My husband refuses to have a second child

Kathy - posted on 06/25/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My husband and I have always agreed to have 2 children close together in age. We now have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. I have lost a baby at 12 weeks of pregnancy in January 2009 and my husband had helped me cope with this by saying not to worry that we would try again soon. A couple of months ago, he then admitted to me to not wanting another child as we had previously agreed on. This is very hard for me and I feel betrayed. I resent him now and I am sad to say that my feelings for him are starting to change following this. I have admitted this him but it does not seem to have any effect. I am afraid to hurt my daughter Olivia but I am not sure that I will be able to forgive him for this. Your advise would be very much appreciated.

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Sara - posted on 06/27/2010

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I totally agree with Nicole Stevens men do cope with the loss of a child differently, I remember when I had my miscarriage back in Sept. 2009 and my boyfriend said that he didnt even want to try anymore for another baby because he wont be able to cope with lossing another child, so I agreed with him that we should stop trying to have another because it might be too soon and plus I couldnt bare to lose another child through miscarriage either I guess I put myself in is position and how it made him feel, I guess my boyfriend is more open to me then I thought he would be and maybe u should just sit down with him and talk about it more maybe it might be too soon for him to try again, and I know u daughter is almost 3 but you dont want to hurt her by being upset at ur husband and leave him because he was being honest that he didnt want another child because this problem can be fixed by talking it out without fighting maybe it him excited by wanting to try for a boy he might then open up to the idea about having a son. but want ever happen try and work it out for ur daughter sake.. I hope this helps and Good Luck

Nicole - posted on 06/25/2010

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My husband and I have lost two children due to miscarriage. It's so hard to cope after wards. Men deal with the loss differently than we do, in your husbands case it sounds like he would rather never try again because he couldn't bear losing one again. That's understandable. I can understand him saying no to another child is crushing, my husband said the same thing after the second loss. I couldn't believe he could just give up on expanding our family. But know that your husband is most likely harboring some hard feelings about your loss, and maybe having him open up to a close friend or family member (on his own, whithout you being there or knowing what was said) could be really helpful. He probably doesn't want to overburden you with his feelings. Stay strong, and remember the love you have for him and your daughter. Things always happen for a reason, we may not know why, but if we handle them the right way we can be stronger.

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