Getting re active in all things spiritual.

Melissa - posted on 12/12/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Hello all,
My name is Melissa and I am new to Mormon moms. I'm also a convert to the LDS church. I have a 1 year old daughter and my husband and I have been married for over 5 years. Although my journey hasn't been perfect my husband has been inactive for quite some time. I am wondering if anyone else has incountered this kind of spiritual hurdle and what I can do to help make him feel more comfortable about going to church. We have always lived in a predominantly LDS area and his experience with people being hipocritical frustrates him among other reasons why he doesnt want to go to church. Growing up I never had a large religious foundation and I really want our daughter to have that. I try to to carry the spiritual handcart on my own, but its easy for me at times to skip church to hang out at home to spend time with him. I've wanted to start having Family Home Evening but its a little daunting thinking that I'll have to do it on my own. He has a strong testimony and supports me in my desire to attend meetings etc. But its hard to do it all alone. Plus I really want to get sealed some day and I would love it if he could baptize our daughter. I don't want to push him away but I would love it if he at least tried. My choices haven't always been good but I'm at a point in my life I want to move forward and take those baby steps to reach some of my goals. Any advice or thoughts from anyone would be great.

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Gloria - posted on 01/01/2010

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Dear Melissa: I was very touched when I read your post, and wanted to post a reply and open a line of communication if you should ever need or want to contact me for any ideas or help.
It sounds as though you and your husband have a good relationship with each other, having been married 5 years. You're experiencing some growing moments and 'stretching' moments' with your conversion & baptism, and the step of parenthood in the last year with all its ups & downs and "how do I do this again?"
It won't be long before your little one will be able to go to Nursery at Church, and some of the thoughts that came to me center on that relationship to help you all grow, let each other know that you really care for and love one another, and that both of you as parents can be key to teaching your little girl at the same time.
FHE with young ages is sometimes a challenge for anyone, but the idea I would like to share is: Find an activity you can all take part in for a few minutes and enjoy with each other: ( making something together that you all like to have for a treat) that gets the lesson part started and takes care of the treat part! Keep it easy - slice and bake cookies, Ants on Logs (celery with peanut butter & raisins) whatever you like and want to do, and you feel is healthy for all of you. If you don't already have a CD or tape of Primary songs or Favorite Children's Songs, see if you can find one. As you are doing your food activity, working together, sharing a laugh, etc., start learning some of these simple, beautiful songs that will be easy for you little girl to learn with your time and patience. It may even trigger a memory with your husband of a song he loved and learned as a child. Some suggestions: I Am a Child of God, Love One Another, Keep the Commandments, I Often Go Walking, etc. Listen to some songs, and see which ones you think will fit it with your particular situation.
Always remember to keep things simple. That's the basic message of the Gospel anyway, maybe that's what caught your attention - Love the Lord, Love One Another as you would have someone love you. Break things down to basics - keeping the commandments - If everyone we know kept the commandments Moses brought down from the Mount, what would the world be like today? When Christ came and said He gave a new commandment, "Love One Another", if we all did that with true love in our hearts, we would make a positive difference in our world.
Most importantly, remember that you wanted to join the Church because of your testimony of the Gospel - Not your testimony of all the people you know, whether they are members or not. We can't judge others, and we hope they don't judge us. We just have to keep it simple. Learn more every day, and LOVE ONE ANOTHER.
I hope this is of some help, gives you some ideas, and I hope you and your sweet family have Blessings poured out upon you in your home.
If you ever need to talk to me, feel free. Gloria (Happily married for 32 years to the love of my life, in the Ogden Temple. Blessed with 5 Beautiful daughters, & 1 handsome son, age 10. 3 sons-in-law, and 3 beautiful little grandchildren.

Karen - posted on 01/27/2010

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We just sang Jesus wants me for a Sunbeam in Family Home evening this week- it's a cute song. I would say the way to please a 1 year old and a man in FHE is to go easy on the lesson and big on the refreshments! A short lesson and song followed by a nice family activity and a sweet treat is much better than a long frustrating lesson that you end up rushing because everyone's losing interest. My children were really tired this week so we had a quick lesson on being positive and speaking nicely to others, sang the song and ate cookies. You could share a bit of what you learnt at church. If you get the Friend magazine (which is also online at www.lds.org) there are some nice stories that you could read together and some really cute recipes (most of which require Graham crackers which we can't get over here in the UK-I'm so jealous!) I would say try a few things out and see what works for your family. As I see it the main idea isn't so much to have it as a teaching/learning experience but to keep time special for family. So even if your husband doesn't want any religious side to it -still have FHE and enjoy quality time together as a family. I hope this has been helpful and if not, remember, the church is perfect but the people are not!

Morgan - posted on 12/30/2009

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I was inactive myself for quite a few years before i met and married my husband. I had trouble with some of the types of people that attend church as well. I just look at it that there will always be those types of people that frustrate you because of their attitude. I find that a lot of times some Mormon's have a superior attitude and that drives me crazy. The thing that has helped me through it is that I do not go to church for anyone else but myself. I go because I believe in the teachings of the church. Bro or Sis so and so might drive me crazy, but their choices and attitudes do not and will not change my own decision to have an eternal life.

