Advice on how to deal with a difficult nana?

Véronique - posted on 04/05/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

So I have a question for both DIL's and MIL's on how to deal with a situation. It is a long post, I apologize ahead of time.



When I first started seeing my child's father, his mom hated me, she even went as far as telling him that "I wasn't good enough for him" and that he "could do better", granted I was at the time in a complicated situation and just going thru a divorce, so I could understand her concern. Anywho, the whole fight ended with him and his mother having a falling out for about 5 months, she told him she didnt want to have anything to do with him if he was seeing me( which happened a few more times), and he stood up for me. Now That and the fact that she herself hasnt spoken to her own mother(who also hadnt spoken to her mother for years before she eventually passed away) or sister in about 4 -5 years should have been a huge red flag BUT She eventually apologized to him for saying it, and we moved past, (or so I thought), so thru-out the next 3 years or so, we had a few more episodes where she would make a snide comment (never to my face but behind my back, to him), and then they'd fight and he wouldn't talk to her until she apologized to him again (take note that she never once apologized to me and I was always nice and polite towards her and his family). When we found out I was pregnant we told my parents, and they were thrilled, and I told him it was up to him how to tell his parents, so he told his parents, to which his mother replied with "i cant deal with this right now." and she moved to Alberta for work and basically tried not to acknowledge the fact that I was pregnant for the next 7 months along with the rest of his family. SO, when we found out I was pregnant we were living in a suite with mice and decided that wouldn't do, so we knew we had to move, and we decided to move in with my grandparents, and agreed to live there until our son was born, and then I had agreed to move to his parents house for a short while until we could find somewhere for us to live, now while i was pregnant, my boyfriend got hurt, and as a result had to stop working, and then our son came 2 months early and was hospitalized for 2 months. So it was an extremely stressfull and tense time for all. Which caused major issues in our relationship, but as per our agreement we moved to his parents after he was out of the hospital. It was tough to adapt to being so far from my family for support especially with a new baby but we did ok, and we got into a routine, then his mom moved back to winnipeg and all hell broke loose, she is very much a control freak, almost OCD degree, which is something my boyfriend actually inherited from her; she wants everything done her way, and right now, when she walks thru the door it doesnt matter if you spent the entire day cleaning the kitchen and living room and doing laundry, she will whine that the bathroom isnt spotless. BUT She is a fabulous nana to my son, she absolutely adores him, as does the rest of my boyfriends family. But she would still get upset if I stepped in and she was doing something, and generally speaking she would bulldoze over me or what I was saying when it came to my son. So eventually, things just got out of hand because she would constantly be yelling at my boyfriend about something, and calling him lazy and all this other stuff, and then between that and my cabin fever (they live 40 minutes away from anything). I went nuts, couldnt handle it and said I needed to leave, so I packed my stuff and me and my son went to stay with my parents, we ended up sort of breaking up. (She called LITERALLY everybody in his family and told them the moment I walked out the door) Which was about 2 months ago now. last week when I was over at his parents, we decided that we were going to try and make it work again, but slowly. While I was there his dad came home and then went out their cabin where his mother was. well within 5 minutes of her hearing that i was there, she called my boyfriend and said that I was not welcome in their home, and a bunch of other stuff that he wouldn't tell me. He again defended me, I took all of my sons stuff (he was still staying there 50% of the time to be fair) and brought it with me, and my boyfriend moved in with his friend, saying he wants nothing to do with his mother ever again, and that he didnt want our son there.



So my question is.

I feel that our son should definately see his nana, she loves him and he loves her, despite how his father or i might feel about her. BUT I also do not want her around my son nearly as much as she used to be. And I dont want her around him until she agrees to sit down and talk with me face to face about her obvious issues with me, I also feel that I deserve an apology, not just for the one incident but for how she made me feel unwelcome thruout the entire 3 years. Am I being completely outrageous with that? How else should I deal with her?http://www.circleofmoms.com/mother-in-la...