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My child of the corn

Brandy - posted on 02/09/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I am 19 raising my 14 year old sister.
She is a mess.
I've had her since October 2010 and things just get progressively worse as the time goes by. I can't get her to respect me as an authority figure or to do what I ask. And my demands aren't unreasonable.
She has a list of chores daily. For example, yesterday her chores were to put the laundry in the dryer and start another load (5 minutes), unload the dishwasher (10 minutes) and vacuum the living room (5 minutes). I work a crazy shift that starts anywhere between 2&4pm and I get home anywhere between 11&130 Saturday through Wednesday. So I'm not there to crack a whip and micromanage her, so nothing gets done.
also she is terrible in school. she is very intelligent and speaks her mind.Sometimes she speaks her mind too much, which makes me wondering she has a social filter at all. I think her vice principal has me on speed dial.
I can't get her up in the mornings either. I've tried a reward/punishment system and understanding and tough love. Nothing works.Every morning I get some new ailment she has developed overnight and a debate as to why she shouldn't have to go to school. in our state you can only have 15 days excused or unexcused that you can miss before you fail your grade and your parent goes to jail. She is sitting at 12 right now, and only two of them were legitimate sick days.
Any suggestions would be helpful, though this is the tip of the iceberg.

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Terri - posted on 03/09/2011

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11

I'm raising 17 yr old and 15 yr old girls myself right now so I totally understand the trouble you're having..tho at least they are MINE so I don't have quite as much trouble w/ the authority figure issue that you're having. First of all I want to tell you that I think it's awesome what you're trying to do for her!! Raising kids is never easy, but especially in a situation like yours!!

Have you tried just talking to your sister and asking her WHY she's behaving this way? I know of course she can tell you anything she wants, if she's even willing to talk at all, but maybe if she knows that you genuinely care and want to hear what she has to say then she'll be more inclined to open up. We have a similar situation w/ my 17 yr old...she will basically refuse to do anything that she's told...but if we ASK her and treat her like an adult then she's much more inclined to comply. We have my girls in counseling and she recently told us that if she's ordered to do something it just makes her feel like a kid and makes her want to rebel and not do anything at all. Also...do you ever praise her for the things she does do right? I know that may seem impossible right now, but it can start out w/ really small things. This is another of those things we heard from my daughter...that when we're constantly getting onto her for not doing something right it makes her not want to bother trying anymore because 'whats the point'? I realized after she said all those things that I'd felt the same way when I was her age. But anyway...if y'all continue to struggle so much maybe y'all could talk w/ her school counselor or get some recommendations for counseling services in your area. The counseling group we see w/ my daughters actually provide services free to troubled teens and their families. Good luck to you and your sister!!

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