my husband wnats me to get a job

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Jackie - posted on 06/20/2012

Hi Terina,

Your husband has no idea how hard you work as a MOM. Like Melanie said it is a 24/7 job for sure. Men are not wired the way women are so they will never understand unless they have the kids by themselves and you are no where around for at least 1 day. Hopefully your job searching is going well for you. Best of luck. Drop me an email if I can help in any way. :)

Melanie - posted on 06/20/2012

Tell him you will swap..LOL...give him a list of your weekly routine and tell him that if you work he will have to do everything you do. Tell him you are not going to put yourself in danger by working evenings but he can be a stay at home dad. Hopefully this will make him into realise just what Mums do. Make sure you add in the bit that he will have to get up in the night as you will be working..LOL.



I know you might not want to do that but it is a 24 hour a day 7 days a week job being a full time parent! You don't get a day off at all!

Jill - posted on 06/15/2012

When things were tight in our house, I was home with the kids during the day. Then my husband came home (4pm) and took over while I worked a 5pm-9pm shift.

One of the things that needs to be absolute is the time he comes home every day. Does your husband have a choice on when to be home? If so, you need to make it clear that your finding a job is contingent on his being home no later than X time, and that he will drive you to work and pick you up (assuming a non-walking distance).

If he has no choice on when to be home, I don't know what kind of job he expects you to to that starts after 7:30 and ends early enough for you to get decent sleep before your husband has to leave in the morning.

Jackie - posted on 06/15/2012

Hi Terina
I am sorry to hear all of this, I know first hand it is tough situation. Have you ever thought about working from home? If interested, I would be willing to help you out. I currently work from home and LOVE IT! My schedule is so flexable around my three kids.

Have a great day! :)

Terina - posted on 06/13/2012

im in england and not alot like thqt is availiable here i used to work in a florist and they have a chain of companes across england to take flower orders over the phone its not a work from home job. you have to have the right qualifications here if your going to register as a childminder which means doing a college course which costs lots of money,and i dont know if id want other poeples kids the whole time to be honest ,although i am now looking after a friends son an hour an half every night for a little bit of cash im aslo selling cosmetics door to ddor sales type thing so i have found somehting for now which is a bit of pocket money nothing that earns loads of money but its soemthing .

Debi - posted on 06/10/2012

Terina, I'm in the USA. There is a flower company here that hires people to take orders over the phone from their homes. It's not available everywhere but maybe there is something similar where you live. I watched other kids for years at my house and I went to a family's home to take care of their 2-year-old until they moved to another town. I took my daughter with me. There are web sites here where you register to provide childcare, pet services and household help. It's free to join and it pays for a background check if prospective employers request one.

Terina - posted on 06/10/2012

debs yep , i had posted my update on here, finally ive found something that may work i say may cos im still trying it out, working was never the issue it was getting the work to fit in around my kids and being a housewife so just take the kids dosent always ft in with most employers and people dont generally let strangers do household chores for them i dont know which country your in but here if they struggle they usually have a carer to do those things or relatives but thanks for the advice, glad to say im getting somewhere now though but not a great deal of progress on the hubby front ! lol

Debi - posted on 06/10/2012

Can you work from home or take your child(ren) with you? I did that for years and it helped a lot. I also had a little extra to spend on my husband for his birthday and Father's Day gifts. Maybe there's a neighbor who needs childcare for a few hours a week or a senior who needs help with household chores or shopping.

Terina - posted on 06/09/2012

thanks erin you talk sense id already come to the conclusion too, i have now got myself a job where i choose my hours work at my own pace and im in charge of the aount of money i make by selling cosmetics. oh and i look after a friends kids after school for an hour or 2 5 days a week now which puts a little extra pocket money aside. yes im still doing 99 percent of it apart from the diy but u know what like u say i have realsied that i could do it alone if needed too ! the latest one was me and my husband went to town today ( very rarely do we go into town shopping together) i was paying at the till for somthing and my daughter needed the loo so naturally i ask him to tkae her as i was busy and you know what his answer was can u take her cos you know what your doing , i dont know where the loos are ! so i tell him theres a cafe opposite but no i had to stop what i was doing to take her to the loople i know it meant we just swapped places but i came back and finished the transaction, he made the excuse he thught it was rude to just use a cafes toilet without buying anything ! yeah great excuse isnt it ! i said to him it wouldve been more rude if id let our daughter stand there anwet herself and leave it for someone else to clear up !! . i guess some things will never change ,,,,,

Erin - posted on 06/08/2012

Personally I'd just tell him "I would like you to become King of the World but that's not gonna happen." You have a job already and you don't get paid for it. Your kids are too young for you to be able to go to work especially since the hours you'd have to work are unreasonable and unrealistic. He's probably got some dumb friend telling him he should make you get a job. I'd tell him too if you DID go to work he has to do 50% of all house work including bedtime, potty training, diapers, dishes, trash, laundry, sweeping, mopping, budgeting, groceries, playtime, planning, schedualing etc, on top of his 50% dutites to work, and make repairs on the house.

