Angel's Story

Leanne - posted on 03/29/2009

thank for replying...it dose help when you here other storys.

i think im finding it hard cus after Angel was layd to rest i pushed it to the back of my mind in a sence cus i had Neve then it wasnt till the May it hit home with me tht she ws not here with me and i went from there,the anger was the first step i think,i hated my boyfriend at that point and my self as i should of knowen somethink was wrong,then the guilt came along and that teared me up most days i would go for walks to a park sit on swing and cry. People asked me all the time "are you ok?" "do u want anythink" "we will have Neve if you want time alone" and that was the last thing i needed was them taken away the one reason i was getting up in the morning the one reason that kept me plodding along. Due to all this me and Angels dad split up but are the best of friends and we went to see her xmas,birthday on our own. We have a very special bond in that even tho this sadness tour us apart in also made us stronger . I have good days and bad but i have to go on for her and Neve. Sorry to hear bout Abbie.

I feel better a lil as now i no im not alone and thats the worst feeling ever feeling your alone and no body understands you xxx

Dayna - posted on 03/28/2009

Leanne I know.  When I had Bayliegh and Nathan I took the process for granted.  Never really thought that much about it you get pregnant 8 to 9 months later labor, delivery and a couple days later you take baby home.  Everyone grows up happy?  Right?  Well Abbie changed it.  I got pregnant with her in March of 05 and the pregnancy went perfect, the labor went perfect, the delivery went perfect and a couple days later we went home.  then the problems.  How could we know she was sick the doctor never listened to her heart.  The doctor said no point in it everything is fine with her she is perfect.  Turns out she had been born with a heart defect that if he had looked for it he would have known. we didn't find this out until after we got her autopsy results back.  Now to help to Answer your questions.  The day before my little Abbie was born my cousin/best friend gave birth to her twins they had their own health problems one even died and was rescusitated in an ambulance due to RSV.  Everytime I look at these little innocent bystanders I see my little girl running and playing with them or at least I can imagine it.  Sometimes I look at them and hate them because she had 2 and why couldn't one die and Abbie stay.  Then other days I look at them and want to cry because I know my little girl is supposed to be doing that right now.  So to help with your question "what if" it is normal.  Don't beat yourself up it is going to happen and just go with the flow you never know when seeing a child the same age Angel should be right now will brighten up your day and make you laugh. "Why Me?" there is no answer to this.  Maybe a higher power seen how strong you are and knew you were destined to help people get through a horrible loss.  Considering you were able to post her story I believe this is the answer to that question.  It took me 2 and half years to reach the point you are at right now. and now My favorite question of yours.  What if?  I can't make any promises but it probably won't happen again.  Since I lost Abbie I have had 2 more little girls almost exactly a year apart.  I made sure that before they were born that I had all of my children transferred to another Doctor because I never wanted to see that one again.  I changed OB's, hospitals, I even moved.  Anything that would help me cope with the pregnancy with Beth.  I also had Fetal Echocardiograms done to find out if they had the same problem as Abbie. What I done to prevent the "What If's" is I decided to take action and make sure it didn't happen again.  I finally reached a point that when people ask me how many children I have that I didn't want them to feel sorry for my so I would just say there are 4 with me and leave it at that.  Leanne it does get easier with time count all your blessings.  Neve, boyfriend, And especially that you had the chance not everyone gets.  You had a real life Angel growing in you. And that makes you a good mom because you knew you had something special! And your willing to share her with the world.......Goodnight  little Angel and Little Abbie.  And good night Leanne