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Should I let my son travel overseas to see Daddy when he pays no maintenance?

Karen - posted on 05/18/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

4

14

My son is 9 this August. I'm a single mom and have received around 3 years of maintenance payment. I now receive drips and drabs from the grandfather in the UK who is 'assisting' my son's father to pay for our child. The exchange rate is great for us South Africans but the father still refuses to pay his side of things the way he should.

I am lenient and allow visits to the UK by my son on a yearly basis. I have grown a debt longer than my arm and have worked out that it will take me around 5 more years to get out of the whole I have landed myself in at the rate I am going. Expenses overwhelm my income and has been this way for 4 years now.

I have received lectures about sending him this year again and have been told to hold back UNTIL such time as a down payment is made on the maintenance the father has not paid for so long. My son will be sad, but at least I'll be making a statement. The father gets away with not paying. Am I wrong to do this? What would you do?

If the maintenance is paid up as it should've been, I would be on a good foot and be able to afford life today! The reason my expenses outweigh my income is because I have so much interest I'm paying on cards etc. Its a vicious circle and I'm stuck in the middle of this tornado.

I'm aching to stop my son from going. What do you think. Will it work, what have you done, what would you do and what kind of statement would you make in this situation?

I'd love to hear from you all.

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2 Comments

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JENNIFER - posted on 05/18/2009

6

9

me personally i would let my son go on certain condition and one of them would be that his father would have to pay for his transportation there and back and if he can do that then let him go because spending time with his dad is priceless no amount of money can buy the time he is going to spend with his father and the memories he will have.

Ashley - posted on 05/18/2009

2

2

It's a hard one and to be honest don't let anyone elses comments cloud your judgement or your thoughts! You do what you feel is right for your situation... as we do not know the personality of the father or grandfather to even comment on how best to deal with your situation. So I can only go on my experience of my little girls dad who too has not paid any maintenance and as harsh as it was i had to be cruel to be kind in the end. My decision was based on support - I was not getting any financially yet I had to struggle and pay for her clothes thus making me in debt through time. I would always take on board her fathers situation and I think he got used to the idea of "working" me that he got a great end of the deal.



Push came to shove at the end of time and I decided to take drastic measures and like you (felt terrible) however i done it for my good and also my daughters... she deserves the maintenance she deserves a great life and her father should contribute to that quality of life!! I won't explain what i done as that is not relevant and don't want to lead you other thoughts.



All I say is do what you feel is right... and if you think doing that will make a difference (shock tactics normally do) then go for it as to be honest you will always get mixed feelings from others no matter what decision you take.



Good luck and hope it all goes well for you in the end :)

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