Anniversary of my childs death

Cindy - posted on 01/03/2010 ( 42 moms have responded )

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Hi everyone, this is a very sad time for me & my husband, we lost our little boy Tyler on 4th jan 2006, It's his anniversary tomorrow, i don't know if its because my little girl just turned one in nov, but am finding this year extremely hard, been crying all day , you would think it gets easier & everyone i've spoke to thats had a loss say's it does but i dont think it ever will. I would just like to say we love you so much & allways will, our beautiful baby boy Tyler xxxx Your sister also sends her love to her big brother xxxx Happy 4th Birthday darling xxxxxxxx

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Pamela - posted on 06/22/2013

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Rowena...I am so terribly sorry about the death of your Angel...so young. I fully understand what you are going through. The first anniversary of my son Kyle's death fell on...very unfortunately...Mother's Day of this year. He was a 24 yr old college student, a beautiful boy and my only child.

You are not alone in what you are feeling. There are, tragically, so many of us experiencing the same emotions. There are good days, then there are days you just don't want to face. The 'missing' of them can be so intense, and...for me...even over a year later, I just still want him to come home. I want it to be a big mistake, but I know it isn't.

Be thankful for the fact you have other children to brighten your days, and share in their lives and watch them grow up; THIS is a huge blessing. Also, you will see Angel again someday in Heaven...she is waiting for you and watching over you all.

Tammy - posted on 01/17/2010

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Anniversaries of our children's deaths are always hard. My son, Colin, has been gone a little over 13 years now, and all I can say is that some years it is less difficult than other years. I know I cried every year during that month, for at least the first 5 years. After that, I'd have a pretty good year, then a bad year. I think the important thing is , that you don't feel pressured by anyone else to grieve on their timetable. Go ahead and give yourself permission to just have a good cry and do it. I've found that once the dates have passed (date of accident, date of death, date of funeral) then I am okay again for another year. Time doesn't necessarily heal all wounds, but as you move forward in life, it does lessen the pain. My faith in the God of all comfort has helped me through an ordeal that otherwise would have crushed me. Hang in there!

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Rowena - posted on 06/17/2013

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We lost my Angel last year June 22 and now her first death anniversary is approaching. It's hard for me to recover, the memories of my Angel is always there, she's very loving Physically healthy I don't expect to happened. She turn into 14 years old last May 08,2013. Second year high school student , energetic girl. In just six days she was lost... Now I find myself to be busy but every time I'm alone I always crying... cry. I want to hug her and whisper that I missed him so much... so much .I'm the stage mother to my children. Angel is my second child. Sometimes I blame my self, asking God WHY? it's all your fault! I know she is with Him.......

Eva - posted on 01/23/2010

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Cindy, I lost a 9 day old son then 2 years later lost a 2 1/2 mos old daughter, that was 20 and 22 yrs ago and I still cry on their birthdays and the anniversary of their deaths. It does get easier over time but, when dealing with the loss of your child 4 yrs isn't a very long time. Back then when it was only 4 yrs for me I din't just cry on their birthdays, I sobbed! What you are feeling is so normal, your heart is broken and it is going to take a long time to heal. My other 2 children who are adults in their 20's still remember their brother and sisters birthday too .Tyler may be gone but, he is not forgotten, he is still your son nothing can change that.

Denelda - posted on 01/23/2010

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My oldest son passed away on January 29,2003. He was 23 years old. It doesn't matter how long they have been gone, you still miss them terribly. I wonder what he would have become if he hadn't gotten sick with cancer. He was a very friendly and happy young man who would do anything for family and friends. We all miss him very much and we will see him again in the afterlife.

Mary - posted on 01/22/2010

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My sympathy goes out to you..You can look at it like this he is in a better place..You will get to see him again one day...

Mandi - posted on 01/20/2010

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i have a four year old son kaiden,i try to stay so busy focusing on him, but on kambreayas birthday it is all about her, it is like i cant breathe until aug.2nd passes. and when it is still and quite in the house my mind always wonders to her and i cry .

Kirstie - posted on 01/20/2010

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So sorry to hear of everyone's loss, My son Mason would have been 15 on jan 6th 2010,he passed when he was 4 months old and i still find the day extremely difficult, my two elder children also find it difficult and they are hitting 18 and 20, I agree people tell you it gets easier but i dont think it ever will, there's not a day that goes by that i dont think of him... and i still cry for no reason aswell..

