What's an appropriate curfew for a 17yr old?

Pam - posted on 09/17/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 17 and will be 18 in November and she is starting to date. I want to be fair but it is difficult because I can hardly accept the fact that I am allowing her to date. She is a good kid, I am just over protective and I worry a lot. She thinks that 12am is fair, I'm not so sure. I would love to hear from some other Moms. Thanks in advance for your help.

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Holly - posted on 09/28/2009

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When my daughter was in HS and 17 her curfew as 11pm on weekend and only out 1 day each weekend.. once HS was done and she was in college, curfew was 10 through the week as she was in college and attending day classes and on the weekends NLT 1 am. If she was late we simply asked for a call and to know where she would be. The safety of a young gal these days out and about can frankly be scarey. I have one out of the house and 2 left adn will continue to use this rule. Keep in mind this may depend on your geographical location and the 'city' life of where you live. we lived in a smaller community of 30,000+ and in a transient location on a major highway. Best of luck always.

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My 16 yr old has a 9pm curfew during the week and weekends are 10 UNLESS she is doing something..like going to roller rink..movies etc... and its the same for my 19 yr old son...if HE is doing somehting,,,going to movies or whatever..i dont mind..but ive always told my kids that no matter how old they are i will always worry..and being that they live here... and they KNOW i CANNOT go to sleep until they are both in the house and door is locked..... and if i have to work the next day i still will stay up until they are home..and so far they have both respected that........there have even been times ive said my 16 yr old could stay out later and she ended up back here hours before curfew...i guess every situation is different and you know your kids the best...its just a call on your part.....good luck

Alycia - posted on 04/07/2010

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I think 12 is a good curfew. you need to realize she will soon be an adult, she's no longer a child and need to be able to make her own decisions.

Jodie - posted on 11/01/2009

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My daughter just turned 18 and she has been dating since she was 16. When she was 16, she was not allowed to be out during the week except for school activities and she was allowed one night on the weekend and she had to be in by 11:00. When she turned 17, the same rules applied but she was allowed to stay out until midnight on the weekend night. She is a very responsible girl and in 2 years, she has only been late twice... and both times she called and she was no later than 5-10 minutes. She knows that if we are not still up when she gets home, she has to come into our room and wake me or her dad up to let us know that she is home. Hope this helps you out. Good luck!

Maria Martie - posted on 09/19/2009

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Hi My daughter is 17 going to be 18 in a couple of months and she has been double dating since she was 16. I have always let her stay out until 10pm until last week. She has been doing well in school and has be so stressed out about the work load she carries that I told her she could stay out with her bff (my neice) until midnight. The funny thing is she was home by 9pm. So I think that you are right to be protective but go by best judgement. If she will take advantage of the oppurtunity to get in trouble then no but if you can trust her with the extra priviledge then I would say it should be ok.

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Jane - posted on 04/12/2010

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I'm assuming your daughter is a senior in high school. For my now 20 year old, when she was a senior, I let her stay out during the week until 9:30 or 10:00 depending on the activity which was mostly sports games. During the weekend, midnight.

Vette - posted on 04/07/2010

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hi pam,
i think that depends. how well do you know the guy she is dating or her friends? i took that into consideration. I know all of the parents so it depends on what they are doing. the usual curfew is 10pm. anything after that is case by case.

Mary - posted on 01/02/2010

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Depending on the week night, it all depends.

During the week 9 or 10 pm is fair enough if her grades are good.
But make sure she checks in every couple hours or so.
My 18 yo thought that just because she was allowed out until 12 she didn't have to call us at all. NO. She needs to check in. Just for Moms sanity at least.

Its like catching a fish really. If you feel her getting "too far" from you request she come home earlier those times.

Christine - posted on 01/02/2010

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my daughter is 17 going on 18 and she has been dating sense she was 16 I let her go out until 11pm but she normally stays home and hangout on the computer talking to her friends and her bf too and on the phone too or they text all night long. But you have to have trust in her. I now it's hard to think that our little baby's are all growing up now.

Katie - posted on 11/30/2009

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My daughter is 17 and drives. Her curfew was 10pm when she was 16, but has moved up to 11 as she has earned it. We live in a small community and sometimes her and a friend will drive an hour to a larger city to go to the movies or the mall. She has even been to a couple of concerts there with friends. We always discuss what her plans are and she carries a cell phone so that she can reach me or I can check on her. She always calls if she is going to be late. On the concert trips we made the allowance of a later curfew and everything was fine.

I really think it depends on the child. Go with your comfort level. Tell her you guys can reevaluate in a few months. Give her your expectations, does she meet them?

Becky - posted on 11/27/2009

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I absolutely agree with Cecelia Duron! My daughter is 16 & 1/2 and unless it's a school night, her curfew is always based on what the event is, where it is and who will be in attendance. Overall my daughter and I have always been very open with each other and have a great line of communication even though she is becoming her own individual and she sees the tricks and stunts her peers are able to pull off in order to basically do whatever they want. Either myself or my husband always pick her up, and/or drop her off and as she branches out and new situations arise I have stipulated that I expect her to check in with me by phone so I am aware of how she is faring and to confirm our pick up arrangements. However if I am not able to trust her motives or feel she is being dishonest than she loses her freedom altogether... I have seen time and time again the lies and manipulations that her peers use to deceive their parents and alot of times put themselves in dangerous situations and their parents have no idea. It scares me to think that if ever my daughter was to get into the same situations, I would not be able to help or guide her because I did not know the truth.

Cecilia - posted on 11/03/2009

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I feel that you have to make curfew adjustments based on the event and their maturity level. My daughter is 16. We discuss the events and come up with a reasonable time for her to come home. Sometimes that will be 9pm, sometimes 1am. It depends on the people there, what they are doing, etc. In our house, there is no one size fits all curfew. Honesty gets her a lot more leeway. If you trust your child to do what they know is right, then you don't have to worry so much.
I think it helps that she doesn't drive and I am usually the one to pick up or drop off. In the last 2 months, I have started to let her get rides to & from the movies or to school events, in those cases, she must be home by 11. There are no 'side' trips, only there & back. So far, we've had good luck. Since she knows that the times are negotiable, she's more open to talking about their plans.

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