Just tell him not gonna happen. Tell him to do his duty as a man and take care of his family and stop whinning about it. Also if my husband said anything like that push bike comment he'd be sleeping alone for the next month. Honestly if you have to do ALL the work your job as mom and housekeepr and HIS JOB as bread winner perhaps you don't need him at all.

Terina - posted on 06/02/2012

thnks for your advice anna, but my littelst one is still at home and not in nursery,no part time job would pay enough to cover child care here. i used to have an evening job but although my husband appreciated it he didnt have to a thing still cos by the time i went to work id already have done dinner and put the kids to bed, we only have 1 day togehter which i thik is important to kee for the family as otherwise f i work that day like i used to the kids miss out on family time. however theres been some progress basically ill be looking after a freinds llittle boy afte school every day and i have started self empolyment on selling cosmetics. its ok at the moment, my issue wasnt weather to work or not really it was always trying to find the work that fitted in with the kids . this at the moment does. its a really hard situation for a lot of us mums who have kids of non school age to try n find work around the kids that dosent interupt the family too much .

Anna - posted on 05/31/2012

I was in the same situation. I was a stay at home mom for 9 years and my husband decided when the little one entered Kindergarden, that I was to start working.Mind you, it was only 2 days a week that my kiddo was at school. So, I was the mom, wife, caregiver, and now worker, too. Although I only work part-time, it was a huge adjustment for all of us. The girls missed their full time mom and I missed being there. My hubby works Radical hours, also. I am only telling you my story because there is a light at the end of the tunnel. My husband, after about 6 months of me working part time, stepped up. He now is a much better husband and dad. He realized how hard I worked at home. He and I are now best friends and he helps with the house, not expecting it all to be "my job". I say take his advise and start interviewing. If he gets upset, tell him, "This is what you wanted." Make sure on his one day off, you do all you can to get ready for interviews. Make him watch the kiddos. He will appreciate you more and will rethink if you having a job outside the home is worth it. I know my hubby and I have decided it is best, but only if we work as a team. Good luck and God bless!

Renee - posted on 05/26/2012

I actually work because I love what I do and the kids are teens, so no toe stepping here! I have a motto, "If you do what you love for a living, you will never work a day in your life." So maybe I don't really work since I love it! I'm an actress/comedian and also teach a part time class called "Creative Comedy" at our local vocational high school. When the kids were little, I opened my tiny daycare just to take stress off my hubby (because that makes marriages so fragile). That was it though, because my son was deaf and I knew he would do best with me.

My daycare closed when they were much older though, and then I began to work for ME (the money went to the family, of course, but the actual working outside the house was for my own sanity). I finally had adult friends and could make enough for us to go on vacations.

Oh, yes, if you work or if you don't, get to understand couponing and really work with it. I can't "Extreme Coupon" like the show, but I've bought 50.00 worth of stuff for just .47! All items we needed too, like softner, detergent, toilet paper, etc.

Heather, you have my vote! My kids are now almost out of the house, that's why I leave the house to work now (it's really fun to me, I just get paid to have fun, and being an actress is a lot of fun).

Heather - posted on 05/25/2012

I am probably going to step on some toes here...but I am a very traditional person, and am a strong believer in the woman's right to stay home and raise her children. Mine are 14, 10 and 4, and I have been home for 7 1/2 years. I have done the career-mom thing, and our experiences have made clear to us that our family functions so much better with me at home that it is not worth me returning to work.

That said, I also feel that the woman's job is to make her husband's paycheck stretch as far as possible! Spend some time searching for coupons in papers, websites, save.ca etc., and prove to your husband that you are able to save him a LOAD of money because you ARE home. Also, I spend time thoroughly combing through thrift shops and second hand stores for deals, especially on kids' clothes, and I know my husband appreciates how much time/effort go into that, and he understands how much money I am saving him.

Ultimately, it is YOUR choice, not his. My husband worked 7 days a week for two years straight while I was at home with the kids...it is now the Mom's right to reclaim her place in the home!

