Toddler won't listen

Suzi - posted on 12/04/2010

After terrible 2 - there is trouble 3 for sure. I got 3 kids all under 5. One is 3 1/2 now. She happens to be the one that listens the most. Definitely time out and setting the rules and be consistent with it is really important. Our oldest got spoiled because he is also the first grand child. The older kids also set example for the siblings to follow. So we need to discipline the oldest and each and everytime (consistent) it would be easier for the others to follow. Sounds like she is the older child. I also think there is fight for attention. Kids will especially do things so they can get your attention - good or bad. They quickly figure out they get attention faster if they are bad. So try to praise her for little things so feel the attention and hopefully that will make her want to do more good thing. I often got trap in all those thing I have to do and forgot to do this too..I will need to remind myself more of giving gratitude and praise our children when they are good.

Kelly - posted on 11/27/2010

I am having the same problem with my almost four year old. He gets home from preschool and acts like a crazy child. We have found that getting him to help us out with dinner calms him down and helps him to listen better. It give him a sense of accomplishment knowing that he can do something that will make mom and dad happy with him.

Suzie - posted on 11/25/2010

That is their job to not listen. It is your job to be consistent. Give time out for 3 and half minutes. Don't stop, don't give in and it will work. Also, have your 3 yr. old help out with the baby. This does help. Also, put the baby done for a nap at a different time as their nap. That way you can get some much need it one on one. See if your husband can keep the baby while you and your 3 yr.old go to the park for an hour, a walk or to a movie. Things will get better just have patients. Tell both your children you are my favorite when the other is not around. It helped with my youngest. Good luck.

Katherine - posted on 11/23/2010

3.5 year olds have very compulsive behaviors. They may listen the first time and then go and do the same thing 2 seconds later. Is she in pre-school? Sometimes being in school with all of the rules causes them to poop out and act up at home. They just can't meet anymore demands.
I also think you need to spend time ALONE with her as others have said. She probably feels left out and the time outs and taking things away intensify that.
My daughter was 3.5 when I had my second and I remember how "naughty" she used to be all of the time, until I realized that the poor thing wanted my attention.
She was so used to it just be her. It was a shock for her too to have another person in the house.
She was used to me doing everything for her and now I had this little human being to take care of. I couldn't cater to her needs anymore.
So I would try spending more time with her.

Tabitha - posted on 11/18/2010

I went through something similar when our baby was born. I had to make myself sit down and just focus on our older child. She needed me and I needed sleep!!! It was frustrating, but we finally settled on having "quiet time" while laying in my bed watching Dora and Diego. :) Try to just give her some attention and see if you don't see an improvement. I'd also try getting her to be your helper. This age is soooo into "helping" and being with you, that even asking her to grab a diaper or pick out the baby some shoes is a fun task for them! It's also really sweet to see how now that the baby is getting older, my older one is trying to "teach" her how to do things. Hope things improve soon!!!

Sue - posted on 11/17/2010

even negative attention is still attention to a toddler. She wants your attention since the baby is now getting most of it. Try planning a day just for her, even a few hours. Take her to the park, lunch or a movie( just the 2 of you) She probably feels left out since everyones attention is on the baby and what the baby is doing so she acts out. Ask her if she wants to help with the baby as well, such as getting the diapers or with the wipes. Include her to let her know she is just as important and to show her the baby is special too. You should see a positive difference soon. Hope it helps

Dawn - posted on 11/16/2010

It sounds like she may be worried about becoming second best to her brother. She may just need some time alone with you to know that she's still important to you, as well as positive reinforcement and assurance that she is equally as loved as her brother. It's just a thought...

Stephanie - posted on 11/15/2010

Time out, time out, time out. I went through the same thing with my oldest and now my youngest thinks running off when we call him is a game. We've started doing time out everytime he ignores us and he's gotten alot better. It will take days but being consistent will always work.

Also spend some "special" time together daily. Make cookies or do crafts together in the evening when the baby is sleeping or while your other half is home.

Our oldest son started acting up again when we were going through a big transition of moving. His teacher recommended doing something together nightly that he would look forward to if he behaved. Nightly board games worked great for us.

Casey - posted on 11/13/2010

Thats a really tough age, but you'll probably find that positive reinforcement is better then yelling cause they usually don't listen any better when they get told off, try a rewards chart and give her jobs to do around the house like keeping her room clean, helping you clean the bathroom etc and everytime she does something good then she gets another point on her rewards chart but everytime she does something bad then one gets taken away and once she reaches a certain amount she gets a suprise or a special outing, make a big deal out if and get her to help you make it and decorate it. Also keep telling her that she has to be a big helper cause she needs to teach her little brother how to help because thats what big girls do.
Also make it simple for her to keep her room clean have different tubs or baskets for her stuff like one for dolls, one for books, one for shoes etc make sure you print off some labels or pictures to stick on them so she know which ones are which, if it's not simple enough for them then they will just get over whelmed with the task and won't do it.
Good luck and hang in there :)