is a 2nd baby shower ok when it is the same sex as 1st?

Miranda - posted on 11/11/2009 ( 42 moms have responded )

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i have a 20 month old son and am pregnant with another boy. i was just wondering if it is appropriate to have another shower since it is another boy. i have a lot of things i will need for the new baby from my 1st son....however i wud love to celebrate this new little life with a special day too. and i have met many wondeful people i wud love to share this with who i did not know during my 1st pregnancy and didnt get to share in the special time. so i guess the question is: to shower or not to shower?????

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Gale - posted on 02/08/2014

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I'm still laughing at the comment, "like 20 years ago when they couldn't tell the sex of the baby." That technology was in full swing back in 1980, which I know because I had one.

The etiquette rules that make sense to me are to have a second shower only if the baby is a different gender or if it's been several years since there's been a baby in the house. One should never throw her own shower under any circumstances, because it is the height of tacky for an adult to host their own gift grab. If friends don't offer, then you don't have one. A shower is nice, but it's not a necessity. Friends and relatives often shower you with gifts without the party. The registry should never be included with an invitation but should be discrete and word of mouth. People own phones and can ask the shower host via call, text, or email. You can celebrate every baby without a shower. I skip the repetitive showers. Go Google baby shower etiquette miss manners

Www.etiquettehell.com/?p=1295

Rachel - posted on 03/08/2010

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I had a shower when my son was born...3years ago. I am now pregnant with a girl, and unbeknownst to me, the girls from my work put together and threw me another shower. Personally...I see no problem with having second, third..even fourth showers. There are always things you need for a new baby...diapers, wipes, etc. Plus, the financial strain of another child is daunting, and that little bit really helps. Another thing, whether it's your first, second+ child, you always feel a little isolated in the last little bit of pregnancy and first month afterwards, and there is nothing like the feeling of being able to be around a bunch of people who truly care about you to lift your spirits. If people don't want to come...then they won't. If they do, great! And if people are asking, that usually means they want to attend. I say go for it, even if you throw one yourself after the baby is born, like a Meet the Baby party! Good luck, and hoepfully it all works out for you! :)

Angela - posted on 03/06/2010

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Technically no, one shower per mom is standard. However, if someone offers to throw you one I see no reason you shouldn't accept. You may want to specify that gifts are not necessary as you are celebrating and not foraging for presents. Remember that if you need things you should ask people if you can borrow or perhaps exchange clothing for a time. If not, there are great second hand stores like Once Upon a Child. Don't count on a shower to get the things you need. Even if it is your first baby you shouldn't feel entitled to one (although I think that every mom DOES deserve a chance to show off her baby.)

Andrea - posted on 03/06/2010

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I always thought that you don't have a second baby shower at all - boy or girl (unless it's years later). My son will be 22 months when I have my second later this month and am not expecting anything (I won't throw my own or ask someone to do it for me). I'm sure people will give gifts but no "formal" baby shower here.

Sarah - posted on 02/24/2010

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I just looked it up on Dear Abby and her expert opinion is that it is perfectly acceptable to have a second baby shower thrown for you. http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_ful... (scroll down for 'Rattled')

For those younger ladies who don't know Dear Abby - she is the EXPERT on Etiquette and proper behavior. :)

Christina - posted on 02/23/2010

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I think it's fine. There are new needs that come with a second (if they are close in age especially) and a shower can help with that. If you don't need anything else, include a note with the invite that says so and just invite them to celebrate the new little one. If you need big things (like we will ... double stroller, etc) then again a note saying gifts are not required, but if you like you can donate towards xyz or something to that effect.

My two cents :)

Sarah - posted on 02/22/2010

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I threw my girlfriend a small shower for her second baby, and I didn't think it was a big deal. I bought her a baby book, and we filled it with well wishes for her second daughter.

HOWEVER: She didn't make a registry for the second baby. She had pretty much everything she needed, (barring a double stroller) and didn't want us to give her baby things (she was moving shortly after). We gave her some mommy pamper products, made milkshakes, and helped her start a baby book.

