AOE - posted on 04/17/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )
Its a long story about how I feel like I have never been fully accepted by my mother in law. It all started when her son and I started dating she was totally uncomfortable with the idea of sharing her son with me . He was her first child to go through the relationship thing and has another son. She would never want me around, never wanted to have a relationship with me, and was always trying to force us apart. She did not want me spending anytime with him on the phone or in person. She was almost to the point of being possesive of him. She never even took the time to get to know me just wanted to drive a wedge between me and her son instead of welcoming me to the family. I always tried to please her with great gifts and smiles but never given a chance. Needless to say she made him basically choose, her or me. He chose me which caused him to part ways from his family. We still attended family events just did not make it a point to keep in touch alot. We married and then needless to say five years later when we announced we were expecting, she kind of started talking to us more. After the birth of our child, she was a different person. It was like night and day with no acknowledgement to the treatment from her. The odd thing is that when her other son got a girlfriend(which was before we were married), she was totally supportive of their relationship and everything they did, but still keeping us at a distance. Now her other daughter in law is her bff. She makes it look like she is the perfect mother in law with her and acts like I am the reason we don't have that kind of relationship. She bends over backwards to please her and goes out of her way to do things for them. And throws around comments to us like don't you wish things would have been easier with you two. My husband's only response is alot of things would be different then. Its like she taunts us with how well she treats them vs us. My biggest problem is that now they have a child and my mother in law is over the moon over the child. She sits right in front of my children telling the child how much she loves her, constantly hugging and kissing her, and never does that with my children. One of my children is old enough to notice this and I hope that it doesn't bother her. She constantly talks about the other grandchild and tries to make a point to tell me about things she does for her. But is constantly making promises to my children and breaking them. When confronted about this, her reply is well I see the other grandchild more that is why she favors her, and that we can make a point to bring her our children and leave them with her if we want things to change. I'm against that because I feel that she has never given us, or actually me a chance to be part of the family until we had children and I don't even have a relationship with her so why leave my children with someone who is basically a stranger to me. Anyone else have a similar situation or advice. Any survival tips or words of encouragement would help ease my mind. I know I should be the bigger person and let it go but I'm so sick of it because she seems to love to taunt us with her wonderful relationship with her other son and daughter in law like we caused the issues between us and not her. She will never accept any blame on how things are and I feel she will never change. We have been dealing with this crap for over 13 years. There are times when I actually think things are going to change then she does something that slaps me back into reality. You think by now something would have changed.