Denise - posted on 05/22/2012

I work from home selling skin care to my family and friends. The products have changed my skin and I look and feel younger! U also get paid the following week so u don't have to wait to get paid for ur efforts. If u would like more information, please let me know. The products are also good for the environment and great for ur skin!

Renee - posted on 05/21/2012

Do the part time work for yourself is my answer. My husband was killing himself in overtime and it was hurting our marriage in a big way. If it brings peace to the home, as the wife and mom, the nurturing part ofthe family, needs to do what she can to bring that peaceto the home.

I worked as a home childcare to relieve stress when the kids were little, I only took in a couple of kids though. Now that they are teens, I am working as a professional actress/comedian and also teach Creative Comedy part time at our local Regional High School. It's what I love, so it's not work to me, and it's MOMMY time.

If you can, be creative to assist financially. The home childcare worked for all of us, it might be an area you want to look into as well. Men feel so much extra financial pressure these days since everything is so expensive, yet we need it. Bring some much needed calm to a situation you might find to be much worse than having a small part time job.

My opinion is to do what you love for a living, you won't work a day in your life...

Nikki - posted on 05/09/2012

My husband has taken the opposite approach! I drive and have done all sorts of bits of accounting, admin, teaching, direct selling etc etc. but I have just had baby number 2 and a rough pregnancy an baby number 1 is only just 3, he has said that he wants me at home with the kids and running the house. I was a bit bothered by this at first as ive always kept busy with something or other , but now I can see that in our current circumstances h is right, I don't have to work to pay the bills. Working part time woul cause more inconvenience than the money I'd earn would be worth. So I'm happy to stay home now! Good luck in what ever you choose x

Terina - posted on 05/05/2012

i think weighing it all up in all honesty its my husband every now and then he worries about finance and feels he has this massive weight on his shoulders to provide etc and maybe in a way feels a bit jealous because he has to work and im at home looking after the house n kids at my own pace or so he thinks anyway so the need to work isnt necessarily financial ,i have been analising it and this is my conclusion. maybe :-)

YeeSin - posted on 05/03/2012

Looks like your problem is not what jobs to find, but more around it working outside of home something you even need to stressed about! Why is your husband asking you to work if you don't HAVE to work to pay your mortgage? if you have to option of not working and still survive your day to day life, why is this an issue?

Terina - posted on 05/03/2012

cindy first of all im not a single parent and they not excuses they are reasons, i get what you are saying , and if the jobs are there i will take them, i know you dont have to drive to work etc, but i dont live in a city, i live on a bus route where buses are stopped at 10 at night . i have a child at school that i have to be there to drop him and pick him up also . i dont think they are excused they are reasons, i do take my child on buses of course but by the sounds of it youve been lucky enough to have found work that works for you, like i said in my previous posts i will do it if it pays and works out for me. we are in diffrent countries and as i explained to you in your email over here most companies have staff onsite to package their items , I AM trying to help myself thank you which is why i was on here in the first place im trying to do the best thing for everyone, i do have a choice to work or not and thankfully were not in the position where i HAVE to go to wok to get the mortgage paid . i was trying to get peoples back up / opinons on the matter seeing what others would do and maybe a bit of support ,its ok you throwing your ideas at me on what i could do but i can just get a cleaning job the job has to availiable in the first place, ive already explained the situation with companies packing items and the situation about evening work its not exuces its reasons.and just for the record no im not climing benifit because im not working we pay for everything we own and nothing is given to us . ( not that claiming benifit if you need it is a bad thing i was just claryfying )

Cindy - posted on 05/02/2012

not boxes regular shopping bag one ata time. honey i did this and so much more by myself asa single parent you have to want to do things to get it done.. i had to take 3 kids ona train walk through the city and take my son to a hospital for his needed therapy. come on now too may excuses here... want to help but you have to help yourself too. Nothing is ever easy in the beginingbut things get better and easier with time.. please keep this in mind. i'm not blasting you just trying to give you some perspective. YOU Can do things without a car and on a bus with a child in tow. i cleaned houses too and took all three with me.. nothings easy but you have to start somewhere try something.. good luck.

Vanessa - posted on 05/02/2012

Sounds to me like you know what is the best decision here, it comes through in all your messages, I think the best thing for now is to stay looking after your kids and husband and avoiding the stress of working as it is trying to make it work, take it from someone who works nights with young kids so just relax enjoy the family and make the most of it till it works out for you to go, it's always hard when the kids are little it's the same for everyone find some ways to cut costs like plant veges, kids love vege gardens and recycling what you have there are some great tricks. Hope you work it out

Terina - posted on 05/02/2012

hi cindy thanks but again i dont drive so carrying boxes of stock on and off busses with 2 yr old in tow wont work, it dosent quite work like that here unfortunatly most companies here have staff on the premises to do those sort of things but yes great if i could i would x

Cindy - posted on 05/02/2012

I don't know if you have any local companies that need small items packaged! Besides driving a school bus. Selling Jewels by ParK lAne and Tastefully simple I package buttons and craft items for a local company! I pick up and deilver the product from. Their office and they ship out to customers. Like walmart michaels crafts kmart ect! Doesn't pay tons but it does help so while I'm watching TV or on a school trip sitting around I package the goods and make $$$ just another thought!

