I need help with my toddler!!!!

Ashley - posted on 12/20/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My daughter Faith is 18 months old and she is already acting like she is in her terrible 2's. I am also pregnant with another girl and I am being induced this Wednesday the 22nd at noon so she will be here before Christmas. I have no clue how Faith is going to react with a new baby and I don't want to make her jealous. Any advice or suggestions?

Also, I need advice on how to discipline Faith. All of these things are driving me and my fiance crazy and we don't know what to do.

She hits when you tell her no.
She won't come when you ask her to.
She throws her food on the floor and will not eat some meals.
She screams for no reason.
She kicks you when she's mad.

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[deleted account]

I have a thread on another group addressing behaviour issues with my son, we recently started the nose to the wall time-out method and its going really well, this is a first since nothing else we tried worked for him. Lerin has it right consistancy is key! As for jealousy it takes time to prepare a child for a sibling and then more time for them to adjust. For my son we're trying to emphasize the perks of being a big boy and once the baby gets here were going to really play up the big brother role. That consists of encouraging the older child to help with everything they can and want to and to really encourage their sense of sibling connection like instead of saying the baby say your little sister. And of course really focus on snuggle time with the older child, its hard to divide your attention and of course she will probably want attention at the most inconvenient times but its important to show her that you can love them both and give them both the attention they need. You'll know she needs more if theres an increase in her trying to get the wrong kind of attention. With Aiden he went through a phase of yelling randomly to get my attention I explained and showed him to tug on my shirt and I would give him snuggles and kisses and hugs, he stopped the random outbursts once he was given a trusted method of getting the attention he wanted. For that you have to be consistant too though so if you do something like that make it something that will stand out to you no matter how busy or distracted you are and regardless of what you're doing you have to stop and focus on them even if just for a minute. Even if she abuses it for the first little while don't discourage her because she'll get bored of doing it all the time and just do it when she really needs solid facetime. Oh yeah and with Aiden I made it the same thing evertime, first I pick him up and snuggle him and when it's time to be done I give him a big kiss and hug and put him back down. I do it in that order every time and only when he tugs my shirt. Other times we'll play and do other things but when he tugs on my shirt I don't tickle him or do anything other than what he knows I will do. It builds trust that when they really need you youre there, a sense of control of their relationship with mommy, and an understanding that communicating their needs gives them better results than acting out. Also as she learns when to use it and when not to it will give you the opportunity if you have to to say just a minute, or after I get this done, without her becoming overwhelmed. It helped a lot with my sons understanding of patience. Hope I helped and congrats on your newest daughter!

[deleted account]

Wanted to add, WHATEVER you do, you have to be consistent with it, so she knows EXACTLY what to expect when she misbehaves. And as far as mealtimes- a schedule always does wonders with little kids. If she doesn't eat when it's a meal time, then don't make her eat. Take the food away. If she asks for food later, then you can say something like 'Oh are your ready to finish your (whatever)?' And put her back in her highchair or at the table. Again good luck!
PS. I know it's close to Christmas, but a new toy is usually a good idea for little ones when the new baby comes home!

[deleted account]

I always tell my 2 yr old ' we don't hit/kick b/c that hurts' but in doing that you can't spank, or smack her hand, b/c that teaches them that hitting IS ok.
I put my 2 yr old in timeout for the first time the other day and that's the best small child discipline I think. They hate it but it doesn't involve teaching them the behavior that you don't like- the hitting.
The only problem is, at such a young age (and any age really for it to work) you have to put them in time out as soon as they do whatever, and that can be a pain esp. when you are not at home. I would designate a 'time out' chair for at home, & 1 min. for every year in their age.
My mom has always said shower them with praise when they are behaving well, and not just negative attention when they're bad.
All of this will be HARD with a newborn. But parenting isn't easy, and I wish you luck. Better to get a good foundation now, than wait til later.

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