Out of control teenager - no one will help?

Theresa - posted on 01/24/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Long story short, since she started highschool in September, 09 my daughter has gone off the deep end. I love her more than anything. She is my youngest daughter, child number 4 out of 5. She has been cutting school, cursing out both her father and I. Walking out of the home and staying away for 24 hours or more. Friday mid-evening, the police brought her home because she had been seen pointing out a neighbors house to a group of boys who had shot a young man associated with the family who lived there. After both my husband and I tried to talk to her, she walked out and didn't come back until last night! My husband and her got into another arguement and she walked out again! This time she called and threatened to kill everyone in the house, including her 8yr old brother. My husband has had it and so have I but I just don't know what to do anymore! I've asked for help from the police department, the highschool, local community intervention center for teens (Aunt Martha's), no one will help. My husband says just let her go! It's gotten really bad, because my son has nightmares about the GIRL MONSTER who is gonna come and hurt him and his parents, he was even afraid to go outside with me last night to get a bite to eat! What do I do? How do you help someone who refuses to be helped.

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Juliette - posted on 07/24/2012

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I too am dealing with a difficult 15 YO daughter, we have placed her in therapy, mental health facility, and even residental home for 5 months in the last 2 years since she has been displaying out of control behavior. Im very frustrated because I don't know what else to do. She insists that she is miserable and wants to be emancipated. I feel so out of control. I honestly don't know what else to do at this point, I am very involved with my church and she even refuses to go there. In order to avoid any blowups I stopped forcing her to go. I really thought she had changed after she came home in April after her 5 month residental stay, but we are back to the same behavior. As she was cutting when I first seeked help, I'm afraid she will revert to the same behavior again. I'm so scared and feel helpless(again).

Andrea - posted on 11/18/2011

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This is for Lea..You mentioned your daughter is at a residential treatment center...How did you go about making this happen? My 14yr old spent 5 days at a adolescent facility here in VA,which she did really well in,but they are only a temporary place to get them "stabilized?" I guess would be the right word..Ever since she came home about a month ago,she has gotten worse every day...I don't even know where else to turn now..we are going to counseling thru the mental health dept. but that is only 1x a week for an hour...thank you for any ideas you can give me..

Lea - posted on 01/27/2010

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I have been where you are and am still going through this. My daughter is now 17, and honestly, and I know it's hard to even think about but there may be some mental illness.....I have fought for years with the school and the police and the mental health department to get my daughter the help she needs....I have heard from them that there was nothing that they could do and that most of her behavior was "typical". It was not until she was found cutting her arm in the girl's bathroom of her highschool by fellow students that people paid attention....within a month she had a diagnosis (borderline personality disorder) and is now in a temporary residential treatment centre until the more permanent one becomes available.



My only advice, other than to truly sympathize with you, is to firstly protect your family....if that means she needs to be out (I know exactly how heartwrenching that is) then that's what you must do. Next, scream and yell for help until someone finally listens. Exhaust every possible avenue in the mental health department, and when you think you are done, look for more services. The kind of behavior that your daughter is exhibiting is beyond typical and my guess is if you asked her she would not know or be able to give a reasonable answer as to why she behaves the way that she does. And while I don't believe for a second that these children are capable of controlling it, they also need to understand that their behavior affects the ones she loves most in a very bad way, which means she can't be in your home.



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11 Comments

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Ww - posted on 06/03/2014

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We have a 17 years old who stopped going to school around 13. She got pregnant at 15, now at 17 she has a hand banger boyfriend who is violent. Violent being the key work here, and a baby and no schooling. What do you do? How do you get her back on track before she's 18. When she angry at the baby she those him at the mom and walks away. There has to be so etching. She's still a minor, before she gets killed in crossfire or caught as an accessory to something the boyfriend does, action needs to be taken but I don't know where to go.

Vee - posted on 02/23/2014

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Did your child make it to school or home from school? Where are they now? Is your child being bullied online, meeting strangers or viewing inappropriate content? Who are their new friends? Monitor your child's mobile phone to protect their well-being.Is your child involved with the wrong crowd? Then download vtechspy mobile software and spy on their phone. Silently monitor phone surroundings, text messages, GPS locations, call details, photos, social media activity and more.

VTECH SPY will reveal the truth.

www.vtechspy.com

Roxanna - posted on 02/16/2014

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I have a uncontrollable 15 year old boy he won't go to school even when we take him he steals the cars an destroys the house tells everyone to u know an when i try for help all anyone says it's I have to pay the price for what he does my other children are nothing like him I call the police they say that nothing I can do except I will have to do jail time for him I love him but can't take this no more I am sick an not sure what I can do

Kimberly - posted on 11/04/2013

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I been the the juvenile court to tried get help and i tried to see abouT othet proprogram but everybody want money and im just a single parent doing by myself

Kimberly - posted on 11/04/2013

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I have a 16 years old daughter whom think she grow dont want follow rules and been miss day out school and im get so tried i just dont now what to do now.can someone tell have get her help

Andrea - posted on 11/18/2011

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I feel your pain...I have the same situation,but I am a single parent with a 5yr old daughter as well...She willingly went for help at a hospital,she was there for 5 days..seemed to be doing great..but,everyday since she has been home has gotten worse..She also smokes weed,leaves the house without permission,won't go to school,curses me and throws the biggest tantrums I have ever seen. I'm afraid we are going to get kicked out of our apartment bc shes so loud. My daughter has always been in the gifted and talented program,honors classes etc..and now,she's failing school. I have her in counseling,we only go once a week,i'm hoping for more..I've been told,it takes time,but I' m afraid I'm running out of time. She is in trouble,emotionally and is on a path of self destruction. I know I didn't offer you any advice,but maybe you can find some peace in knowing you are not alone ...I understand your frustration as well..I have reached out for help as well and have received no help either...Prayers for you your daughter and your family...Just live it one day at a time..is the best I have to offer..Sometimes,I have live it one minute,one hour at a time..

Kelly - posted on 07/06/2011

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My name is Kelly Martin and I am a producer for The Bill Cunningham Show in NYC. I think we can help you. Please feel free to call me at: 212-419-7410 or: kmartin@billcunningham show.com

Cathy - posted on 02/01/2010

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You can press "uncontrollable child" charges against her. Then you will go to court where she will be put on probation. Have you taken her to see a therapist or counselor? These are things that I did with my daughter when she was 12 because I didn't want things to get worse. Thankfully, they haven't. I do live in Indiana so I don't know if the "uncontrollable child" option is available for where you live but is worth checking into. Good luck and never give up. I know there were many times when I wanted to.

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