useless boyfriend.

Michelle - posted on 07/16/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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how can i get the daddy to help?he has an older son that he plays and talks to but he acts like our son is too much of an inconvenience.it makes me feel like a single mom because he won't even hold him.i have to make him do anything with him.i'm so scared because i think we are expecting again but i don't think i can do two all alone.our son is only 5 months old.what can i do to get just a little help?

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Tina - posted on 07/16/2009

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I have went through the same thing with both of my kids. My husband would not do anything to begin with. I simply sat down and talked to him I told him how i felt and that he was the father of these children and that i needed his help. Especially since i had a c-section with both our kids. Since then my husband has been very helpful and now that we are expecting our third child he is very good he comes home from work and pretty much takes over the two kids that we have he does everything. I hope you can get some help just talk to him. Sometimes it is just that the baby is so little that men do not feel comfortable with them.

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Johnann - posted on 07/27/2009

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i sorta have the same problem. our son just turned 1 July 1st.My husband has probley only changed about 3 diapers the whole time. he wouldnt wake up in the middle of the night & he just doesnt understand how hard it is.... we grew up in different kinds of households. my dad used to come home everyday from work and wanted to hold us and feed us and play. My husbands dad did nothing! Im lucky that my husband isnt completly like his dad bc he does help out some with cleaning and cooking but i do see his dad in him sometimes... My husband says he will interact more with him when he is a little older like about 3 so he can take him fishing and stuff. but we are having a girl in 1 month and im gonna need him to interact with him alot more sooner so im not always with both and having a hard time.... since my son has been able to walk, it seems like he wants to play with him more. so i think once he is up and running around that he will wont to have more to do with him..... challenges with my first child and my husband have taught me something [dont let him get away with it] when i have our girl, my husband will feed her and hold her more!!! im getting stronger and planning on going to school and getting a good job, so if it keeps up i can make it on my own! ...but things are getting better for example this morning i got to sleep in =]]

Jade - posted on 07/27/2009

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I would have to agree with everything Erin said! It's better to do it on your own and feel good about yourself, then to be with someone who treats you like crap, and be unhappy. My husband would be out the door in the blink of an eye!

Good luck!

[deleted account]

OH MY GOD! Why do you stay with someone who would treat you like that? That's absolutely F***N rediculous! Your children are going to grow up thinking it's totally okay to belittle their mother and disrespect women! You know, I would totally congratulate you for doing everything by yourself if you were alone, but I don't know why you would tell someone it's okay to be treated like SH!T? Stand up for yourself! Get out of a sh!tty situation! YOU ARE WORTH BETTER THAN THAT!

Stacey - posted on 07/27/2009

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HAH I just read your post above. I get bitched at for giving my son dry ceareal to eat for breakfats. I have to keep the house spotless (I'm telling you he bitches everyother day) I could clean teh house ALL DAY nad the first thing he says is "You missed the celing fan." Yes he can be a dick like that and he doesnt even realize it. His favorite quote is "Other moms can do it, why can't you?" I take that as a slap in teh face. Is he saying I'm not as good a mother as everyone else? If I'm not a good mother than why is he with me? And why is he sticking up for other women and how they raise their kids even tho their kids turned out to b crack heads? So yea...fun stuff over here. I dont drive so I cant go anywhere. I stay in this house 24/7. I go out twice a month to go grocery shopping. I'm so busy cleaning I cant watch my son like I should.



Tell me how this would make you feel?



My son got into my husbands check books (without me knowing) and put his last one somewhere in the house. (he did this last week and I still havent found it) We needed to go food shopping so instead of telling me before we left to the store that they had gone missing. My husband drove us to the store bitching the whole way about how terrible of a mother I am and how I suck at house cleaning. We park in the parking lot and he tells me to go get food.

ME"I dont have any money how am I supossed to get food?"

HIM"Don't care...just go get it."

ME"But I have NO MONEY."

HIM"Sell your ass on the street for all I care. TYou better go get some money. I dont care how you get it. We're not leaving til you make some money."

ME"How the hell am I supossed t make money? You're being rediculous. You drove us out here so we can argue and sit in the parking lot."

