Unexcited about #2, and needing a change in perspective.

Emz - posted on 07/11/2010

i was like that pet.the min i found out i was expecting number 2 i panicked!trey was only 14months when caelan was born so he was still just a baby but gonna be a big bro..i found that in the last months of pregnancy i got so emotional with trey, giving him kisses and constantly cuddlin him and found he did the same back and because i was feelin guilty it was 10 times worse!even when i went into labour and droppin trey of to mums i didnt want to leave him, caelan was born at 2.20 in the mornin and i only stayed in hospital til 10:30 the same mornin!i wanted home to trey :-( the first few weeks was hard cos trey was testin boundaries but now caelan is 3 months and smiling and following trey wit his head trey is great!he would go over and give kisses, sit on the sofa with his arm round him..my heart melts!i do try to spend time just us or even readin a book together at night just the 2 of us..i worried i wasnt gonna have enough love to share between the boys but found my heart must of grew to hold all of it for both of them! as for managing both of them..there will be times when ur holding the newborn and owen will want up too but u have 2 knees and 2 arms!lol. the stuff u have to pack for an outing isnt as bad as u think, its just an extra bottle and a few nappies..not mountains and mountains..however the double buggy??!!argh..it just about fits in the boot!lol
i wont lie..it will be hard and lack of sleep is terrible but its only for a short time and ul have 2 wonderful kids who will be great company when they r up abit.. hope u feel better, ur not the only one who feels like this and its not terrible.xo

Amanda - posted on 07/10/2010

leah,

i am really in the same boat as you. i just found out that i am pregnant with my second and it was not planned i keep trying to get excited but just can't. i am due in march with is the same month as my 1st born, i am just going day to day and hoping that when i do sono's that i will start to get excited, you and i can chat to keep each other going and support one another!

ps...congrats it is still a wonderful thing to expand our families.

Tara Lee - posted on 07/08/2010

You are not alone. I am 35yrs old and have a beautiful, wonderful 22 month old daughter. We were not planning any more children (my DH was actually waiting for THE surgery, and I was on the pill). Needless to say, I am know 22 week pregnant. The first 3 months were anger, denial, I actually would not believe I was PG until 12 weeks when I had an ultra sound. Even though I am much better now, I feel so guilty for my thoughts and feelings. This pregnancy is so different, I don't feel the baby like I did with my DD, at times it still doesn't feel real. But it will get better as time goes bye..

Chelsey - posted on 07/07/2010

I can definatly understand where you are coming from. I am 23 weeks pregnant and when I found out I was I almost started to cry. This baby wasn't planned and we definalty were already struggling with money. I couldn't imagine adding another baby to the mix. I am still a little I guess you could say resentful at the fact that I am pregnant right now because we are just starting to get things caught up and once were caught up we will have medical bills to pay for. It just seems like sometimes we can't get a break. I am slowly coming around to being happy for this baby. I have been trying to look for the possitve. And I think that the more I involve myself with this baby the better. We are actually going to put the room together soon and I think that will help alot to be able to go in there and connect. I hope you feel better and know that you are not alone.

Jessica - posted on 06/25/2010

I Felt the exact same way when I got pregnant with my second in December. My husband and I had planned on waiting til around May-June time frame to get pregnant. and got the surprise 6 months earlier and I want to thrilled at that time. And I started to see how lucky we were and how blessed we were because there are so many people that either cant ever get pregnant or have to go through so much for it to happen. Just remember how truely blessed you are and even though it didnt happen when you planned for some reason it happened exactly when it was suppose to.

Debbie - posted on 06/24/2010

I felt the same way when I found out I was pregnant. I am currently 22 weeks, but for the first few months I was not a happy camper. I felt really guilty about it, but I just couldn't get excited. Then, I had a medical scare and was put on some medications that I really didn't want to take. That made me realize how much I wanted the baby!
Once you can feel the baby moving, it gets better. You start thinking about the newborn. Pregnancy is still not as fun as the first time around, but as long as you are not unhappy about the child when it gets here then you will be ok.
As for taking care of a toddler while pregnant, let me tell you this- I have multiple sclerosis, and am not able to carry my two year old daughter. I can still manage her, and will be able to manage this new baby. If I can do it, I bet you can.

Rachele - posted on 06/24/2010

I am not sure if you take this supplement already but I take DHA (Expecta, OTC) and DHA/Omega 3's actually help with depression...not that you are depressed at all, but when I take the supplement I feel like myself again. I'm 15 months pregnant and run a licensed home child care business, so if I do not take my pre-natal vitamins, plus DHA, get adequate sleep and eat right than...well I get very sick...I hope this helps and did not offend you, I just swear by DHA!! I also have a toddler and I am pregnant with my second and I am not as excited either...as it stands my 3 year old still does sleep through the night! I am working and trying to manage my pregnancy with a very demanding toddler with no breaks since my husband works evenings and weekends. You are not alone! It helps to connect with other Moms in your area who will listen to you...try doing something for yourself. I know that always makes me feel better-pedicure, a walk ALONE, etc. Best of luck, you'll get through it-you are an amazing WOMAN!!

Dia - posted on 06/24/2010

I recently had my second baby and I didnt want my second child so close to ist one bcz ist one was little demanding so at the age of two i concieved second and now at this time he is 3 years old and second one is 3months but honestly i thought exactly same but u have to cheer up ur self no body can do anything for you go for shopping imagine how little one come and u hold him as the time goes you really enjoy ur pregnancy and listen to ur inner mother hood u can feel better dont be so afraid.

