15 yr olds first breakup

[deleted account] ( 12 moms have responded )

My 15yr old daughter just broke up with her bf of 1 1\2 yrs. She is very upset because of the way it happened, she found out from a friend first instead of from him. I talked to her about it and she is pretty level-headed about the whole thing. But... what's the best way to handle it?

1.) you are better off now...

2.) there are plenty of other boys out there....

3.) sympathy and caring and shoulder to lean on....

4.) something else.

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April SM - posted on 03/05/2014

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hi I am 14 and I just had a harsh break up I am ultra sad and I need coping tips plz reply ty

Cara - posted on 05/04/2010

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Be there to listen, don't judge, and don't disregard her feelings. My dd13 and her first boyfriend broke up after she found out at a weekend conference that he had about 10 other girls he was playing at the same time. This was the boy who got her first kiss, so for her it was very traumatic. We talked, cried,etc and it took a few months for her to really let it go. We discussed many things that she learned from the relationship, including the qualities that she really wanted to look for in a guy. She now has a wonderful boyfriend, that her father and I really like, who is respectful, and very much the kind of guy that she wants in her life.
My daughter says - The hardest thing about the breakup with him was not letting myself hate him, and to learn to view him as a friend instead of an ex. But I learned that I haven't really forgiven him until I am truly happy for him no matter what his decisions are. "

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Rebecca - posted on 07/25/2010

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Sorry she should not have a boyfriend at that age. Sorry my children, son and daughter are not allowed to have one. School comes first. They have the rest of their lives to find one.

Ramona - posted on 07/05/2010

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Oh, I am sorry. Breaking up is so hard no matter what age. I would be sure to listen, give a shoulder to cry on, etc..., but as others has said, don't bad mouth him.

Shirley - posted on 03/01/2010

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Be there and encourage her to talk about whatever she wants to talk about and let her lead with the topics.Let her know you're not there to judge him or her.the worse thing you can do is badmouth him in any way! she'll go into defensive mode and start making excuses for him, and all the sudden you're the bad guy.give her time to move forward at her own pace.
It's hard to be on the sidelines knowing she's hurting,I haven't gone thru it with my daughter yet, but my son (16 at time)and his first serious relationship.It was very hard.

Kay - posted on 02/16/2010

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my sister has went through this.. it sucks seems like ur stuck between two rocks and dont know what to say. what i have figured out that works best is that if your just there for them and comfort them when they need you it goes pretty good. but if you just blow them off and say get over it and what ever else your kids will take it harder and think you dont care about your feelings then loose connection with you and it will lead to other things. not trusting and ect jst be there for your kids thats the key to life

Tammy - posted on 01/18/2010

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Wow! The first love saga. I remember mine like it was yesterday and its been almost 20 years. I can still feel the pain. This is one I have not had to deal with yet. But my mom was awesome and did everything and then some for me. She cried with me, and held me. I'm talking for days. She let me mope and miss school. The whole time she did so much by saying so little. I don't think theres a right thing to say or do but to let nature run its coarse. Wait for her to talk, like my mom did. It worked. After a while I wasn't sure who got dumped me or my mom. Just let her know this is part of growing up, she'll always remember this first love for years to come. She'll see him and feel as nervous as she did when she met him for the first time, but she'll move on. And one day when she's found her actual soul mate and runs into her first love, she'll thank him for showing her first hand the beginng of love and that he'll always be a part of heart and the reason she loves as she does. Good luck. Tell her to be strong and its ok to screamas loud and as hard as she can. It helped me. And wait, she's gonna come to you first, thats what mom's are for.

Nancy - posted on 01/16/2010

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my 15 year old broke off with her boyfriend of 3 months 2 weeks ago. He was a kid who wanted his way in the realtionship and did not seem to care how she was feeling or what she wanted. he expected her to be at his house which is about an hour away from me almost everyday.I just moved my dad in temporarily due to his having dementia and she knows that it is very hard for me to get her where she wants to go sometimes.
This young man did not care about what she and her family was and is going through. He expected her to come and see him regardless of the situation. She finally got tired of his attitude and told him it was over.I told her that she did not need to be in that type of relationship and that there are other guys out there who will treat her alot better than that. She seems alot happier since she broke it off with him.I am very proud of her for making her own decision on this matter.Your daughter will find others. All you can do is let her know you love her and are there for her if she needs a shoulder to cry on and someone to talk to.

Rose - posted on 08/07/2009

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I didn't say much to my daughter after her first break up. I was just there for a hug or agreement of what she said about the boy. I let her vent to me and eventually she found another boy to date.

Amanda - posted on 07/31/2009

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relate to her. let her know how you can understand so she doesnt think your being lame. tell her you kow shes hurting and validate her feelings. keep it positive so you dont push her away.

[deleted account]

Listen and be there, show some empathy, You know she'll eventually get over it but to her this is really the end of the world. Don't diminish her feelings, tell her some stories of yourself when you were let downby a friend. Let her feel you'll be there to listen and support her. Remember us women sometimes don't want a solution, just a shoulder to cry on!!!

Mary - posted on 07/09/2009

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Be there for her. My 16 y/o broke up with her boyfriend of 1 1/2 years in spring of this year. She cried a lot that first week. She says it was a mutual decision. He (the boyfriend) comes by occassionally now. I tell him not to hurt her and I tell her she can tell him not to come by. They go for walks and talk.

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