[deleted account] ( 45 moms have responded )
Help, please. I'm new here and I'd like some outside thoughts on a big confrontation going on between me and my 16 year old dd. She's an awesome kid, we've always gotten along, excellent student, very responsible, mature for her age. She has 2 ear cartilage piercings, as well as 2 ear lobe piercings in each ear. I have no problems with pierced ears. Suddenly she wants her nose pierced. She wants studs on each side of her nose. Sorry, I don't mean to offend anyone with nose piercings but I just don't like them at all. I told my daughter she could do it when she's 18 but she's having a fit and wants it right now. She has bad allergies and allergy season is approaching. I see infection, blowing the studs out, etc. She says she knows she will eventually take them out when she has to (like for getting a job, which she plans to do this summer!) but claims there will be absolutely no scars and it will be no big deal. I've looked online and this just isn't true. It depends on the person and their skin whether there are scars. Oh, she's also been prone to keloid-type bumps at the sites of her ear cartilage piercings. I am imagining those on either side of her nose now when I look at her. Yuck. Initially I think this obsession began with a friend of hers wanting her nose pierced. My daughter told her friend that she did, too, but when she got hers done, she was going to get 2 piercings to be 'different'. Well, the friend decided that's what she would do, too. So my daughter wants it NOW so she'll have it before the friend who she feels has stolen her idea, her style. We've talked this out and discussed how this is NOT a good reason for wanting a piercing. She claims now that she doesn't care about the friend or what she does but just wants to do it because she's a teen and will never have the opportunity to express herself this way later in life once in college or in a career. She cries herself to sleep because she's so angry about my saying no. I truly don't understand what has created this total obsession or why this is so important to her and she hasn't explained it to me either. I don't like her thinking that how she looks is the only way she can express who she is. Yes, yes, I know that this is how nearly all teens think--it's all about their looks. But why couldn't it just be a haircut or color or clothing? Can someone help me by arguing either for or against this double nose piercing so I can look at this from a fresh perspective? It's starting to damage our relationship which is hurting both of us. Am I being foolish for saying no or is she being foolish for getting so obsessed? Thanks very much for your input.