Hi all,i have three kids ,and after few days i will divorce,and i will take care of my kids alone ,i have difficultes to be the father and also the mother at the same time,i am also a work mam , i cant spend lots of time with my kids , i dont know what to do,help me please!

Latisha - posted on 03/04/2009

When my husband was in school and working 16 hour shifts every weekend, I found that doing little things with the kids really mattered.  Spend some time making treats at home or going for a walk (if the weather is nice).  It doesn't need to be something time consuming or expensive to count.  Kids will really remember the "little" things.  I know I did from my childhood.

Carolyn - posted on 03/04/2009

Believe it or not, you will be OK, things seem totally hard right now, but you will start to get strenth you never knew you had.  Starting over was the hardest thing for me.  Especially after I had 2 more kids later.  My first born started to rebell due to what her father was telling her.  The best way to handle that is to never talk down about your ex.  If they choose to be that way, you're kids will see for themselves.  Be honest with your kids and try to get their involvement to help out with the home stuff.  Meals at the table with all the kids, you would be surprized how important that time is for the kids.  When they look back that will be a good memory for them.  Let them know you love them as much as possible without smothering them.  I pray for you, as I have been there myself.  Best Wishes

Brandy - posted on 03/04/2009

Times are hard and very scary. I'm a single mom with a 10 year old daughter and I live in San Diego, with no family and my daughters father is not in her life. It's very tough but one of the great things I focus on is spending time with my friends and postive people. My friends are my family. (Easier said then done) but the more you focus on the great things you have in your life and try not to dwell on the negative aspects in your life, you will find it's becomes easier and easier to move forward. My suggestion is everyday for the next month write down 3 things in your life you are greatful for and it promise you will see life is not that bad. All you kids want is some mommy time, wheather is move time, time at the park or playing games. Try to schdule that time in. I hope my advice helps.

Brandy

Denise - posted on 03/04/2009

I am not a divorced or single mom but have lots of friends and family doing it on their own.  It is hard, scary, frustrating, exhausting and plain diificult but worth it in the end.  I assume the children are better with only one parent and that there is no possible way to get any help from the dad.  So I think the best way to do it is schedule a mom and children day once a wk or bi-wkly.  Just you and the kids and do something special together.  Having amazing support systems helps too.  Family, friends and free services in your community.  Working is essential but being involved in everything you can with your children is too.  Make the focus them.  Big Brother's and Big Sister's organizations can help fill the void of the missing parent.  Keep communication open with the kids and be honest.  I found too often the other parent is more concerned about themselves and finding someone for them but if your focus remains on the kids the time for someone to take care of you will come when you least expect it.

God Bless and I hope this helps a bit.

Krystyl - posted on 03/04/2009

If feasble, have family, sit -down dinners, and make sure everyone can tell you about thier day, or problems they're having at school,... also, make sure that you have scheduled time together,.. be sure to make room for the children, ie; game night, picknics etc.

Laure - posted on 03/04/2009

It seems scary and it is. The hardest part for me was learning how to do it all myself. I always wondered if I was paying enough attention to the kids. I have three kids and its been ten years since my divorce. I will tell you to be honest with your children. Talk to them and let them know that their feelings are important to you. When you are home with them and they go to tell you a story stop what you are doing and look them in the eye. Let them know you are listening to them and what they say is important to you.. Every decision that I have made as for as jobs has always involved them. Its made them feel important. Good luck. I know how tough it is but keep in mind. Its better to give them ten minutes of undivided attention then to be home for two hours and not pay any attention. They will remember the ten minutes.