HIM"And we'll stay out here as long as it takes for yu to get some money. I'm going to sleep."

We stayed in the parking lot for an hour until he finally turned the car on and we headed hom. Now I'm pregnant with number 2 and he said all that to me. Sometimes I dont know why i stay.



He's even threatened to call Children and Youth Services on me because our house is dirty. (It's not dirty...like i said b4 i can clean all day n he has to pick something out i missed.)



I feel like I'm gonna tear my hair out half the time but i do it all on my own.



I had to have an emergency c section with my son and almost had to have a blood transfusion bc of all the blood i lost. Who knew it's bad to give some one blood thinners before surgery? The doctors didnt. Then Three days after my son was born I got an infection in my brain called meningitis and almost died bc of that. You cannot imagine th headaches. Migrian is an under statment. The trauma to my brain was equal to a person being ejected from a vehicle going 50mph. I should b dead but I somehow survived. One week after my son was born (three days after surviving menigitis) I'm hom alone taking care of a newborn by myself. My mom didnt come to help me...no 1 did. My husband worked all day to barely pay the bills. And I'm diagnosed with amnesia and taking care of a newborn. So if I can do it totally by myself ater all that I'm sure you can do it.



Sorry done with whinning...just thought I'd share a lil bout myself bc you sound EXACTLY like me! Good luck to you.

Stacey - posted on 07/27/2009

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I went through the same thing. My husband is a great dad just REALLY lazy. Now that our son is 17 months old he plays with him more but I still do most of the work. Sadly I have come to the conclusion that if I dont do it, it wont get done. I'm pregnant with number 2 and he's really been a help only because i really cant do it all like I usually do. Lots of mommies will try to help you with advice and it didnt work with me. I'm sorry...not trying to crush ur hopes. I'm trying to give you real advise. You can do two if you're pregnant. We're women! We've been doing this kid of stuff for millions of years. You'll feel stressed at times but it's all worth it. And you'll feel better about yourself knowing that you did do it by yourself.



I know my advise didnt help you with what you asked. I think it's better to be prepared for the worst. I really hope things work out for you. When your baby gets older and can do more stuff Dads seem to want to do more with them but until then I think you're kinda stuck doing it all. Yelling at hime will get you nowhere and obviously asking has done nothing. I hope I helped some.

[deleted account]

I don't understand how you would not have time to hold your child? I know I've heard that men are better at raising older kids & women w/babies, but GEEZ!!! I would also not try to come between him & his son...although I think he should make as much of an effort with his 2nd child as well, despite the age!!!



As far as the rest of it goes...if you are too busy taking care of his son and your son that your just don't have time to take care of the BIG baby in the house, well that would just be too darn bad huh? My husband went on this trip that I needed to be the ultimate house wife after I stopped working to be home with our son, I went on strike on his dumb sh!t!!! The way I put it was, that if you expect me to be a good mom to our child(ren in your case) then something had to go... I am not superwoman (nor are u)! My house is hardly spotless, of course it's trashed with toys so I ignore it. I try to keep the dishes up...but I may skip a day or two? I can't be a good MOM if I'm stuck cleaning the house all the time. And there's nothing wrong with cold cereal for breakfast, or pbj for lunch ;) GOOD LUCK

Michelle - posted on 07/18/2009

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thanks for the advice but i've tried both and when i talked to him about it all he did was give me the line,"I don't have time."when i said something about him and his oldest son he got mad and said it was because he only gets to see him for the summers but he has always been like this.i got him to help when i was in yhe hospital after i had him because i had a c-section but as soon as we lgot home it was all over and i was on my own.i would be alright but he insists that the house stay spotless,his oldest get a hot cooked meal three times a day,have supper cooked when he gets home and somewhere among there i am also suppose to feed our baby every two hours,all by myself and i just don't see how it is possible.i really hope i'm not pregnant again but i think i am cause i am always sick which makes everything even worse.i'm just at the end of my rope i don't know what to do,i've tried everything i can think of.anyone with new ideas please please help.

April - posted on 07/18/2009

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Call him on his behavior. He may not realize that he's doing anything... and if he does know what he's doing... call him on it.
He could be trying to let the older son know that he is still an important part in his life.

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