Is it wrong to want to leave the father if he does not want the baby you are about to have?

Derricka - posted on 10/22/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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when my boyfriend found out that I was pregnant for the 2nd time he wanted to get rid of the baby. He wanted to get rid of the baby becaue it would be our 2nd child and his 3rd child and he is only 22 years old. But I try to help him take care of his little girl but the mom does not want me to have anything to do with her child. So, I ask once again, Is it wrong for me to leave the father if he does not want the baby I am about to have?

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Kayla - posted on 11/16/2009

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It is true that a dad doesn't actually bond with a child until they see and hold the child, but I am not sure that this is your guys problem. You do have lots of time, but you are the only protection your children have. trust your mommy instincts!

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it sounds to me if u r wanting to help him with his other kid and they dont want u to, and he doesnt want the new blessing with u, i would run and fast. u need someone better for yuor kids and their out there. how dare he tell u that, !!!! i wouldnt help him anymore , i would be caring care of myself and finding a good man!!

Carrie - posted on 03/25/2010

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As a mom you have the right to do what you think is right for your child because there will always be one mom to your children and they need you to protect them. You have all right to leave him why would you want your self and your child to feel not wanted in life. Remeber hun your children in life are reflections of yourself and there up bringing and only you can make that stamp and it seems that you are the one in the relationship with the brains so lets keeep it that way .. take care and keep your head up

Ashlee - posted on 11/16/2009

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its not wrong at all. you need to do whats right for you and your baby and if the father doesnt want to be a part of that then go.

Kristy - posted on 11/16/2009

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you need to do what is right for your family if you want this child than have it. My dad was a father of 4 at 22 and he told my mother it get rid of it but she did not as she did not believe in abortion. They seperated 6 months after my sister was born 3 weeks after his 22nd birthday.
My mum was happy and did a great job raising us by her self and we were happy because she was happy our children feel what we feel if your unhappy so will be your children and their happiness is the most important thing.

Leeinda - posted on 10/29/2009

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I couldnt imagine being with someone who didnt want the child I was carrying. Protect that baby. Love that baby and don't let him have any influence over that!

Roberta - posted on 10/25/2009

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Oh girl, it is wrong to want to stay WITH a man who does not want his child you are carrying!!!

It is most definitely right, appropriate, smart, and protective of your children to NOT want to stay with the father who does not want the baby.

It is not yourself you should be second guessing, but the man you are with...

Be strong for your children, lol

Angela - posted on 10/25/2009

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Nope not wrong! Do what your gut tells you. He doesn't want to support 3 kids, then I guess he shouldn't have sex then! lol

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I agree with the other women that say that men take a little while to come around. Not to diminish your feelings and desires but they don't have something growing in them, and since you've already done this once it is something you know that is soo wonderful and could hardly consider aborting such a wonderful thing, accident or not... Men have trouble finding this connection until the child is there. He is only 22, that is still a baby!!! With the obviously negative response with the mother of his first child, and having this liability w/you (sorry to make it sound so awful...) making a 2nd, or 3rd, child in this slightly disfunctional situation could understandably be unwelcomed... After all you are not married and could break up, then he'd have a 3rd child that he has to pay support for...



If you could possibly seperate yourself to see how he could be thinking... I would also assume other things are not right in your relationship? He may be getting the clue that this won't be a life long commitment...so he could be wanting to minimize casualties... I would also suggest that you take the time in this pregnancy to determine if this is a relationship that you actually want to invest time in. If you are unable to make the commitment then I'd step out, but I wouldn't step out because of this initial knee jerk reaction to this pregnancy...I'm sure lots of men think this at one time or another!

Nichole - posted on 10/23/2009

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I was in a similar situation with my first child. His father's first response was "when are we going to take care of it" which I thought was a bit cold. As soon as I explained that I couldn't have an abortion (not that I think it is wrong, just not for me) he supported me 100%. A few years later we have a happy 2 year old Daddy's boy, they are attached at the hip. We just got married and planned our second child together, I'm now 14 weeks pregnant and we BOTH couldn't be happier. I'd say give him some time. He may need to come to terms with this new change. If his attitude doesn't change in time then it's never too late to leave, but it can be too early. There are many things to consider. If he treats you and the children right, give him time to come around.

Christina - posted on 10/23/2009

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I feel compelled to encourage you to think about not only what's best for you, but also what's best for your 1st child. If you leave the father now, you are going to be damaging their relationship. Maybe it would be better to give the situation some time and see if your boyfriend changes his mind? Sometimes it just takes men longer to come to terms with the idea of another baby. You have the whole 9 month pregnancy to make this decision. Obviously, the best thing for all of you is to stay together as a family. Don't give up on that too quickly. There are too many children today living in single parent homes. If you can prevent that, you are doing what's best for your child and new baby.

Jessica - posted on 10/22/2009

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no sweety its not wrong to leave him, he needs to relise you are trying to put the children first, he might come around when the baby is born and relise he made a mistake saying he didnt want it, i know it will be hard but it would be harder explaining to your older child that you got rid of a little sister or brother and it would hurt you inside more

Bridget - posted on 10/22/2009

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I agree with the other two who posted. If he wanted doesn't want the new baby he might reject the baby when he/she gets here & children pick up on things like that. Even if it would be difficult, you & your children would be better off. There are many ways to prevent pregnancy. Maybe he should think about that in the future instead of wanting women to get "rid" of a baby that he helped create.

Amanda - posted on 10/22/2009

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I have to say that I agree. If he doesnt want her now then that could lead to potential emotional abuse in the future and a mess that you wont want to be a part of. A father should be proud to have a child, not dreading it.
I wouldnt stay with someone who didnt want me AND my children. End of story

Aniesha - posted on 10/22/2009

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Definitely not. I think both you & your children would be better off without him. If he is that selfish, he won't look after you or your babies the way you deserve it. So sorry for you, it's a terrible situation to be in. *hugs*

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