My daughters dressing habits.

Jennifer - posted on 02/08/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My daughter has just moved back in with me after living with her father for two years. He had asked for a chance to have the kids since we divorced when they were 6 and 3. they are 16 and 18 now. We are good friends so we were able to sit and discuss it with the kids. Well now she is back with me. Her dress is really sloppy and I took her out the other day to go get her and her 8 year old sisters hair done along with mani and pedis. She wore her ex boyfriends pants, way too big with writing all over them. An ICP hat with the bill sticking straight up. I was embarrassed to say the least. I asked her to change and she told me that she was just being herself and stop trying to change her. Im not sure how to handle this without a huge fight. I want her to be able to express herself she is very artistic, but I cant have her going out like that. I know she is not my girly girl. Im just not sure how to compromise or if i should or what. Help I need some advice. I can be very controlling and not wanting to go that route.

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♥TIA♥ - posted on 12/22/2010

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I think it's just a growing pain phase for you and a time that will pass for her. Be patient mom, soon she should grow out of it and be the beautiful young female you expect her to be. Pushing it, expecting and trying to make her can only cause friction and at that age it's always nice to be able to still rebel while they still can.

Nelly - posted on 11/05/2010

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I have a 14 year old and every night I lay her clothes out and in the morning she puts it on.

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My eldest(23 yrs) went through her stages too. From totally boy looking, not caring about her weight or anything. A super short haircut and tomboy look had the relatives thinking she was some strange boy that walked into the room, they didn't even recognize her. Then it was the goth/rock look. All black all the time. Black nails, black make up, studs, spikes and big black noisy boots. I was a giryl girl in a way. I didn't care for dresses but my jeans were all designer and I wouldn't leave the house without my hair styled and make up on. My daughter was girly when younger. I don't know what happened and I don't have any sons to influence her. I didn't like it but let her be her since her character and personality didn't reflect her choice of style. She is well liked and loved. It all calmed down once she started working. She still has her dark moments but dresses the part when needed.

My 2nd daughter is the total opposite and I have to get on her about her clothes. Shes very girly, takes way too much time prepping, and tries to wear things I don't approve of. When I look back on it, I wished my eldest was more girly and now I wish my 2nd wasn't so girly.Dealing with a tomboy was easier than trying to control an overconfident girly girl! I have a 3rd daughter and I constantly run scenarios in my head about what it will be like when shes a teen! God help me! Shes only 7 now so I have some time until I have to worry about it but its on my mind all the time. I think you should let your daughter be herself and just let her know that you are ok with it and importantly... who SHE is. Then talk to her about how sometimes certain clothing is best for her and why. A trip to the saloon is not a place that she needs to dress the way you think she should. I think its great that she doesn't worry about others judging her. I worried my whole life and it made me very insecure. I missed out on a lot worrying about what I looked liked, my weight, my hair, make-up, fashion... it all prevented me from being me and having the confidence to be independent and a go getter. Something to think about. I envy my daughter for being her!

Alycia - posted on 04/08/2010

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It's just a fase let her wear what she wants, if you try and fight her on this odds are you won't win and she'll dress even stranger to show you she has the control over what she wears (and she does) I say let her do what she wants and just accept, like Teresa said, no one notices because all kids dress odd.

Heather - posted on 04/06/2010

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i say let her wear what she wants unless otherwise innappropriate to do so...so yes out to dinner or to family functions and things of that nature insisting she changes is good but otherwise let her express herself! and hopefully this is a faze and she will realize that this won't be the 'in thing" forever....be thank full that it isn't the other side of the spectrum and you aren't fighting her to put on clothes that are more appropriate....my mother always told me to pick your battles! so yeah let her express who she is but draw the line somewhere like going out for dinner or any other family function then put your foot down! you won't be controlling at all you are letting her be herself but even that has rules! My teenager is 14 and i am coming to the realization that she isn't a girly girl either but even she has rules on what she can wear out!

Teresa - posted on 02/11/2010

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I have a 16 yr old that wears the lounge pants/pajama pants and an ICP shirt and tennis shoes. I don't like it either and if we are going out to eat or somewhere it wouldn't be appropriate I do make her change at least the pajama pants. Otherwise I figure she's the one wearing it and if it doesn't embarrass her then I'll just go with the flow. Alot of the kids are wearing the same kind of things so noone notices except for us...the "older" crowd.

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