Taking it all on can be overwhelming. Perhaps you can ask your husband to help you out in this (Family home evening). The Nursery book (the one they use at church) is great for teaching little ones for family home evening and it will be great for that age. Your FHE might only be for 10 minutes until your daughter becomes older and that is still great!

I am here if you ever want to talk more about it.

Morgan

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Kadie - posted on 06/28/2010

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Maybe he will come for 1 meeting that is something you could suggest... My husband won't do Sacrament or Priesthood meeting but he is now going to Sunday School but only if they have the Gospel Principles class (he hates the deep doctrine / hypocrite stuff). Just a thought. :)

Melissa - posted on 06/04/2010

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Karen those are great points. In fact I have said similar things to my mom because sometimes she gets offended when people talk to her about church things. She is not LDS and sometimes when people mention church things they aren't doing it to be rude or judgemental. I think that sometimes we misunderstand when people are just trying to show care or concern. Just like you said. We just recently moved into a new ward which is always tough but maybe my husband will come sometime :)

Karen - posted on 05/13/2010

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Can I just remind everyone that no-one is perfect on this earth otherwise they'd have been translated so while others may think they are or come across as being so, we know by their presence on earth that they're not! They are even less perfect if they judge others, especially those who are making an effort in the face of adversity. Sometimes people make judgements in an effort to understand us and they forget that questions like 'Why haven't you been to church for ages?' can make people uncomfortable, they maybe just want to know if they can help. Also the classic 'Wow-I haven't seen you for a long while!' May be meant as 'I've missed you' or 'It's really good to see you.' but it can sound like a reminder that you haven't been to church for a while or like a judgement. I think that the best thing is to be positive and give others the benefit of the doubt. Instead of being offended or feeling judged just assume they meant whatever they said as a way to show they care or a way of showing that they want to help you. As for feeling like a hypocrite-if you feel like one it probably means you're not because if you were you wouldn't admit it- if that makes sense. I know I'm a bit idealistic but what do you have to lose? 3 hours on a Sunday!- Ok but apart from that? x

[deleted account]

hi melissa,
my name is terri-anne i have encountered a similar problem except that i myself have become inactive.
my husband joined the church a week after my 16th birthday we were dating on and off for 4 years before we married. we don't stay in an lds area (closest members are 20km away, closest church 45km) my husband also works very long hours and i have found as you have staying at home to spend a little time with him. i feel very much the same way you do in many aspects.
i have found that when i choose to do what i should and go to church (not presuring my husband, just inviting him along) he becomes more inclined to want to go with. my husbands main problem is that he does not want to be a hypocriticc.

we must always remember that the church is right and true those in the church msy not be but when we were baptised we agreed to lessen the burdens of others to help them and stand as a witness of christ.

pray for him and yourself to give you strength. I will do the same.

please let me know how you are doing.

Erica - posted on 04/17/2010

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Gloria-
I find your post to be very helpful. I'm actually an inactive member and I really want to go back to church now that I have a son more than ever. I want him to grow up in the church. I'm 22 and I have this great anxiety about going back to church to this ward with people that I went to high school with. I went to seminary my freshman and part of my sophmore year and just stopped going. So when I go back I really feel that I'm being judged the moment I walk in the door, making my anxieties worse. I really want to go and I can't seem to get over this anxiety. But when you said, "Most importantly, remember that you wanted to join the Church because of your testimony of the Gospel - Not your testimony of all the people you know, whether they are members or not. We can't judge others, and we hope they don't judge us," it made me feel a little better and I don't judge the people I know, but I can't get over the feeling that their judging me.

Melissa - posted on 03/20/2010

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Thanks again. Someone at church was just reading that magazine last week. Thats exactly it Karen. :) He has a strong testimony but just doesnt want to do the "church thing" right now. Hopefully these small things will keep the spirit strong in our home.

Melissa - posted on 01/19/2010

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These are great ideas so far! I remember my husband saying that he liked the song Sunbeam or something when he was a kid. Maybe I'll try that one out and see what we can do. It's all baby steps I guess :) keep these ideas coming. It just helps to feel like there are others out there who may have experienced the same thing or that I'm not in this alone. Thanks for the positive reminders!

[deleted account]

That's a tough one. I have had hard feelings towards others in our faith because of the same hypocritcal stance some members take. If anything it all boils down to this....the Gospel is True, Jesus is the Christ and He is the only one in this church that is perfect. The rest of us make mistakes and even judging those who are hypocritical is a sin in the eyes of God. Each of us is on the same road, but at different points. Some are much further ahead, some just beginning. We all need to be sensitive to each other and more accepting of differences. Sometimes that is a hard lesson to learn (and re-learn).



My best to you!!!

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