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annoying mother in law

Mel - posted on 06/15/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )

79

7

his mother is doing my head in.

it might just be the hormones n im a bit more argh than usual but ...

she used to call about twice a week at most ask when we will be in and arrange a time for her n her other disabled son to come over

now she just turns up at least twice a week and if shes not here that day you can garentee she will be on the phne for over an hour talking at you! not to you

when she is around unlike the rest of our family who make themselves at home and make themselves a drink if they want one she pesters for one then complains we havent offered her one!

she then goes on to demonstrate her new karate skills or kung foo in the living room (which is tiny about 5ft aquare) and asks me to raise my arm to show me the new block move she has learned.

she will then say something and force advice onto us such as the first thing she sed when we told her was "don't use any drugs at all in the labour"

then she has invited her son out (through me not him) to a photo sesion, and her disabled sons college leaving presentation

then sed to me when i sed oh that sound nice

"oh its just for paul we only hav 1 ticket"

"i just want a new photo of me and my sons"

then sed things like

all this attention your gettin now will soon disapear when the baby is born then you wont get any at all and the baby will get it all

well i am sorry but my family has different views on greeting a new member of the family into the family

you dont just reject the mother once the baby is born!

a whole load of waffle

but she does more

and it really irritates me

im having nightmares that the baby is born she comes to the hospital and escorts us home and then doesnt leave till the baby is grown

and then as she hates her mother with a passion, and her son dislikes her cos of all the talking i am getting terrifed that the baby will grow up to hate me!!!

can you advice on how to deal with her?

we have already discussed this together but apart from not answerin the phne n goin out every time she is round we cant come up with a reasonable solution!!!

please help or im gonna lose my head

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1 Comment

View replies by

Barbara - posted on 06/18/2009

1

25

Well from what I am understanding she is very, very, very, pushy. You & your husband need to set boundaries with her. If you only want her over once a week state that and tell her so. If she tries another day say no. If you set up a time and she does not show up do not entertain her on the phone. That is what she wants is to be the center of your husband's life not your particularly but you now come with the package. If you don't set boundaries now it will be even harder when the baby comes and might be next to impossible. Every house has a alpha female and you are it in your home. Don't let your mom or mil try to take you out of that position. Stand your grounds.



The picture thing is her trying to keep the alpha female status in her sons life. She knows if it bothers you she has won. I would really think of a tactful way to share this with your husband so he does not see you as the NAG.



Her views about what will happen after the baby comes my have happened to her. Just ignore it. It is not worth you getting all upset. It is her way of attempting to help you with out much tactfulnes.



Let me close by saying this.... boundaries are very hard to set especially with the mil. Here are two examples in my life that I believe I made the right decision.

1. My daughter was 5 months she had a cold. My inlaws had an apartment connected to there home. I went to pick up my husband which was suppose to take 30 minutes at the most. When we got there he had to work overtime so it put me coming home later. In the mean time my parents showed up unanounced. She entertained them. She didn't have to but she did. Now my mil was the age of my grandmother so, I did not talk back to her and let her do whatever. When she started in on me (maybe it was the late nights with my two children) I told her to be quiet and I did not want to her it. She was fussying because I had my daughter out in the cold air. She didn't offer to watch her so don't complain or read me the riot act. We had a new understanding that day.



Second: I took care of her when she was much older, in fact I nursed her until she passed away. I look at her one day and said she need to go to the hospital or doctors. I spoke to my husband and told him that his mother needed to go to the hospital etc.. What she would do is wait until my husband had to go to work or I would start school(I homeschooled) with my children to want to go to the hospital. Again I stood my grounds she waited like she normally did I told my husband call in sick or whatever your mother has to go to the hospital. I told you both at 8 am and you are now waiting until 2:00pm to go. He took her and I stayed home with the kids.



Don't get me wrong I was very flexable but sometimes they over step your boundaries and you half to set them straight and let them know you will not be walk over. I am doing my best not to be a meddling mil and give my daughter and SIL all the room they need.



I hope this helps.

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