Living with the worries of being hurt again!

Juliette - posted on 10/07/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I have been with my new boyfriend for almost a year and we had our son Cyrus a month ago. I knew him for two years before we ended up dating. I have three other children who he has accepted very well, who all have different fathers. i had been in a relationship with the first one dad and he wanted her aborted. My second one father was abusive, causing domestic violence towards me and I fought back and left,. My third ones father was lying to me and had another gf. I ended up alone at three months pregnant. All fathers had affairs and I tolerated it. Now I have a very hard time trusting my bf. He notices alot and tries to understand due to my past. I have seen picture posted up of him holding a girl twice in ways I didn't feel comfortable. I broke down during this scenario telling him to leave. I got to the bottom of the pics and found out he was drunk and she set up the pics, knowing he had a gf, to get back at her man. She didn't apologize or anything just told me I am dumb and a b****. I let it go. but My trust is mostly gone. When he wants to go out with friends I automatically get nervous and agitated towards him. When hes on his cell or on fb when I am in another room I get worried about secretiveness. i just want to be able to trust him, but he broke that with the pictures and secretive ways. I want our family to work but how do I get back to how I used to be when I was able to trust and not be worried and upset when he wants alone time?

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Trust is a hard thing to find once it is lost... but it sounds like you might never have had trust in him even from the beginning. Perhaps, he has some traits that remind you of your previous relationships or perhaps deep down you can feel some similarity in this relationship as with the past ones and you're going in circles with the end result being the same as all the others... I don't know you so I don't know your situation but I know myself and a lot of my friends and I find that most ladies who go through a cycle like this with relationships that involve abuse, be it physical, mental or emotional are ladies who are not emotional strong or confident in themselves. We put up with men like this because we are not confident enough in ourselves to stand up for ourselves. Instead of worrying about what could happen, about loosing him, start focuses your energy and thoughts on making yourself stronger, happier, and more confident. Yes, you love him and you want him in your life and your children's lives and it would be wonderful to have that picture perfect family but that is not always reality. Be true to yourself and work on getting yourself to a point where you are happy and confident in your life and don't need another person to feel complete or safe, where you can take care of yourself and your children and don't need anyone else. If you can get to that point, then if he is the right man for you, he will still be there and your fears of losing him and being hurt will have subsided, or if he is not the right man for you, then you will have kicked him to the curb and seen the cycle of "wrong" men that have come through your life and be strong enough to stay clear of these types of men. Again, I don't know you or your situation but I do hope it all works out for you.

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