how do u start the talk about sex with my girls

Terri - posted on 03/24/2010

Watch the show "16 and Pregnant" with your daughter (most likely she already watches it b/c she's curious).....my daughter and I have had our best sex talks while watching that show!! Good Luck! Be open and tell her sex is a beautiful thing between 2 mature and committed adults. My daughter has learned that if she ever were to get pregnant the guy most likely would not stick around...that show is a great springboard to start a conversation about sex!

Vette - posted on 03/11/2010

I find it just helps to be honest. i remember the first time my girls asked me what gay meant. I said it means to be happy and we all laughed. where as that is true, I also explained that it meant liking your same sex as a love interest. I also try to keep the mood light and fun. I use the shows they watch on tv as learning time. we watch shows together and have discussions. try it is great and we get to spend quality time together while in a learning environment. best of luck!

Tasha - posted on 02/27/2010

What you can do is ask them what they know about sex. Also see if they're interested in talking about it with you. Some schools talk about sex prevention in health class. See what they know and elaborate from there. I have a thirteen year old daughter and I talk about sex with her a lot. Only because our children's friends may have had sex or may have the desire to have sex; we talk about same sex and oral. Please don't be afraid. Ask your family doctor to help you or see if she or he is willing to talk to your child or children.

Lisa - posted on 09/04/2009

Well truthfully when both of my girls turned 8 I explained started the conversation by saying "I know you have heard things from friends at school, now lets discuss it to see if it is accurate". The majority of things my kids heard from friends was way off base. I know it is difficult but the talks is necessary now! I was very detailed in an appropriate way when telling my kids so they know the truth, and consequences of having sex. They didn't like the detail but I feel better that they know the truth. One misconception was told to one of my daughters from a friend was you couldn't get pregnant standing up. CRAZY or what. Your really don't know what the other kids are telling her. Good Luck?

Rory - posted on 09/03/2009

I bought books to start her off with after she read them she had some questions that she wanted to ask. They also have sex education in school.

Amy - posted on 05/02/2009

My older daughter was 2 when I was pregnant with my second. That is when we started the talk. At that time, it was mostly about babies growing in a mom's tummy. As they got older, we talked about private body parts and good and bad/inappropriate touches. When my older daughter, now 15, was about 10, we talked more about periods and sex. Having been open with our girls from the start, made this talk a lot easier and such a "big deal". When we talk about it now she ask me "do we really have to talk about this again?"

Liz - posted on 05/01/2009

First of all how old are your girls? Always keep everything age appropriate. We started very young with our kids talking about sex. An innocent question such as why are you and daddy always kissing can open a dialogue about sex. A commercial, an outfit a woman is wearing, a television show, or just about anything can get kids thinking and wondering and asking. Our girls have always asked why mommies and daddies sleep together in the same bed. That was a doozy to try and answer lol. BUt anywhooo....I digress *as always* and the point is take advantage of their questions and open up an age appropriate dialogue with them.

Talking about sex is really a very good thing. I did not raise one of my daughters (she was adopted out I was 15 when I had her and now we have a relationship) and she became a teen mother as well. I have 2 teen girls at home that are 17 and 14 that are not sexually active and have no plans to be. Our 14 year old has taken the Purity Promise. The difference is this: My oldest daughter said to me that if her parents (her adoptive parents that raised her) had talked to her about sex she most likely would not have had sex so young and would have waited a very long time to have sex. I have talked with other teen mothers and they have said the same thing. Their parents never talked with them about sex. And if they did all they said was don't do it. We have been talking to our 17 and 14 year old since they were little. It does make a huge difference. I know if my parents would have talked with me about sex I never would have been a teen mother either.

Society has made something beautiful and natural so taboo. It is ridiculous. Give the facts but also let them know about the emotional part of sex as well and how that is giving up a piece of themselves that is probably the most precious thing about themselves they can give someone. If you have boys let them know they are doing the same thing. Let the boys know there are emotions for them as well. The teen boys that I have talked with that are sexually active have always told me there was more to sex than what they thought. It is important for boys to understand what they are taking from the girls they sleep with. They also need to be taught about birth control and condom use each and every time they have a sexual encounter.

We have taught our children abstinence is the best option. However, if they decided they are going to become sexually active they would be given the option of birth control. What people teach their children is up to them though.

If you are a Christian parent I do not recommend allowing your children to attend the sex ed classes at school. They do not teach abstinence and they teach sex is ok before marriage if you are protected. That is not something that we as a Christian parents that we believe in. We believe sex education begins and belongs in the home and is one of the biggest responsibilities we have as parents to teach our children about. However, this belief is not what all people believe and you should do what is best for your family.

Good luck with your talk and I will pray that the Lord gives you the right things to say to your girls!

Erynn - posted on 05/01/2009

Whatever you do, don't "freak out" or get angry if they tell you they know something that you feel they are too young to know, or that they have done something you feel they are too young to do. That will kill all lines of communication, and they won't come to you when the situation has the potential to get out of control. You always want to be their #1 ally.

Pam - posted on 01/29/2009

Hi Talina,

There is an excellent book that I bought for my daughter called Cycle Savvy by Toni Weschler. It was recommended to me by Dr. Christiane Northrup (best-selling author of several books).  The book explains what happens in the body on a day-to-day basis and during pregnancy.  There is also information about birth control.  It's well-written, easy to understand and is great for starting conversations about the subject. My husband and I both read the book before giving it to our daughter. Now we can be sure that she is getting the correct information and I have been able to give her the opening to discuss any issues with me.  I highly recommend this book for all teenage girls.