I'm pregnant with my second, and I don't really want another baby shower. We have everything we need, and as a second time mom - it's MY turn to throw a shower for a first time mom and pass along the tradition.

It's a little unclassy to take EVERY opportunity possible to throw yourself a gift-getting party (or to have your friends do it for you).

[deleted account]

I had a 21 month old daughter when ever I had Alexis and I had a baby shower but almost no one came, not even to see my baby. I am pregnant with a third and this baby will be born around sept or oct so I was going to still have a get together but I am not calling it a shower. I would like people to still bring gifts if they want to help since I have no baby winter clothes and it might be a boy.

Tamika - posted on 02/06/2010

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you know what I'd just like to say that for those that are suggesting that you have a pamper party for you or something else for you rather than it being for a baby. I think this is wrong and tacky. A baby shower is just that it's a shower for the baby, for your friends and family to show their support and to welcome your little one into your life. It's a special time and for those to suggest you do something for you... no I don't agree with that. You do things for you on your birthday or when you feel like a pamper you'll go and do it.

I also threw my own bay shower I didn't have anyone to do it for me and I held it at my mothers house. I'll be throwing my own second baby shower and again it will be at my mothers, I don't register for gifts, and if people ask i'll be glad to assist them in suggestions and should people bring gifts then great. bonus even.

So go throw your own shower if no one else can or will do it, have a great time celebrating the fact you'll be a mum again and to celebrate the joyous occasion and bundle that is about to enter your life.

Sorry if I sound gruff it just ikrs me when people say it's tacky....

Tamika - posted on 02/05/2010

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I would say Yes. If you have just about everything you need and you know it's a boy maybe tailor it to the little guy... Like a welcome party??
Each child is special and they have their own birthdays so why not their own showers and celebration!

Enjoy and have fun.

Kelly - posted on 01/31/2010

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i am wondering the same thing.. my daughter will be about 20 months old when baby #2 is born and my friend has already offered to throw a shower but my hubby says we'll just buy whatever baby #2 needs.. Thanks for all the responds though! I think I will have her throw me a shower!

Theresa - posted on 01/18/2010

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Usually you don't throw yourself a shower. If someone else wants to throw you one fine. Otherwise you can have a get together with some of these newer friends and just say no gifts that way you don't look greedy.

[deleted account]

My second child is not the same sex as the first, but my sister insisted on throwing me a second baby shower. Some people said it was inappropriate but.. I didn't really have a say, my sister wanted to throw one. I don't think it's bad.. especially if they are born in different seasons as someone else said... You will need completely different outfits for a summer baby than you would a winter Baby... Don't feel bad about it.. and anyways extra diapers and wipes are always helpful!

Janine - posted on 12/27/2009

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Quoting Sarah:

Nobody offered to throw me a shower the first time. I had to plan it all, and I had it at my Mom's house. I am pregnant with my second (they will be 25 months apart) and there will NOT be a second shower. I agree with Christina. It's tacky and greedy. We have moved, and lost some stuff, and given some stuff away, but we will get it back. When you "give" your baby things to people to use, tell them, "hey, you are welcome to use this, but we are planning on having more kids and would like to have it back when you are done with it" There is nothing wrong with that! AND, we didn't find out what the sex of our first was, and will not find out with this one either. Makes it much easier to have "newborn" stuff around the house... everything is neutral. When I had to buy "bigger toys, strollers..." I made sure they were neutral as well... not everything has to be "girl" or "boy" "pink" or "blue" what would you have done 20 years ago, when you couldn't find out what the sex of your baby was before they were born...

Sorry if I sound bitter, I guess maybe I am a little "old fashioned" but note that I am only 23 years old... Like Christina said, you asked...


Well, I think that is very tacky to tell someone that they can borrow baby items but you want them back. Why offer them at all? I think the only way someone would take the items is if they were desperate. I have a question, what if you don't get it back in the same condition as you gave it?

