What to do about husband talking to women?

Valentine - posted 34 seconds ago

when he starts saying he is single.... It means he is not acknowledging ur presence to the other woman. So if they finally get together how is he going to hide the faact that he is married? How is he going to avoid the late night calls. In this situation u start asking yourself if he is considering leaving you for this woman. Of course u have trust issues... Who wouldn't when he has cheated not once but twice! I know exactly how u feel because im in the same boat! my husband seems to think pursuing woman is ok as long as they hvent agreed to be his gf.... I mean WTF? I hve given him an ultimatum... Its either me or the other woman... I dd not sign up to share him when i took my vows and i wont!!!

Erica - posted on 03/16/2013

I feel IF your husband was able and had a history of purly platonic relationships with other women...it would be fine. HOWEVER...he has broken your trust by having inappropriate conversations with women and cheating on you. He blew it. He broke that trust. He has to suffer the consequences, which is...he lost the right to talk with other women, plain and simple. He is the one who brought mistrust into your marriage. He cheated, he has to suck it up. If he is truly sorry and has no intentions of cheating again (emotionally or physically)...then he has to earn your trust back by accepting the limitations you have placed on him (with good reason). If you let him 'get away' with talking to other women or cheating...chances are, he will do it again. Trust me. I know. I have let my husband get away with sexual chat with other women online for years. I now have a keylogger on his computer and tablet (and soon his phone) to make sure it is not physical cheating. Just last week, after 6 months of him not talking to other women, we get into one little argument and BAM! There he is on Craigslist...looking to hook up. Still just all on line stuff...but he lied right to my face. According to good ol' Dr. Phil, we show people how to treat us by what we accept and what we don't. I am a stay-at-home mom. I am kind of trapped right now. But I can say whole heartedly that I don't love my husband. And he admits he does not love me. If I did love him...I would be destroyed by all he has done to me. If I could go back in time, I would have 'laid down the law' a long time ago. If your husband loves you & values your marriage, your relationship...even if it seems 'unfair' to him...he would not talk to women, simply because it causes you pain, worry and insecurity....that his inappropriate conversations and past cheating put into you in the first place. He invited this mistrust into your marriage, not you. "The definition of maturity is when you realize that your pleasures are not worth someone else's pain". It sounds like your husband has a lot of growing up to do. He is choosing his friendships/conversations with other women over you. Those conversations are more important to him then your feelings. Not cool.

Sandy - posted on 09/03/2012

I was at walmart Parked next to A guy in a truck as soon as I got out he said hi u are a sexy mama I turned to look and noticed he had his 5 year old with him while he was waiting for his wife. This made me a little mad cause I hoped my husband wasn't doing this as well.

Sandy - posted on 08/31/2012

I think it depends on the circumstances and situation. If he is talking to women randonly, or eyeing the ones he likes. Every guy wants someone other than their wifes to find them attractive. Call it a ego boost. It okay part of life but it gets compliated when there more going on then the basic conversation of hello.

Larissa - posted on 10/01/2011

There has to be trust. Im sure you constantly feel angry or anxious or stressed just thinking about what he's doing when he's not around you. My husband went through a year of messing up (not cheating, but with money problem and drinking behind my back and stuff like that) and we had to seek help. Now we look at situations with the thought in mind of "Would I be mad if my husband/wife did this?) And if we hesitate for even a second to say no then we ask the other person first. The key is communication. He needs to put in some work if he wants to stay with you. And may I suggest finding a good church? That has really helped with my marriage. Keep your head up, here's the affirmation you need: I don't think you are wrong for what your saying to him. Alot of people have just said "oh trust him" or "grow up and trust each other" or "you have trust issues" its not that easy! and DUH she has trust issues!!! Look what he's done to her!!! IF, and only IF your husband was trying to earn your trust back and keep it then I would say to you that you need to try to trust him again, but if he's still out there doing whatever he wants and you can't then thats just WRONG!! I hope you get the help your marriage needs, and I really really hope you guys find a nice church :)

Lilliana - posted on 09/26/2011

Hi fellow mama,

I am so sorry that your husband ever broke your trust- that's heartbreaking!
I understand how hard it would be to trust him again- HARD!
Do you feel like your marriage is worth working really really hard for? This is not rhetorical!! Seriously- is it worth it to you?

If so, I would seek counseling. Sounds like you have a hard time trusting him and he pushes boundaries!

When you say "talk" do you literally mean speak to other women?? If so, you have a problem lovely. You NEED to feel as if your husband can talk to a million woman (platonically) and still KNOW he will come home adoring you!

My husband speaks to people ALLL day, men and women. But everynight he comes home to me and our children and he makes me feel like I'm all he will ever need. You should feel this way too!