Ginny - posted on 01/24/2009

Depending on their age, I'd strongly recommend the American girl "body" books and Marc Brown's book, So What's the Big Secret? The best conversations are the ones that come up all by themselves. You don't have to be all nervous about trying to start a conversation....instead, be ready to talk when the subjects come up from commercials, talk shows, movies and music. Don't be afraid to ask them questions about what they think about things and try to remember the age-old rule of thumb when they're little and you're not quite prepared ...answer only the question that they've asked.Good luck, GM

Renee - posted on 01/24/2009

Our daughter has always been currious about sex since a young age.  It's always helped to just tell her what she needed to know and leave it at that.  She is now almost 14 and has a healthy and accurate view of sex.  She comes to me with everything (almost to the point of making me uncomfortable).  I'm glad because my own mom was approachable too.  My dad was old fashioned, but because my mom was open, I made smart choices at a young age.

Carrie - posted on 01/21/2009

One of the important things we have done with my daughter is to answer any and all of her questions (provided they are not about personal experience). Sometimes its not the most comfortable thing but we do it. If she asks what something means the first thing we do is ask her what she thinks it means. This gives us a guideline for how much information to share with her. She may know more than you think or she may just be looking for a simple answer. TV and movies are great as far as bringing up topics. We always laugh at the Victoria's Secret commercials and say how real women don't act or look like that. Use those open doors to create a conversation. Sometimes its easier to just pretend you didn't hear what was said but then the door is closed and you will be stuck bringing it up which is very uncomfortable. We also have always openly discussed sex in our house. There are no "bad words" that should be avoided and she knows she can say anything she wants. Its a tough parental responsibility but just remember - if she doesn't hear it from you, she'll still hear it and who knows where or how accurate that will be.

Holly - posted on 01/21/2009

Quoting Michele:

I recommend you check out an American Girl book called "The Care and Keeping of You". It does a good job of explaining the whole growing up thing. That may be a good starting point.

I second that. I got it for my daughter at 9 and told her that if she had any questions to ask. She had questions and we continue to talk about it today.(She's 15) She has a bf now and I continue to stress to her to talk to me before making any decisions about sex so that I can support her whatever that decision may be and help her to protect herself. Communication often and openly is key.And most importantly Don't judge her decisions no matter how hard that might be.

Talina - posted on 01/20/2009

thank u it was very helpful i knew what i wanted to say I just wanted to get some opinions to see if i was headed in the right direction thank u very much

Deangela-Deanne - posted on 01/19/2009

You know how your body works and there are some wonderful resources out there. Just hunt on line or at the library. There is a wonderful video on how life starts and lots of books on the human body. She needs to understand a certain amount aobut how men work too (limit some of this though) or she will try to discover it on her own! This is natural so don't avoid it.

Deangela-Deanne - posted on 01/19/2009

As soon as possible.

I start at 2 years of age and grow it with what they need to know. My girls all rll their eyes, but they know the facts and how their bodies work. No surprises and total confidence.

If they are older they may have missed essential stuff and probably know more about sex than you do.

Jump on it and make it natural. You must make it important enough to you to get over being uncomfortable. They need this!

Jennifer - posted on 01/16/2009

I have already had this talk with my 13 year old daughter & I was just open, honest & direct. I wanted to make sure she was armed with all the information she needs to be safe & make good decisions.

Priscilla - posted on 01/15/2009

I just reread that. She IS 16 now. But, when she was 12 or so we had our first major conversation.

Priscilla - posted on 01/15/2009

No matter what or how you say things...it WILL be very akward! You just have to fight through it and keep talking....no matter how much your daughter says to stop. I found that I have to ask 100 questions to get 2 answers. Some call it being nosey...I am just involved. My daughter is 16 and as I was doing her hair one day (thank GOD I couldn't see her face) we talked about the birds & the bees. She asked very blunt questions & I answered as honestly as I could. AGAIN...SO GLAD I couldn't look at her at the time.

That really helped OPEN the communication. Always remember...they know more than you think! School age kids learn LOTS! Just be honest & keep the doors open as best you can. Build trust with her. Keep telling her that although her friends are friends with her...you will always know more than them. You will be honest and have HER best interest at heart. NOBODY in the world can say that except a parent 100% of the time.

Ok. I"m rambling. Good luck.

Charlene - posted on 01/13/2009

I have heard that is a great book to start with.

Charlene - posted on 01/13/2009

Depends on which daughter it is.  The 13 yr old has probably already heard somethings about sex at school.  Maybe not directly from friends, but definitely in passing (on the bus, in the lunchline etc).  I would start off casually asking her what she has heard about sex so far.  If she seems uncomfortable, give her a story of how growing up you heard some really strange things about sex that were not true and you wonder if kids are still telling the same stories.  For the 11 yr old, I would ask her if it's mentioned often at school?  If she says it is ask her why she thinks it is such a popular topic and if she has any questions about it. 

We actually sat my daughter down at 11 (just before middle school) and asked her what she had heard and if she had any questions.  She didn't but it did lead into the conversation of telling her that in middle school she may hear lots of things and we wanted her to know the truth about those things.  We also explained that just because we had explained things to her, it was not her place to try to educate all of her peers.  That even if she heard something that was not true she didn't discuss it, that it is a parent's job to educate their children on sex.  It worked out really well and now she comes to us all the time with different things about sex, it's definitely opened the door for communication. 

Hope this helps---Good luck!

Michele - posted on 01/12/2009

I recommend you check out an American Girl book called "The Care and Keeping of You". It does a good job of explaining the whole growing up thing. That may be a good starting point.