[deleted account]

The first anniversary is so very hard. There is so much anxiety, sadness and fear. When the day arrives, all our memories come back to us. It's okay to cry. It's okay to scream. Do what you feel is right for you. Everyone grieves in their own way. It has now been 5 years since my Olivia died. This year was extremely sad for me. The holidays were even worse. Cindy, just close your eyes and embrace all the memories of Tyler. Our lives change, our heart is forever broken but we do go on. I send you (((((((((HUGS))))))))). Happy Birthday Tyler.

Peace and Blessings.
Corinne

Kimberly - posted on 01/18/2010

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I feel the same way. My lil angel would just be getting ready to turn three on Feb 9th. And last year everyone forgot except me. My feeling were really hurt. I never want her to be forgotten.

Noeletta - posted on 01/18/2010

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Hi Cindy
as you are still in your early stages of grief it hard to see a future and it is hard to see that life does get easier. But believe me it does. Our hearts still pain and our minds always think of our dear little angels. It's been 9 years for me now and I have been on the roller coaster of grief. I call it a roller coaster cause it goes up and down with our lives. We will never be the same and it's the truth. If you need to cry then cry cause crying is letting out the pain. i find his memorial day, birthday, xmaz and new year are extremly hard to deal with! I even cryed at my daughters 13 birthday party as I felt he should have been with us to celebrate. We let birthdays off on his birthdays. The age of him this years will be 13 and we will let of 13 balloons with messages attached to them. It maybe something other mums would like to do too?? xxxx

Jackie - posted on 01/17/2010

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My daughter passed away just over 4 years ago. The anniversaries are always hard and i think they always will be. We have all of them within a month(death, xmas and birthday). It often feels like we are the only ones who remember, but thats ok because we loved her more and as long as we remember her she will be here with us. We are now able to catch glimses of what she would have been like through our other daughter who looks and acts so much like her, it's a blessing and a heart ache all at once.

Skylar's - posted on 01/10/2010

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http://www.skylarslove.com

Hi it's Holly from Skylar's Love,

I'm offering to mail anyone who's interested a Free Skylar's Love magnet. It's great to place a magnet on your fridge, so if you ever need to talk or e-mail for support, I'm always here. Or if you know someone who has gone through a loss, and you would like to be supportive, the magnet is a great tool, so when a parent is ready or needs comfort, they can e-mail me or call me. So if you do.... just e-mail me your address, and I'll send you out one. If you need any extras, just let me know.

Love,

Holly

Marian - posted on 01/09/2010

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I am so sorry for all your losses. I lost my son Lyle when I was 5 months pregnant on July 6th, 2008. Not a day goes by that I don't think of that night and have to draw my breath. In my days of clarity and peace, I see a young man volunteering for the place that Lyle provided, knowing that his stay with us would be temporary but full of love. He stepped forward and into our lives, each of us doing our part as best we could. The anniversary is so hard as is the birthday that would have been his. Feel the pain yet remember the love.

Cindy - posted on 01/09/2010

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Thankyou all for all your kind words, you dont know how much it means to me. Clarissa i am so sorry for your loss, i myself went through a very tough time trying to have child went through I.V.F for 6yrs, my out come was a miscarriage,ectopic,then a neonatal death. But i wouldn't give up, ended up with my beautiful daughter Ava whose nearly 14 months, so please keep the faith, & thankyou for your support xx

[deleted account]

I don't think it gets eaiser. My son died just before his 5th birthday. It was 2 years ago. The anniversaries have not gotten any eaiser for me. The pain lesses and the realiaty of it sets in more but it is just as hard to deal with as it was 2 years ago. I say go ahead and cry he is still your son and always will be. I wish I could make it eaiser on you but I still find it hard. I will say a prayer that God lessons your pain.

