mother of two a 5 month old & a 4 year old whos 4 yr old gets jeoulse since new auditon welcomed to the family?

Maribel - posted on 07/06/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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mY toddlors attuitude has got out of control he loves his brother to death , but he has a potty mouth .. & always wants things his way . hes changed so much since my 5m on baby was born.. i understand he was the only center of attention but i still treat both kids the same although of course im a stay at home mom& if i have to feed the lil one & put him to sleep my 4yr old wants to play or watch tv with me... i cant of course ) he gets angry if i dont. and when he gets the chance to be with his brother hes to rough he will kiss him hard hug him tight ill have to discpline him , im going crazy ... i dont wan tmy son depresssed or anything .. what should i do .. i give him time outs and they dont work he still has tht face like i hate. u . he tells me as well) . or he will say hit me hit me. or when we are walking out of the store he will say wana get raned over... that scares me so much ... i think its geting bad... i dont know what to do... i m losing the patientice , & started yelling at him , because being calm doesnt work anymore & yelling helps for a bit..

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Gina - posted on 07/19/2012

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Maribel - I have a similar issue in my home only I have 2 girls. Almost 3 yrs old, and a 5 month old.

I had to sit my 3 year old down and make her look at me in the eyes. I explained to her that I love her so much, and that will never change not even with a new baby sister in the house. I told her it is just temporary that her sister is a baby and before you know it she will be a big girl like her. I explained that babies can't walk or talk to tell us what they need, so Mommy has to take care of the baby whens he cries. I also told her when she acts and /or reacts with screaming, and anger it will only make me upset and it hurts my feelings. I CONTINUALLY kept asking her to look in my eyes and asked her if she understands what I am saying. She kept saying "OK"...(We think they don't get it all, but they probably do they are so smart....).

I know it sounds nuts, and you think that your son may not sit long enough to listen to you - but all we can do is try new things right? Obviously ever family dynamic is different, and some children reply better to other things that other children. However this seemed to calm her a little bit and her behavior has subsided quite a bit from the first 4 months. There are still plenty of moments, but they are so much better after that talk. I also reminded her when she would act out about the talk we had - so she knows when she throws a fit because I can't be with her that minute that I love her and her behavior will only make me upset with her which will defeat the purpose.

Hope that helps? I promise you I know it sounds nuts that you can have a conversation like this with your 2-3-4 yr old but somehow it got to her a little.

Good Luck! It is a hard phase to be in...I am still there.

Dianne - posted on 07/17/2012

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Hello Maribel. I also feared the jealousy thing when I brought baby home but luckily it was not bad at all, only that my 4yr old tolerates baby when he feels like it. Some days he says he loves him, other days he does not want him near him.
The only thing I can advise is perhaps to make up that special time with your 4yr old when baby sleeps. ie tell your 4yr old as soon as baby is asleep then just the two of you can have time and explain to him that its difficult with the baby - 4yr olds understand so much.
I think your son does love baby because he is trying to kiss and hug him - maybe he feels that you are pushing him aside because you feel you need to be so protective over baby - remember too that they are quite resillient :)
Exercise patience with your 4yr old, especially because of baby. Don't give time outs - this will make him feel like he is rejected. Perhaps include him when you are busy with baby so he feels like he is the big boy helping mommy.
Mentioning being run over coming out of a store is a definite call for attention so perhaps with what I mentioned above it will help with this.
Do you have a mom or reliable sitter that perhaps you could leave baby with for an hour just so that you can have quality time alone with your son, maybe a movie or just an ice cream together.
You will be glad you exercised the extra patience because you will see it will make a difference and in no time baby will be bigger and they will start to play together. Good luck :)

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Maribel - posted on 07/23/2012

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thanks ladies that was really helpful to me.... my mother in law babysitted my 5month old. && we had a movie together we wathced spiderman . & i felt close to him & he felt the same way i can see it , i spoiled him with slshie & treats. & yeah when baby is sleeping i get so lazy that i dont wana do anything. from the long day.,. but theres def sacrifses i need to do fo rmy baby boy i love him so much i hope things get better thamks ladies!!!!

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