Janine - posted on 12/27/2009

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Quoting Christina:

Sorry, I think its tacky. Since you asked... Its like asking for more presents. i do think it looks greedy to have a second baby shower when the kids are so close together and especially with them being the same sex. With the exception of a mom who has a much older child like 9 or 10 years apart, I think its inappropriate. If you just had a son, there is very little if anything you need. If I were invited to a shower like that I'd be annoyed. If people want to send you a gift they will do so on their own. Obviously I am in the minority here given the responses, but I really feel like its inappropriate. Sorry, just my two cents since you asked! But if you do get one, enjoy! Take care and good luck with the pregnancy!


Attending a baby shower is not mandatory. Everyone who attends should be attending to celebrate a new life and because they want to be there. If it bothers the person that much then they shouldn't attend. For my first baby shower we received some things as gifts but we still had to purchase a few items. I wasn't upset by this because I thought of the shower as a celebration for the baby. Celebrating him coming into this world. That's it nothing more.

Janine - posted on 12/27/2009

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I threw my own shower for my first child and it looks as if I am going to be throwing the next one as well. For the first shower everybody talked about throwing the shower, but they were taking to long. They couldn't even agree on a day. I saw that it wasn't going to happen if I didn't take charge, so I did. For the baby I'm carrying, no one has volunteered so here I go again.

Jenna - posted on 12/26/2009

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I am having another baby shower and its my THIRD! I say yes you should always have one especially if you dont have anything for the new baby. like myself I have a 4 year old girl and i gave all her stuff away except a few clothes i also have a 2 year old boy and i gave all his stuff away too except a few clothes aslo. Now my third one is due feb 2010 and its another boy but like i said i dont have anything gave it all away except a few things. So therefor my mother is throwing my another shower. My family at first didnt want to because i have already had two but i talked them into it cause well i dont have anything and showers are fun. why should my third baby get the crap end of the stick and not celebrate this pregnancy with some new stuff!

Sarah - posted on 12/18/2009

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Nobody offered to throw me a shower the first time. I had to plan it all, and I had it at my Mom's house. I am pregnant with my second (they will be 25 months apart) and there will NOT be a second shower. I agree with Christina. It's tacky and greedy. We have moved, and lost some stuff, and given some stuff away, but we will get it back. When you "give" your baby things to people to use, tell them, "hey, you are welcome to use this, but we are planning on having more kids and would like to have it back when you are done with it" There is nothing wrong with that! AND, we didn't find out what the sex of our first was, and will not find out with this one either. Makes it much easier to have "newborn" stuff around the house... everything is neutral. When I had to buy "bigger toys, strollers..." I made sure they were neutral as well... not everything has to be "girl" or "boy" "pink" or "blue" what would you have done 20 years ago, when you couldn't find out what the sex of your baby was before they were born...

Sorry if I sound bitter, I guess maybe I am a little "old fashioned" but note that I am only 23 years old... Like Christina said, you asked...

Susan - posted on 12/18/2009

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I'm having a 2nd shower for my second boy. My first will be about 27 months old. I felt a little funny at first (not thinking I would have one) but I have a whole set of new friends I didn't have when I had my first shower. And one of them is who wants to throw it for me. So I've decided to let her do it and just invite all my new friends who were not there for my first shower (expect a few close 'older' friends and my mom and MIL of course). But because I saved everything from my first child, and he will be right on the same season of clothes I really don't need anything. I'm just going to ask for diapers, formula, baby food, things like that (hopefully mostly gift cards to Target or something). But I really like one of the other posters idea about frozen food.

Bottom line, if someone offers and wants to do it for you then why not. And those who think it's 'rude' then they don't have to show up.

Stormy - posted on 12/16/2009

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Things aren't made the way they were used to and there are situations where you either don't have storage for all the things you had with your first or you give them away to friends/family who need them and then when you are expecting your 2nd you end up realizing that you need certain things. We ended up having one of each but I gave all my first born boy stuff to my little sister when she had a boy so we were worried that if I was to have another boy that we would need new stuff all over again. You can also always have a welcome home shower instead of a prebaby shower too.

