Wonderful husband's family saying hurtful things about him. Should I stay out of it?

Bethany - posted on 01/18/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My husband comes from a family background of drugs, abuse, and neglect. He has become a wonderful man who is determined to stop this cycle, however his mother and half sister who lives in another state has said some EXTREMELY cruel things about him recently through e-mail. He doesn't really like to communicate with his mother often and wants nothing to do with his sister since they are still choosing to live this horrible lifestyle. I have always tried to stay out of it because I felt this is between him and his mother and sister, but they just went on about how horrible of a person he is and just went too far this time. i am extremely upset about this and want to respond and defend him since i see it completely the opposite. Should I tell them how i feel and defend my husband or just stay out of it? I have already written what i want to say to them, but haven't sent it yet. I will take any feedback I can get before i get involved. thanks

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Vickie - posted on 01/20/2010

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Talk to your husband about it & suggest that he either change his email address & not give it to them or block them from his email. Stay out of it because they'll only turn on you & make you out to be the bad person. You don't need this kind of grief. Just stand by your husband & be there for him.

Betsy - posted on 01/19/2010

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My initial reaction would naturally be to defend my husband and be justified in doing so. However, I personally would talk to my husband about my upset feelings and let it go...Sadly, unless the family is alcohol/drug-free, sought some counseling, working a program, which it doesn't quite sound like they've made any "self-growth progress", then your words would be falling on folks who's reasoning ability is not up to par...May you find peace about this through talking it out with your hubby...

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13 Comments

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Danette - posted on 01/22/2010

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Always come to your husbands defense. If he is a wonderful husband and father, say so. Do not get involved in things that happened before you were part of the picture. But if what they are saying is current, correct them. As his wife you are his best friend and partner.

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I would tell them how you feel. After all, you are part of the family too. Why not stick up for him. Wouldn't you want him to do the same for you?

Mary - posted on 01/22/2010

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My husband is also wonderful. My family also doesn't see him that way. I have tried to defend him as often as they slam him...to no avail. I personally think sometimes it is better to just ignore them. The more you try to defend him, the more they are going to say..just keep telling yourself that they are ignorant and it will make you feel better. As long as you know the truth, nothing else should matter.

Bethany - posted on 01/21/2010

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Thanks for your responses. I have decided to just stay out of it.........for now. I saved the e-mail his family wrote for evidence in the future. If i ever hear anything out of their mouths myself though I won't be able to restrain myself!

Mary - posted on 01/21/2010

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just try and stay out of it i know it must hurt you so much and good luck from mary

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First I would print out this email and show it to my husband and get his thoughts about it, then if it was ok with him I would respond!! If you do choose to reply keep a copy of your email also just in case something was to come of it that way you cant be lied on or they cant lie about what ever they have said!!
My husband and I are one and very commited to each other so for us, if our family tried to hurt us we would take up for each other no matter what!!
Good luck in whatever you decide to do, just remember that you have to do what is right for you and your husband!!

CJ - posted on 01/20/2010

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There are a lot of great replies on here! Way too go ladies! I vote for ignore (no reason to acknowledge lies), support (remind him daily he is your knight in shining armor) and move on! "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Gen 2:24 We were created for one reason to be a suitable helper for man, he is our defender we are his support.

Brenda - posted on 01/19/2010

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Talk to your husband and see what he wants. Let him deal with his family! They dont sound like they are worth the bother. people only say hurtful things to make themselves feel better! If he already feels good about himself, I would leave it alone.

Natasha - posted on 01/18/2010

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my husband came from the same background with his dad, honestly if it was me i couldn't keep my mouth shut i would defend my husband all the way. you know your husband and know who he is as a person, my husband would defend me i would have to defend him

Tabb - posted on 01/18/2010

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Girl, ANYBODY says something like that about my Hubbs and it's on like Donkey Kong!! I have let my in-laws know (long before we got married) that I won't put up with anything. You are his partner, you are supposed to defend him, I know it's probably some crazy thing that will just lead to more and more drama, but that's your man. He made the choice to be a responsible adult and that is what matters. Words are just that, words; BUT they can hurt, and nobody wants that, or whats to put up with that. I would say what I needed to say, looks like if you dont' stick up for him NO ONE is. Good luck!

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