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Hi! My name is Connie. Does anyone out there have a Daughter-in-law problem?

Connie - posted on 12/26/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My daughter-in-law has always been very possessive and controlling of my son. They are both in their 40's, have been married for 22 years, and have three children ages 12, 9, and 7. Michelle is very aggressive and I have never had the nerve to stand up to her for fear of losing my son, Brian. He has lost many long-time friends due to her possessiveness. Michelle is very manipulative and has discouraged my son from spending time with me. She has also lied to me and about me. Through the years, I have enabled them to spend their money foolishly by helping with their bills - to the point of doing without myself. Recently I had to retire due to multiple health problems. I had a stroke in May and a heart attack in August, then had to spend 30 days in a nursing home from Sep through Oct. In August, the day before my heart attack, all those bottled up feelings came to the surface and there was a big blow-up between all of us, which resulted in a total estrangement between my son, his wife, and myself. I am no longer able to help them financially and, as a result of our blow-up, my son now wants nothing to do with me. Throughout all my time spent in the hospital and nursing home, I've had no contact with my son and his family. When I was in the hospital in ICU, my son was called and refused to come. I am now home and trying to adjust to all the changes in my life... no longer being able to work, change in income, health problems, and the loss of my only family. I have filed for disability but for now, I have to live on Social Security and a small pension. I also had to give up my car, so have no transportation. I am very depressed and heartbroken over the estrangement from my son. Does anyone out there have similar problems?

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Corinne - posted on 01/26/2012

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Hi there Connie. I'm not a M.I.L, I am a D.I.L. In fact, according to my M.I.L I am one of 'those' D.I.L's. We have recently become estranged from my husbands mother because of lies she was telling about me and my husband and about our home life.

During the last seven years, I have enabled my M.I.L to taunt and control me by not standing up for myself. As we didn't see her so often it felt like the easy option, it isn't, as you yourself have learned. By helping with their money issues and keeping your true feelings to yourself, you have enabled them in their use of you. Now you are no longer playing by their rules, they don't want to play at all. For people in their 40's they sound very immature.

Surround yourself with people who genuinely care for you and vice versa. Their love and support will keep you strong. And please, don't lay all of this at your D.I.L's feet. She may not be very nice but your son has his own mind, he has played his part too. Luck and love x

Margaret - posted on 01/15/2012

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That's horrible! Your daughter-in-law sounds like a classic profile for "Monster-in-law", for real! Do you have any siblings or close friends? Try to spend time with them, and just let your son live with his choice--blood is still thicker than water and he will regret treating you that way eventually. It sounds like a situation where he will need you before you need him, anyway. If he contacts you, I would have a serious discussion with him about what has gone on--and let him see where and what the lies have been. Then let him make a decision on what your contact would be--and remember to put up boundaries. No more enabling on your part--you take care of you. You haven't mentioned what your relationship with your grandchildren is. I hate to say "wait and see" to you because of the pain you've experienced and are still experiencing, but that's about the best avenue you have now. Live your life and have contact with people who are supportive and loving or at least kind to you, as opposed to basing everything on the whims of someone so unspeakable.

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