Christina - posted on 12/13/2009

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Quoting Holly:

Go for it! What would you put in the second babies baby book if you didn't have a shower? Sorry b/c you were also a boy we couldn't celebrate you coming in the world? Now-a-days it is totally ok to do a baby shower for the second, same sex or not. So if no one has offered yet find a friend or family member that has mentioned it and just throw it out there to see if they'd want to host it.


You can put the gifts that people send you on their own in the baby book... or things ppl give you at the hospital, etc.

Christina - posted on 12/13/2009

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Sorry, I think its tacky. Since you asked... Its like asking for more presents. i do think it looks greedy to have a second baby shower when the kids are so close together and especially with them being the same sex. With the exception of a mom who has a much older child like 9 or 10 years apart, I think its inappropriate. If you just had a son, there is very little if anything you need. If I were invited to a shower like that I'd be annoyed. If people want to send you a gift they will do so on their own. Obviously I am in the minority here given the responses, but I really feel like its inappropriate. Sorry, just my two cents since you asked! But if you do get one, enjoy! Take care and good luck with the pregnancy!

Amy - posted on 12/08/2009

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Yes! I'm seriously thinking of having another baby shower, however this time it will be after the baby is born that way everyone can meet the new baby.

Shawnale - posted on 11/30/2009

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Yes! Every baby deserves a shower! You can register for necessities like Diapers and wipes, burpclothes, baby food, shoes (for toddler stages) Gift Cards, Pampering for Mommy (day at the spa, mani-pedi, hair cut) that's what we did for my sister in law! Mom deserves a little something too!

Holly - posted on 11/28/2009

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Go for it! What would you put in the second babies baby book if you didn't have a shower? Sorry b/c you were also a boy we couldn't celebrate you coming in the world? Now-a-days it is totally ok to do a baby shower for the second, same sex or not. So if no one has offered yet find a friend or family member that has mentioned it and just throw it out there to see if they'd want to host it.

Rachel - posted on 11/27/2009

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I have a 2.5 year old boy and am pregnant again. My sister offered to throw me a shower for the new baby. I was surprised because I figured I wouldn't get another shower. But, my first shower was really small and my sister lost all the pictures. And we need a lot of things for the new baby, even if it is another boy (crib, changing table, mobile, but not really any clothes if it is a boy).

The main thing I will be doing differently is inviting different people. I'll probably still invite the few close friends from the first time, but probably not the more extended friends/work acquaintances who already bought us stuff the first time. And, we'll register for the few larger items we need and then ask for diapers, frozen dinners or stuff for pampering Mommy. :)

Leeinda - posted on 11/19/2009

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we arnt doing it. MY daughter was 6 when my son was born so obviously we had one with the both of them, but I am pregnant again and there will only be 16 months between my sons and I was told it is impolite to do it again. I was told you are supposed to wait 5 years to have another one.

Melanee - posted on 11/19/2009

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I had two baby showers, but there was a big gap inbetween my kids and one was a girl the next one was a boy. I am pregnant with another boy now and my best friend decided to throw me a shower even though thats not the "proper" thing to do. I felt kind of funny about it because there wasnt a whole lot that I needed and I didnt want to come off as being greedy. When I expressed this to my mom she said " Mel, if someone wants to throw you a party, let them!" Instead of it being a big party like last time, it turned into a frozen meal/ diaper party. Instead of me registering somewhere and getting a ton of different baby items, everyone brought diapers of all different sizes. It's going to a big help when I'm in the hospital and for the first couple of days after baby comes because I can focus on my family (and my two little ones) adjusting to the new addition and my husband and I dont have to worry about cooking. I have so many packages of diapers in the closet its going to be awhile before we have to work that into the budget which will also help out finacially!
Basically, I think, if someone wants to throw you a party, let them. If no one is really into throwing you a party and you were going to throw yourself one, I would wait and have a meet baby party. People will still bring you gifts (and usually close family members and friends will ask you if there is anything you need) but it's a little loop whole in the whole ettiquete(sp?) thing.