Clarissa - posted on 01/08/2010

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So sorry ot hear about your little boy and his passing. I know how you feel. My little girl passed away at the age of 2 on January 6, 1997. I was young and a single parent trying to cope with everything with the help of my mother. I knew from early on that her life would be short, so I treasure every moment that I had with her. It has now been 13 years. The first five years were the most difficult and on the extra milestone birthdays I seem to sit and think of what we would have been doing to celebrate that particular birthday. I look at other girls who would have been her age and try to glimpse and imagine what she would be doing. I visit her grave often and write letters to her. There are times that I don't know how I get by, especially since I haven't been able to carry another child to full term. I have had 5 confirmed miscarriages and it makes it more difficult. On my daughters birthdays, I celebrate them by taking cupcakes to her grave. I decorate her grave for Christmas and other holidays. I usually spend the anniversary of her passing by watching a movie that she loved, taking a warm bubble bath with what I call my special bath salts that were used as a balloon weight at her funeral and I release so many tears, but I am able to do so without being bothered. On the anniversary of the day that she was gently placed in the ground, I release pink and white balloons and send them to heaven believe that she is getting them. It will get easier and remember all of the joyous time that you had with your precious Tyler. Hugs are sent your way to help comfort you.

Annette - posted on 01/08/2010

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I am soooo sorry for your loss!!! And it still is and I am so sorry to say it always will be a loss I lost my son dec.13 2008 He was 20 so I had the joy of being with him for many more years and the pride and pleasure to see my baby as a fine young man. We, us parents continue our slow walk through the valley of the shadow of death.. we have not only the sorow of the loss but also of unfulfilled dreams and hopes for a great future for our children so I do agree that it will not ever get easier....I am sorry for your loss I truly am and aldo we have never met know that you have a piece of my heart.You are not walking alone!

Cindy - posted on 01/08/2010

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Hi susan, i am so sorry for your loss, i know the pain your going through & coming up for the 1st anniversary is so hard. It helps to have such a loving family, they will help you through it. My family were great, even though they were terrified of saying the wrong thing. My thoughts are with you xx

Ruth - posted on 01/08/2010

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We lost our son 11 December 07, holidays are always the hardest times, because everywhere I look people are playing with their childrena and are happy and having a great time. We have a daughter, born 3 months after we lost her brother, and while she makes us feel good, sometimes all I want to do is lay in bed a cry. So I do, and I let myself have the crap days coz the good days come too. Many prayers and much love to your family, yourself and your angel-baby.

Audain - posted on 01/07/2010

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Everyone lied, it does not get any easier I think that over time we learn to live with it. Holidays like Christmas and birthdays are always the hardest to deal with.

Christine - posted on 01/07/2010

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My son Jeremy would have been 26 this coming May if he had not died from SIDS at the age of 5 1/2 months. Not a day ever goes by that I don't think of that sweet child. He had brilliant blue eyes like your son Tyler. Thinking life could never be so cruel to me again, I was shocked and forever changed when my daughter Candace died by choking on grapes at a babysitter's home. She was 2 1/2. She would have been 20 years old last October. I am writing just to give you and your husband support in enduring, and to take comfort in knowing that by your daily example you give courage to others to embrace their memories while moving forward with life.

Charlene - posted on 01/07/2010

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hi i am charlene i lost a child in 99 he was born june 1 st 1998 so i know how you feel i wrote a book for my son i write to him and so does my other two kids. it does help if you need to talk

Janice - posted on 01/07/2010

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my baby-girl also came into the world sleeping June 7, 1997. to relate with you Reinett, i used to feel like no one cared at all either. i would vaguely share and the unresponsive reactions I received scared me from sharing again. my husband is the only one that knows my deepest hurts. it was not his child, but he relates to almost losing one of his twin boys many years ago; actually about the same time i was going through the death of mine. we didn't know each other, but his experience has brought me through mine. although i have a daughter here on earth, i am ONLY comforted by the fact that my baby is in Heaven with our Father. in her perfect and beautiful form.

KRISTA - posted on 01/07/2010

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Anniversary of my daughter was dec 27 she passes away dec 27 01 and ill tell you from my experiance i have never found it any eiaser i think its just as hard no matter what but good luck and happy bdayto him

Audra - posted on 01/07/2010

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I understand what you are going thru...My daughter passed away feb 10,1994 at three months old. She was a twin and died of myocarditis. I get extremely sad around this time but as the years go by I get stronger and stronger. Crying is okay. Keep his memory alive.