Terri - posted on 06/21/2010

i felt the same... i'm 7months now and instead of being excited about meeting him i'm more fed up of being pregnant... i just want him out now... with my first (Kaci Marie, 2) i was very excited because everything was new, this time it's 'been there, done that' when i finally started to get excited i started with pains which could trigger early labour (2months early if he came now) instead of being worried about my son i'm thinking excellent, he's got a good chance of survival and i can get him out early! i'm feeling alot better than i did early on but i'm still not excited about the pregnancy... i'm alot more excited about meeting him now because i've decorated the room and got all his things... the other thing that helps is seeing the excitement on my daughters face everytime he kicks or someone mentions her being a big sister! x

Lynda - posted on 06/18/2010

Absolutely know how you feel. My 1st boy joined us May 2009. We were blessed to get pregnant with him with the help of fertility treatment. When he was 8 months old we got pregnant again. I was so shocked that it happened so easily the 2nd time. We weren't really planning on it happening that quickly. I was sad and frustrated alot. When I looked at my boy I thought, 'What am I doing to my sweet boy?!' I didn't want him to feel pushed away and all that. I also was upset that I had to go through the morning sickness thing so soon. Two babies in cribs and the lack of sleep that comes with a new baby. Every worry all at once and it was all on my sholders, so I thought. All I can say is it's totally normal to feel that way. You love your baby and want the best for them. That makes you a GREAT Mom. I started feeling better when I decided to just focus on the happy things that were happening. I know... look on the bright side. Everyone says it, but it really is what helped me. Congratulations on #2!!!

Cassie - posted on 06/17/2010

the times ahead are definately going to be wonderful thats for sure, plus most of what you described is normal emothions for any pregnancy whether it be 1st or subsequent (even if you didn't get these emotions the 1st time, every pregnancy is different).
I have an 18 month old girl and had a beautiful baby boy 4 months ago! things were and are different this time, I was so damn busy I didn't really have the time to daydream all day about the beautiful being growing inside me - it often wasn't until night time that I layed down in bed and remembered that there was another bub inside me and that It would be gracing us with it's presence very soon!
Although the second pregnancy often takes a back seat to the little treasure running around in the present, once he/she is born they automatically and naturally take on equal importance. it's so lovely having more than one around the house - so much love goes on! Try not to analyse your sad feelings too much - just natural pregnancy hormones!
P.S. when people continuesly say '"your going to have your hands full" just think - better full than empty!

Sarah - posted on 06/17/2010

I know how you feel too...I'm pregnant with my third right now and dreading it. And also kind of in denial, like I don't even think about being pregnant. Its hard once you know what to expect when another baby comes around lol
But like Lyndsey said, even though most of pregnancy feels pretty unpleasant...I do look forward to when the baby moves. I LOVE that feeling. Seeing baby roll across the belly, its just amazing to experience. :) Other amazing things about baby:

How small they are when they're first born. When you hold them, how they snuggle into you, grasping your finger. How you lean in close to smell that precious baby scent, feel their soft breath against your cheek. How when you pick them up, for those first couple weeks, they arch their backs and tuck their feet in, idk why, I love how babies do that. lol when you feed them, how eventually they look up at you and just gaze. Or when thy study your face, and you wonder what they're thinking about. Or that first smile that everyone says is just gas, but you swear is real because your baby loves you and has realized how awesome you are. :) Or when they do really smile, how their eyes light up and they coo and you feel like your heart is going to burst. Or when they do anything new and exciting and you want to call everyone and tell them. Watching your first child play normally and then your new baby watching him suddenly bursts out laughing. Your first child turns in amazement and realized the baby is laughing because he/she thinks he's hilarious and how happy that makes him so he does anything he can to make baby laugh again over and over. It'll make you happy too, because those precious moments when your 2 children get along is like a gift and its beautiful to watch. lol Its not easy having 2 kids, but all the joy you experience at times with your first, is the same, except its twice now. All the times they make you laugh, all the times you look at them and suddenly just feel so much love for no reason, how proud you feel when they accomplish something new, how happy you feel when you get that moment where you feel like you did something right by them and it shows. Its easy to get caught up in the negatives of parenthood, its the hardest job in the world, but also very rewarding. And just think...you might have a daughter this time..a little girl you can dress in girl clothes and bows in hair (if you like that sort of thing lol) A chance to experience something different. A new person to get to know with a different personality. A brand new beginning. Change can be scary, especially when nothing feels "broken", but he or she will capture your heart eventually, whether its with the first fetal kick, or when nurse hands you your new bundle of joy, or when you bring baby home and you see your husband holding the baby (something about a man holding a baby, right? or is it just me...lol) no matter when it happens, it will. You sound like you love your family and it won't stop because a new baby arrives, it'll just stretch and include. :)
Maybe go look at some baby clothes, tiny newborn things always make me happy for some reason lol or look through the baby album of your son and marvel at how much time has passed and was he ever that small?!
You don't need to stop feeling the way you do, you are completely entitled to your feelings...but remember how fleeting female emotions are. If you feel bad about how you feel, know it won't last forever, there will be an uphill to the downhill, always is. :)
Oh...and labor, goes much quicker the second time. I barely had to push 3 times and my son was born. lol

Lyndsey - posted on 06/16/2010

I feel exactly the same way right now, but I'm sure as the baby grows and starts to become a "person" I will have the excitement back that I had the last time I was pregnant!