Terina - posted on 05/02/2012

hi christine yes ive thought of that too but id need to do a childcare course and again all comes back to money, and f parents leave their kids with me id expect them to ask if i was qualified although having 2 kids already its completly different when you want to become a childminder, plus if they /parents want to claim back some of their cost it has to be with a registered minder so thqt puts a spanner in the works. its annoying our government say they want mums to go back to work but for every soloution theres a brickwall stopping us ! even a cleaning job i wouldnt mindas i could probably take my daughter with me but they are so few and far between plus travel ... would have to be on bus routes and during bus running times. sounds like i have every excuse not to work dosent it but honestly if i could have the best of both worlds i would,but it HAS to work out in our favour otherwise theres no point in doing so. still appreciate everyones comments thouh thanks guys x

Christine - posted on 05/01/2012

Could you possibly care for others peoples children in your home? You would be bringing in an income. You can set your own availability. You will be home with your children. You will be providing a service to other parents in your community. You can probably charge a smaller fee than a daycare would. Which would benefit those that you are providing the service to. Plus you would probably be closer to the homes of those you would be caring for so parents would possibly also save on the gas money of going to get their child from daycare or taking them to the daycare. Just an idea.

DeeDee - posted on 04/29/2012

Personally, when I tried working just a couple of nights a week because we had big bills to pay off things went south. My kids were much grumpier and were just generally less polite and behaved poorly. I did it for just a few months to pay off stuff until we got back on our feet. That experience was a testament to me that I need to be in the home. Even if I could go into the work force and get a bigger paycheck than my husband, mom belongs in the home. I have tried working from home to no avail but seriously believe I could do well if I learned to do transcription, but that is a couple hundred bucks I have yet to save up. In the mean time we have cut out all we can. No cable, eat at home 99% of the time, take our own trash to the dump ( a few miles away) are just a few things that we have adjusted to so I can stay home and we can still be happy and comfortable. Gardens help with food budgets and we limit outings to free fun.

So I guess what I am saying is, if you don't feel comfortable working outside of the home, you might work from home, and/or see where you could maybe budget better so money is easier to work with. Best of luck to you!

Della - posted on 04/25/2012

You guys are a team. Obviously your husband is stressed about money. Either you can save on your end or he can help out more while you work outside the home. Talk about what you want or NEED the funds for and how you will get there. With two young kids you are both exhuasted but if you sork together you can solve the problem.

Kena - posted on 04/22/2012

I say have him take care of the kids and do all that you do on his only day off and than for him to go to work on Monday so that he can see how tired and wore out that being at home can be, Its a job on itself!! If you want to work and are comfortable with it than maybe a 2 day a week job wouldnt be bad and he is already home so that you wont have to get a sitter. Its important that you still indulge in adult activity as well. Hope that you figure things out, Im just now learning how to be a SAHW instead of an independent working mom and am learning just how much is done when are home. So give yourself some major credit for working in home but also allow an open mind about working. Maybe if you dont drive learning would be something good for you to accomplish, and if you are having to walk or ride a bike later at night make sure to have a flashlight , maybe some pepper spray and stay on main roads so you can be seen!! Good Luck

Vanessa - posted on 04/22/2012

Can you take your husbands car once he gets home, I work nights from 8pm or 9pm till midnight 2 nights a week Which brings in enough money to pay some bills, and it gets me out of the house and back into the work force, it's good to have other adult input. Hope you work it out.

Terina - posted on 04/19/2012

i dont have anyone to look after the youngest, shes not at nursery yet as we cant afford it as the free hours wont start till she is 3, and also i could work in the day but no 10-2 job will py enough to cover the childcare cost so will be working for nothing . hense why i dont work int he first place

Helen - posted on 04/19/2012

while two incomes is better than one your safety is top priority although could you not find a job that is in the day maybe leave your lil one with ur mom or daycare ???? it depends what your options are for childcare huni me personally would wait till ur youngest it at school then childcare wouldnt be as big of an issue good luck huni in wat ever you do decide