Susan - posted on 01/06/2010

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My daughter, Nevaeh, was born sleeping on Feb. 24th 2009, which is my dads birthday, my birthday is Feb 26th. I no longer look forward to my birthday. I have my days where i will be okay and days where i wanna lay in bed and cry. I feel crying helps me get through hard times. Im not exactly sure how im gonna get through the first anniversary....Im in a way nervous. Im not sure exactly how i will handle it. I do know that if it wasnt for my Husband and family helping me through it all, I would be going crazy...

Vilka - posted on 01/06/2010

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my daughter's 3 year aniversary will me march 3rd. her 3rd birthday would have been feb 8th..i stil cry everytime her birthday, a holiday, or an anniversary comes along...now im expecting a baby boy due march 26th a week before Juliana was due.

Julia - posted on 01/06/2010

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Friday January 8th, will be the anniversary of my sons death. It will be 2 years.

Becky - posted on 01/06/2010

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I am so sorry to hear that! I lost my son Oct 6th, 2005 and it doesn't get easier... I have moved on like I am "supposed" to but I still ache every day for him. Hang in there... don't feel bad for not feeling better about it! How can you feel better!

Vickie - posted on 01/05/2010

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What a beautiful little boy. I am so sorry for your lose. I lost my daughter on December 3rd, 2006. She was six years old, and my entire world. My grief counselor (who also lost a child) told me it was okay to always feel a bit of pain in your heart because it was a tribute to your child. I accepted that. It will always hurt, and it's okay. It does get easier with time, but everyone's time line is different. If you want to cry, then cry. It's okay. But it's okay to feel joy and laugh too. I remember my precious little girl and laugh too. Yes, I still cry, and I know I always will. The important thing to remember is how you feel is how you feel. Nobody can tell you how to feel. That is your right alone.

God Bless you and your family.

Vickie

Bets - posted on 01/05/2010

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I can relate to how you feel as well. Although I didn't lose my child, I did lose my grandchild on September 2, 2009, exactly 1 week before he was to start kindergarten. He was 5 years old. He fell out of a third story window.

His birthday was November 7, and that was really tough. He would have been 6. The holidays have been hell. I suspect it will be for a while, and now my daughter is pregnant again. I wonder sometimes if she allowed herself to get pregnant to get over losing her son so suddenly. I don't know for sure, and will never ask her that, but it hurt when she told me she was pregnant. (3 days ago). I felt like she was forgetting him. I know, totally unreasonable, but I am trying to be as truthful as possible.

Kathryn - posted on 01/05/2010

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I am very sorry for your loss. I know what you mean about people telling you "it gets easier"...it doesn't really. I think what really happens is that the most painful moments get further apart. We never forget, we never stop hurting. Sometimes something so simple can trigger the tears. We mourn for our loss every day. My son would be 12 years old now. I still cry on his birthday. I still cry at random because something reminds me of him or I can actually feel my arms being empty. It's never gotten "easier" but the moments of sheer terror at not having him and the utter sadness that comes with it have gotten further apart. My daughter's birthday is the day after his - she just turned 4. That has been a healing power for me because I realize that there are still lives on this earth that need me and that I can be there for. I have learned to cherish the short time I had with him and look forward to meeting him again one day. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that your days become easier to bear, even if the pain does not.

Shari - posted on 01/04/2010

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anniversaries will always be difficult. My son was born silently on May 10th 1999. Last year it ended up being mother's day as well. Double whammy for me :) But I made it through. Allow yourself some quiet alone time, so you can cry. Finally after 10 years, I have been able to work on my son's birthday, previously I took it off because I couldn't stop the tears.Gods' peace, Shari

Reinett - posted on 01/03/2010

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My baby would have been three on the second of January 2010,everyone except me forgot................it felt like a slap in the face.as if nobody cares.

Cari - posted on 01/03/2010

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It is in our weakness that He is strong. Rely on God and He will show you how to explain the tears. After all He has cried those tears.

Cindy - posted on 01/03/2010

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So sorry about your wee girl, cryin is good but feel i need to be strong especially for Ava as she doesnt understand why her mummy is cryin. So hard..

Cari - posted on 01/03/2010

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My daughter Carissa passed away at 5 years old on Jan 13, 2007. Her birthday is Feb 25, 2001. Anniversaries are extremely difficult. So are holidays. I have been spending a lot of time crying as well. Crying is ok. Crying will always be ok.

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