D'Etta - posted on 11/17/2009

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Hi Chelsea... sorry you didn't get a shower! It's usually done late in the pregnancy though, and by that time you had already moved. Usually the first shower is thrown by the mother-to-be's family, but can also be done by the father's family, friends of the mother, or co-workers of the mom. I felt bad about asking for my 2nd shower since I'd already had 1 for my first child, but I'd been through a hurricane and lost a lot of stuff, and I wanted pictures and stuff for just this baby, so he could have his own, you know? Don't be afraid to ask a friend privately or something. Most people just assume that someone else is already making the plans. Good luck!

D'Etta - posted on 11/17/2009

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I had a second one even though I have both boys. I think the only rule I would have, is to ask someone different to host the shower than the person who did it last time. It's a lot of work to plan, and then initiate. I had my mom and sister do the first one, and my mother in law and sister in law do my second one. Just be sure they know you are registered so you don't get a lot of things you don't need! :)

Melaina - posted on 11/17/2009

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I think its important to celebrate each birth! My second baby is due only two days before my son's birthday, so I plan on having a combined birthday party and "meet the baby" party for both. Of course, that will only work if baby isn't really late!

Danielle - posted on 11/16/2009

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i had showers for all my girls of course not many people showed up to the last 2 but i didnt throw them and i wasnt complaining i got to spend time with people that matter the most and celebrate the girls....but anyways a few good ideas is to have a welcome baby party or have a daiper shower then you still get to celebrate

Chelsey - posted on 11/16/2009

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O and I think a 2nd shower would be fine, you do need stuff. And if it is in a different season it would really help!

Chelsey - posted on 11/16/2009

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I never had a shower with my first even. I was really hoping that someone would throw one for me before I moved ( at about 7 months) but it never happened :( people did send me gifts of clothing etc. but I would have liked the experience. I am expecting #2 now and I don't expect to get a shower for this one either.
Are mothers throwing their own showers now? Is that whats expected? just wondering

Michelle - posted on 11/14/2009

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I have 3 kids, i only ever got a baby shower for my oldest, which is a girl. myo ther 2 were boys and everyone said it was not appropriate and never threw me one.. i'd say if you want to throw one yourself, do it!

Teale - posted on 11/14/2009

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Absolutely! Each baby is special and unique and if you want to have a shower I say SHOWER AWAY!! :) I mean every new baby needs SOMETHING! :)

Sommer - posted on 11/13/2009

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I asked the same question when my friend offered to throw me a baby shower for my second daughter. She insisted that I have another party. While I had 2 girls, they were born in different seasons so I couldn't use all of my clothes. Also, the baby products changed so much from my 1st to my 2nd. Glad I had the shower!

Miranda - posted on 11/13/2009

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i wudnt feel to bad about having one if someone had offered to host. but no one has....yet everyone has made inquires about the special day.....shud i ask a friend to host, or just see if it happens or not??? : /

Jillian - posted on 11/12/2009

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I'm wondering the same thing I have a two year old little girl and expecting another little girl in March. I will need some things also for the new addition. I feel the exact same way I would like to have a special day for " Emma" as well as I did with Ava. So would it be appropriate to have another Baby Shower for my second?

Renee - posted on 11/11/2009

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I wondered this myself. In the end I didn't end up having anything, however an idea I came up with was have mother's shower not a baby shower. Maybe a pamper and present day for the mother. maybe get avon or the like to come do a demonstration of make up or nail care or something, and ppl give the mother pressies not the baby. Wish i had done this but ran out of time.

Stephanie - posted on 11/11/2009

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yes why not I had a boy and am expecting a boy again and just had a baby shower last week you can never have to much ! shower on lol

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