Although we do all control how we feel, your husband should be helping make you feel loved and secure. And by cheating on you he tore that apart.

Maybe set reasonable boundaries?

I'm babbling. Good luck mama!

Wendi - posted on 09/14/2011

i let him have his girl friends. trust definitly takes time.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 09/08/2011

If you believe that it's disrespectful to you if your spouse speaks to another woman, unless it's obviously flirting, you seem to have some trust issues. The same with your husband if he has issues with you talking to other guys. Of course reading other posts that he's cheated on you in the past makes me think of my ex. You really should seek either marriage counceling or a divorce because in my experiance it's once a cheater always a cheater.

On topic though one of my husband's closest friends is a woman. Of course it's more of a brother/sister relationship and I'm friends with her too, but they are very close. Of course we live 12hrs from her in another province, but they talk alot.

I also have some guy friends and my husband knows about them. I trust my husband enough to know he won't cheat on my like my ex did and he trusts me enough to know that I won't cheat on him. It sounds like your marriage has no trust at all.

Jill - posted on 09/08/2011

The rule in our marriage is whats good enough for you is good enough for me. If my husband wants to go to the strip club? Fine. I get to go with my girlfriends to one too. If he wants to talk to girls? Fine. I get to talk to guys. It works both ways.

MAKENA - posted on 09/06/2011

you cannot say that you wll never talk to men coz they will talk to you. he too cannot promise not to talk to girls, point is, if you both of love and build a strong circle for you two, it doesnt matter who talks to you or what they say. since he says men talk to you coz they have only see your pants is that what he sees when talking to other ladies? build a relatonship and seek help if necessary pls

Jane - posted on 09/06/2011

You did not say that he had cheated on you before, not once but twice, nor did you say that he tells women he is single although he is not, That does change things a bit.

It sounds to as if you need to let him know that you have no patience for his philandering any longer and then leave him for someone like my husband, who never cheated on me just as I never cheated on him. We both wore our wedding rings all the time and neither one of us ever said we were single.

You need to find someone like that and forget this guy. He is not going to change.

Tabitha - posted on 09/06/2011

hey just thought id add my two cents worth, i was a lot like u with my ex he cheated on me at least 6 times that i know about and silly me kept forgiving him, i found myself feeling clingy and not trusting and it got to a point where i decided that if i keep tolerating this its just going to continue, so eventually i decided it was best to leave and since then have met a fantastic guy (been together 3 yrs now) and not once have i thought about him cheating. I honestly think once someone has cheated that we loose respect for that person and it makes us think every woman they are talking to that they are sleeping with, I suggest marriage councilling if that doesnt work then maybe its time to sit and think about what is going to make u happy long term, and remember eventually what makes u happy will make ur kids happy. Good luck with your choice I know its not an easy one to make

Carol - posted on 09/06/2011

Jane: i dont know your story with your husband, but its hard to trust someone after they have cheated on you, especially when they go behind your back after you have asked them not to do something, and do it not once but twice. I dont care if my husband talks to people he went to high school with, i care if its people he dosent even know and he decided to tell them he is single, or that their cute, pretty, beautiful or not even tell them he is marred/ or has been and that he has kids. Michelle we are looking into marrige counselling.

Michelle - posted on 09/06/2011

I'm sorry but he has double standards. He thinks it's ok for him to talk to the opposite sex but not you.
You both need to reasses your relationship. There is no way I would tell my husband who he can and can't talk to and vice versa. I've even met up with an old school friend (male) for coffee. My husband trusts me completely and I trust him.
You need to work on the trust. My ex husband cheated on me and I found it hard to trust him, hence why he is now my ex, but I know my current husband would never do that to me.
Maybe get some marriage counselling.

Jane - posted on 09/06/2011

Personally, I think the two of you need to grow up and learn to trust each other. Either that or become joined at the hip and never go anywhere alone ever again.

Carol - posted on 09/06/2011

I've asked him to do that, and I don't talk to any guys unless its my landlord or the matainance guy, and thats rare for me to talk to them at all. He makes a huge deal if its someone i went to school with because im married, but the girls he talks to are all single and mostly talks to them because they dont talk to him about money, kids or ask him to do something ( I rarely do that anymore because it takes him forever or if hes watching the kids, within a few minutes hes asking for help or complaining about watching them.)

MAKENA - posted on 09/06/2011

As hard as we may try to avoid it, interaction between people of different sexes even after marriage is part of life. important thing to note is that your partner comes first and there needs to be mutual respect. limit the kind of talk you have with other men and let your husband know he needs do the same. i know from experience that this kind of behaviour does ruin relationships. a stitch in time........