compliment to him is when I cook him his favorite meal(s) and also try to show him you love him more than just saying you love him. For example, kiss him more, hold him more, show him you are really into him. Don't just say it. That gets old very quickly. If you take the bull by the horns more often and find that you initiate intimacy as much as he does or more, that shows him that you are worthy of his love and not taking it all for granted. I know that you get tired with the baby, work, etc., trust me I do too. I just find that the simplest of affections goes a very long way and keeps you both very intimate with each other. Also, do something for him that he wouldn't expect. Run an errand for him, offer to give him a shave, a back rub or foot massage, get him a coffee/tea run, etc. I could go on and on.



Best of luck to you.

Christina - posted on 11/18/2009

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I'm going to follow up to see if any of you other woman have any good advise -- I'm in the same shoes as Alisha Moore -- I have a wonderful husband and its hard to show my appreciation for all that he does for me.



You could hide love you notes in his lunch / shoe / car --- if you can't make then pop up on the computer like his do

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