Anniversary of my sons death

Vicki - posted on 07/30/2009 ( 23 moms have responded )

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Hello, today is my first time writing and I just wanted to let it out. Today is the 5th anniversary of my 20 year old sons death. Everyone tells me that it gets easier with time but I am finding it really hard this year. I'm so sad and I don't want to burden my family as they are all upset in their own way. Vicki :-(

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Vicki - posted on 08/01/2009

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Thank you Kelsey, Carla & Teresa for your comments, my sympathy si with youa ll as well. No-one can understand what it's like to lose a child unless they have been through it. Some days life goes on as normal and other times it hits you like a brick wall. My husband (who isn't Johns father) and my three other kids are wonderful and life does go on but it's all the things that he is missing that makes me so sad.

Juli - posted on 03/18/2013

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My daughter died 5 years ago coming up to 6th anniversary, she was 16, I am quite upset and cry when my husband is not watching. Her anniversary is about 3 weeks away but it was her birthday 6 days ago. My boss says he has lost "family members" and so he understands, but he does not have any kids. Someone else says some anniversaries are good and some are bad, so he also had no idea. Very hard when no one understands.

Carol - posted on 11/19/2012

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My sons' 5th year anniversary is also this month, my heart is so broken too. I am so sorry for all of you who have lost children, we will not ever be the same, there is nothing to compare to this loss. Heartbreak does not go away with time.

Dorothy - posted on 12/21/2012

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It's been only 1 year for me and I still to this day look for my son in a crowd, waiting for him to walk in the room or waiting for his call. I know its sounds pathetic , I know he's gone ,but the pain is so unbearable.

Teresa - posted on 07/30/2009

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I am so sorry for your loss, and through my own tears of loss I am writing to you....
I am on my third anniv. and it hit me the hardest this year so I cant say it gets easier but the one thing that always helps me is knowing my Kara would not want me to be sad but to go on living life for her and to try to be the happiest I can without her. She would want me to laugh, live, love as much as I am able. They are our beautiful angels now and we will see them again, have faith in this..... Teresa

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Sharon - posted on 04/11/2014

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Our daughter was killed by a drunk driver 11 months ago today - in one months time it will be Mothers Day and I year since she was taken. She was 37 years old. We are heartbroken and angry and sad. As well as trying to cope with our loss and continue to exist somehow we have to contend with her killer trying to weasel out of the "alcohol " component of the charge.
My husband is a broken man, I have lost my best friend, our son has lost his his biggest fan and loving sister. 1000 people took part in a memorial bike ride for our girl - her legacy is enormous. Friends talk to her on her facebook page every day. She did more in her 37 years than most do in a lifetime.
We have her diaries of her travels, thousands of photos from all over the world and pride in our hearts for our gorgeous girl. Her friends are amazing and are so good to us.
I cry every day but I find I can laugh sometimes too. I talk to her and feel so close to her all the time - she is with me every minute and that is how I want it to be.
I try to keep doing the things we did together - running and cross fit. She would not want me to give in to the despair - that is not her way.
Only people who have lost a child understand how we feel. I feel so sad for you all - this is not how it should be
I do know she is safe and happy and I know I will see her again - that is how I manage to survive... Sharon

Cherie - posted on 02/14/2014

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This is my son's tenth anniversary. I miss him as much today as the day he died. There are no words that can erase the pain that a mother feels for the loss of a child. He would have been 27 this June. The pain I feel is like an old coat that I wear. It is always with me. I always have it on! I know that one day I will see him again though.

Terri Hummel - posted on 02/09/2014

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Well this is a hard time on the 17th of February Will be the first anniversary of the loss of my son Gregory Hummel. it's been very difficult year for me it changed my life. Never had anxiety before but I am over welded with it now. I just celebrate his 30th birthday on January 24th that was very difficult since we use to celebrate our birthday together because my birthday is 5 days before his.

Melody - posted on 04/04/2013

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I'm also posting on this list for the first time. I see it's been four years since your original posted. I see the replies to your post continue into 2013. Today, April 4, 2013 is my son's 5th anniversary of his car accident, he was age 18, he was in the passenger seat. The driver lived, ended up with Traumatic brain injury (TBI). He moved out-of-state about 2 years after the accident. I'm glad he is not around town any more, it was too painful seeing him living his life. My heart is also broken. Our lives has changed, there are no time limits on grief and heartbreak does not go away with time.
Time does not heal wounds of loss. There are no magic potions, doctors, drugs or specific steps. None of us ever imagined having to say good-bye so soon, so suddenly, so tragically. You never get over what could have been. You never get over losing a part of your heart and soul. The pain has lessen over the years but I don't think any of us are feeling particularly celebratory on there anniversary date. A day filled with dread and loaded with dismal realizations. I think my son would want us to remember the good times we all had together. We still and always will, miss him. I don't know what I would do with out family and friends to talk talk about and remember him. His friends set up a Facebook RIP group and it is a place for us to share photos, memories and stay in touch. We all grieve in our way.

Vicki - posted on 12/21/2012

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Dorothy, I know exactly what you mean, it has now been 8 years since my John died and I am still struggling every day, people think you have moved on and are just normal again but you will never be NORMAL again, we have lost a child and absolutely nothing can be worse. With Christmas coming it makes the pain all the more unbearable. I was shopping the other day and automatically bought 7 santa stockings because I always buy them for our kids but now we only need 6, you'd think after 8 years I would have remembered but I really lost it when i realised. I still see him walking down the street and I have to turn to check if it is him. Be good to yourself, if you need to cry, cry and let the grief wash over, there are times when it is really important to let go. Merry Christmas everyone, I hope the day isn't too hard for us all.

JanaLee - posted on 08/05/2009

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I am so sorry. It is just something that I think no one understands until they go through it. I think that anyone who says it gets easier with time has never lost a son. I find it comes in waves sometimes is does feel like it gets easier. Then some thing just hits me and it feels so fresh. Its not some thing I can get "over" it is just life is now different.

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I have gone through 11 anniversaries now, and it never gets easier for me. My daughter, Kimberly died in an accident with her best friend when she was 16. It was just inexperience that caused it, no drinking, etc...both girls died. I will tell you the truth, it doesn't get easier, you just learn to live different. You never get over what could have been. You never get over losing a part of your heart and soul. You just learn to take a different path. You have to grieve, and somedays everyone around you just has to understand that. Don't hide it from them, share it with them as you say they are upset too. Just because our children leave this earth way to soon, doesn't mean that our love for them goes also. Kimmy's b'day and her re-birth day are the hardest days for me. Although, there are also days when I have to drag myself out of bed when all I want to do is cover my head and hide from the world. The world keeps going with or without me, I just have to make up my mind that I have to go on with it. You learn to hide your pain better as time goes on, because everyone "expects" you to be "better"~ but, they can never know the pain in your heart if they have not walked in your shoes.

I will pray for God to put his hand on your broken heart today and help you on your journey.

Jackie - posted on 08/05/2009

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huge hugs your not burdening anyone, i am 8 years down the line and I still get sooo upset on ryans birthday and xmas.



it does get easier but you never forget

Vicki - posted on 08/04/2009

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Thanks everyone, it's lovely to talk to poeple who have lost children, we have a differnt perspective on life. I changed the way I do a lot of things after John died and it made me realise what is really important in life. No-one and I mean no-one can understand what it's like to lose a child unless they have done so, you really can't even imagine the hurt, pain, guilt, despair and depression that happens in the time after and goes on for ever.

Amber - posted on 08/04/2009

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HI viki my name is Amber and In october will be 2 yrs since i lost my lil girl casey in a car accident with her grandma on her dad side they both were killed, the only way i get thru now is cause of my 14 month old son... tho there are moments im okay but it seems to be getting worse on me.. this yr my daughter would have been starting school... i find it easy to blame someone like her father, but in the end i have to remember things happen for a reason and god has a better plan and she's in a better place and wouldnt want me to be sad..tho most of the time i am.. I hope the best for you and the rest of you ladies on here...

Kathy - posted on 08/03/2009

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vicki-- it does get easier but it still hurts. I think we just get use to the pain. july 29 was my sons birthday he would have been 33 yrs old, I lost him 31yrs go. I still have pain, but I can still move on. I have 3 other kids and 6 grandkids. Hold on I send you my friendship and love... Kat in SD

Krisana - posted on 08/03/2009

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it has been 7 yrs since my baby died, and I can tell you that some days are okay, but other days aren't. Time helps somewhat, but not all the time. At my son's visitation, a former teacher told me about her baby that died at a couple of weeks old. It has been over 40 yrs, and she said that there were days it was just like it just happened.

I can't imagine losing a child that you knew and raised - my son was only 20 days old when he died.

take a deep breath, and be kind to yourself.

Zen hugs, and a shoulder to lean on....
Krisana

Diane - posted on 08/03/2009

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hi vicki.i really do know how you feel.my 15 year old son died 5 years ago in may.i have also found this year very hard to deal with.and i also dont like to burden my family .i think well what can anybody do or say that they havnt said before.i really do feel for you vicki .feel free to post any message that helps you to get what you need off your chest.xxxxxx

Ali - posted on 08/02/2009

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Big hugs to you Vicki from Oregon! It's been almost 8 years since my 20 year old son was killed in a car accident and I can say I MISS him so much!! Life is full of bittersweet moments...happiness and sadness all in one, if that makes any sense. I've been told - "If we didn't love them so much, it wouldn't hurt us so much" so I take that as a testimony of our love. I'm going to the Compassionate Friends Annual Conference in Portland this weekend...my first one and I hope to gain some insight from that. The moms I've met in support group have really helped me alot. I hope you have that available to you too.

ALI

Linda - posted on 08/01/2009

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My 18 year old son died in a car crash 13 yrs ago. I must admit it isn't as hard to deal with now, but there are times still that it gets overwhelming. Just take care of yourself and know he was loved. You need to talk about him and your feelings - it will make it easier on you and your family -

Carla - posted on 07/30/2009

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Vicki, I am so sorry. Really that's all I can say. Its only been a few months since we lost our son. My husband was talking with a client today who lost a child 30+ years ago. She said through tears "it never gets easier". But she did also say, you find ways to handle things better as years go on. I hope that she is correct. Peace be with you and your family today.

Kelsey - posted on 07/30/2009

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I want to send you a huge cyber hug, yes, things do move on with time they dont get easier you just learn to live how your life is now.

xxxx

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