Anniversary and Birth

Autumn - posted on 02/19/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

51

4

6

Hello,

I'm coming up on the 4th anniversary since my daughter passed away, then less than a week after that I am scheduled to give birth to our new baby. I'm feeling very scared, well terrified is probably more like it. I'm scared something is going to happen to Sophia, but I have been holding things together pretty well. My first daughter was taken from me by violence, at the hands of her baby sitter, and I am having very mixed emotions. I am thrilled about our new baby, but I'm scared she's going to die. A lady at work told me "take my pill and calm down". I told her that I have not been on any "pills" now for over two years, and that I personally think that a small amount of irrational fear of your baby dying is pretty normal, especially considering my previous experience, and that thus far, this anniversary, despite my numerous triggers, I have been keeping things together quite well. But the truth is, I don't really know if I am holding things together very well at all. My husband has been understanding of me, and I am trying hard to extract small mercies from our life together, including trying to take comfort in our new baby together. I don't know where I'm going with all of this, but I think I just needed to put it all down. Most people can't really understand what this is like. "god won't let you lose another child" puleeese. So I guess I am feeling frustrated, and scared, and a little misunderstood, and tired of hearing the question "is this your first?" and not really knowing how to answer the question. Maybe, with our scheduled c section date a week and a half away, I am just altogether tired.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

8 Comments

View replies by

Paula - posted on 08/25/2010

343

42

47

HI, I am just readin this now, so you have had the baby by now....and I hope things went well. I am in your shoes right now, as am 28 weeks pregnant and the birthday of my deceased daughter is only a few weeks before my scheduled c-section....and also the funeral time is when the docter wants to put the c-section, which I told her I would not do it....basically told her move it ahead to 38 weeks so its before the death and funeral dates. I am scared for the birth like you were....wondering how this will all go. as for the comment about and taking your pill.....wow how rude can people be. no ones knows until their in these shoes....again....am hoping you are doing well.

Jessica - posted on 08/24/2010

24

18

5

I'm sorry for your loss. The only thing that I have been able to cling to is the fact that God has a purpose for everything. I can understand if that doesnt help you, but you might consider praying and asking God to give you the peace of mind that you need to fully enjoy your new little angel, without to many fears of what the unknown future holds for your family.

[deleted account]

I'm sorry for your loss. I have just had my last child, Ethan, and had a constant fear through my whole pregnancy. Now that he is 3 months old I still have that constant fear, but I try every day to let it go a little more. My son, Eli, died from SIDS over 3 years ago, he was 3 months old. To make things worse, my placenta was clotting and Ethan would probably not have made it if I hadn't pushed to be induced. He was under so much stress during labor, I decided on an emergency c-section as soon as my doc mentioned the possibility of him being still born. I enjoy my children every day and don't let my fear control my life. Good luck and congrats

Harriet - posted on 02/21/2010

1

16

0

Really sorry about what you have gone through. I lost my boy Victor, 2 days after delivery.( Foetal distress) I got pregant after a while and experienced such fear that I could not understand. I didnt trust doctors, hospitals etc, I saw of 9 doctors and I couldnt declare that any one of them was my doctors, in other words, I had no doctor. One day, we gathered as a fellowship of women and God spoke through one of the ladies, she spoke about the fear that I had and that God was delivering me from fear. They prayed for me. I was left with a few days to delivery, Fear left me instantly. I was taken to thearter but I wasnt scared at all. I strongly believe it was the power of prayer. My girl Queensly is now 2 years and 8 months. My encouragement to you is do not despair but pray for God to give you peace and Joy. Your new baby should be a source of Joy and not fear. The devil uses fear to reduce our trust in the almighty God. I wish you all the best

Autumn - posted on 02/21/2010

51

4

6

Toni I love what your friend said, I am going to try to remember that.
Staci, that's the same thing that happened to my child, but mine died about 16 hours after the incident.

thanks ladies, for understanding; I am still trying to keep the faith. I am maybe a little nutty, but I think it's going to be ok. I hope it's going to be ok. I have a good support system I think.

I guess I will know when she's here how I am going to deal with all of this fear.

Staci - posted on 02/20/2010

3

20

0

Oh Autumn my heart breaks for you. My daughter was shaken by my ex-husband when she was 12 days old and she recieved 98% brain damage. She did not die right away but nine years later do to her injury. After that I had my son when she was 5. I was so scared almost terrified. I didn't want to leave my son alone with anyone. I still remember the terror. All I can say is ask for peace from God each and everyday. You can let your fear run you and be crazy if you keep it inside. Voice it and work through it and don't let it win.

Toni - posted on 02/20/2010

177

1

9

im sorry for what youve had to go through- and cannot believe that lady at your work said that to you- how rude and ignorant. your right- no one knows exactly what this feels like- alot will try to comfort you- and some might not say the right words- but they are tryign to show they care, remember that, even if what they say isnt wat u wanna hear. I lost my son Owen, my first, 1 month ago..and I know- i will be petrified when it comes to being pregnant and having my next child- I think in this situation its normal- the fear of going through it all again.. just keep your chin up- and keep going on..day by day. my friend put it to me the best way ive ever heard- " being strong doesnt mean that you dont break down, but that you dont stay in pieces." and she said she was sending me tape and glue to help with that process. I just thought it was a good way to put it, fear is normal, but you can control if you let it get out of control or if you contain it and talk yourself out of the cycle. all the best..i hope it all goes smoothly with the birth and recovery. may you find joy in your new baby. take care.

Tara - posted on 02/19/2010

28

0

3

I am very sorry for your lost can understand that you said was because of violence but can not understand how if happen because it sounded like was a child that hurt your last child anyways you do not have to tell me what happen was just not sure what you meant yes it is normal to be scared I lost my sweet Karter on april. 29, 2009 he was born on april, 29, 2009 and was alive for 19 hours and 40 min then passed on in my arms and when I think of just being pregnant again it scares me because I am scared of losing another child what I can say is pray for your child to say safe and hope for the best and when your child is born and do the best you can to keep your baby safe and only live your baby alone with people you trust 110% and just think that this will not happen and stay calm as best as you can to keep baby healthy. Hugs hope I help

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms