Answer to "How many children do you have?"

Sarah - posted on 03/10/2010

I always find that question hard i find it uncomfortable to talk about it with some people mostly strangers probably because i dont want to get into all the details as it is still very painful for me but in the end i always say i have 3 Isabelle who is 6, Harry who would have been 3 on christmas eve and Ben who will be 2 next week. I could never leave Harry out he is my first little man and if i told people i only had 2 children it would be like saying Harry was never here and i could never do that so as painful and uncomfortable it may be i always say i have 3.

Donna - posted on 03/09/2010

Not to be distasteful or disrespectful. However I lost my son going on 20+ years now. I had 8 children. My son was my fith born.He died of SIDs at 2 1/2 months old. 100% nurser and had just had a healthy check up. 14.lbs. He was perfectly healthy. If people are going to ask how many you have, you tell them two.That is how many you were blessed with. God is taking care for the one he took home for a while. If that is what your faith is. At the time I had a 1 yr old, 2yr old, 3yr old and an 8yrold. I remember a friend who I know she meant well stated " Well, maybe you were only menat to have 4". I corrected her and stated "no", God blessed me with 5. I will see my son some day. He is burried on top of his great grandfather whom he never met irronically they both had the same name and died on the same day. His ann death is march 20th. I believe because I didn't curse God nor did I hate him I was blessed years later with three more children.(second husband) The first husband was totally broken and we believe a sctizohenia crept out. He refuses help. We still love him. However I've remairried. Then smaller schildren when they were infants wore heart monitors. secondary to both my parents being alcoholics I never took their stories of finding me in my crib blacker than the ace of spades. after my son's death I later researched my records and indeed I had anoxia for well over 8 min. They told my parents there was no hope. I had a WBC count of 35,000. The norm is 10,000. I had blood poisoning. However; the first dx was apnea of undertermined cause. perhaps I was to be a sids babys as well. I do have a spot on my brain and suffer severe migraines. Not sure if there is a link or not. However; I believe God allows all things to happen for a reason. I'll keep you in prayer. I do know so what of your pain. I remember one time when I went into a dept store to shope I just wanted to scream at some of the people to tell them the pain I was having. I believe a small still voice gently reminded me that in that store there were also scores of hurting folks just like me with most like worse grief. I wasn't alone. Not sure what is offered in your neigborhood but there are suppor groups to go to. Best to you I'll say a prayer. Donna

Nina - posted on 03/09/2010

I named my son. If I remember right, there is a way to mark their passing day on the profile too.

Patricia - posted on 03/09/2010

I alway say I have 3, 1 daughter 25 2 boys that would of been then state their age I usually get I'm so sorry. I try to remember they are uncomfortable and let it slide but I bet they think twice about asking people. If pressed I tell them death is part of life and my boys are always with me in my heart ansd memories

Anna - posted on 03/09/2010

Joanna Grace was our first child, we lost her due to undiagnosed toxcemia. We now have Issachar who is healthy. In the beginning I used to say Issachar was our first, but I felt bad saying that. So now he is our first born son, though now after reading thru these replies, I am going to say, he is our second child our first lives in heaven with God. Thank you for encourgement...I dont need to worry if peopel get uncomfortable, I have to go with my heart.

Stacey - posted on 03/07/2010

I think you do what feels right to you.

At the beginning I would say all my children and then explain what happened to two of them

Now most of the time I just mention the ones who are living and share the other two with people I am closer to.

Nina - posted on 03/07/2010

Sarah:
When I am asked how many children I have I always answer as such: I have 4 children. 3 loving, living little girls, and one darling lost little boy. The next, inevitable question is always answered as such: My oldest would be 6 this year, my oldest daughter 5, my next is turning 3 soon and my youngest is the spitting image of her brother... and she's 4 months old." Usually tis followed by "Wait... you said would be... what happened?" and I have to explain to them very gently (trying not to let it get the best of me) what happened to my son.

Michaela - posted on 03/07/2010

it depends on how I fell. When it is more bad and I'm not in the mood to tell our sorry than I oly tell the people about my living child but this is not often normally I tell people the truth. That I have 3 Children two deep in my heart and one with me.

Deborah - posted on 03/06/2010

I am the same I lost my 6 year old son Cameron 4 years ago now and have 2 daughters also. I hate it when people assume I only have 2 and when someone asks me I always say 3 as I would feel so guilty if I left him out.. He was my first child after all. I usually say 3, then get asked what are they/ how old are they/ where are they. I just say that sadly me son passed away when he was 6 (then usually apologise if i upset them!!!!) and 2 daughters who keep me busy. I think why should I not mention him, I talk about him all the time, the things he said/did etc. I believe he walks with us and sees all we do. In fact he sends us messages, he sets off alarms, knocks the letter box, sets off toys usually when something is happening in our lives. This is him letting us know he knows. I know people feel uncomfortable but if it makes you feel better to include your child then do it.

Mariksa - posted on 03/03/2010

I agree with most moms here. When asked I always say I have 3. My two boys here with me and my princess in heaven. It is true, Santiago and Sebastian are just as important as Sofia. She IS MY daughter no matter what and I am honoring her. If I don't then I feel like I am trying to erase her from my life. I feel like I am betraying her memory. If people feel uncomfortable, then that is too bad. I am being honest and do not let their expressions or questions get to me. I do limit on the details and say I rather not talk about it. But the answer is 3 beautiful children. Be strong and think of you and your feelings and let people worry about theirs. Some should actually learn to not be so nosy anyways. Take care and keep your head up high for your children...ALL of them!

Tanya - posted on 03/02/2010

hi

I say the same. Most people I run into don't get uncomfortable. everyone knows me. If you ask me a question I'll give you the answer. I have 2 children. Brianna would be 4 this year and Jacob is 2. And if they ask I tell them. I have pic.s of her on the mantle and in my room. I keep her scrapbook out just in case any one wants to talk about it. I can't bring myself to say that I only have one child. Unless I am talking to someone who I know is a manic depressive. Then I word it differently. Talking about it helps me. I've found some really great friends who have talked to me for hours on end about her and what happened. When we lost her I couldn't talk about it. I just sort of shut down. but since I've learned that I shouldn't hide it. So I don't.

Patty - posted on 03/01/2010

In all honesty, I get a lump in my throat the second the question is asked. I recall saying a few times.... "I'm not sure how to answer that question because I had a son that died when he was 20." This keeps the tears from coming. It will be 4 years in a couple more days. It is a pain that I wish a mother never had to endure. My sister has a son that is going to prison for a short period. She told me that she knew how I felt. Only those of us who have lost children know the feeling. It cannot compare to anything. When you hear of someone losing a child, you say to yourself, "I don't know what I would do if that ever happened to me" and then you block it from your memory and try to never think of it again. It's the unthinkable. You want to die. You don't know how you go on living. You beg God to take you. You cry uncontrollably. Just the thought of your child brings tears to your eyes.

We lost our son in an alcohol related car accident. The driver was 18 and he also died. Our youngest son was 17 and he was in the back seat and he was severely injured and in a coma for 2 weeks. He missed his brothers funeral and the driver was his best friend. His mother was my boss and we are still friends today.

I miss my son. Not a second goes by that I don't think of him. I know there are mothers out there that have lost children to suicide and murder or they are still missing and presumed dead. I can't imagine their pain because the pain I have is sometimes unbearable. I don't know how long the grieving is going to be. Maybe its a lifetime.

Emily - posted on 02/28/2010

My son would be 21 now, and when asked I have three children. two beautiful daughters who are with me and I got to watch grow up, and my son who left us after only 22 hours. He was the oldest of the grandchildren on my husbands side, and everyone remembers him, most of the family got to see him in those 22 hours'

Tami - posted on 02/28/2010

aghhh i hate answering this question because then it seems like they just ask more questions like what happened n blah blah b;ah that i dont want to talk about i dont even talk about it w my family but i have a tattoo of my daughters name on my wrist so i always end up explaining that shes my first while trying to hold back my tears n talk through the lump in my throat

Cheryl - posted on 02/28/2010

I thought I was the only one out there...wow what a relief! I feel exactly the same way. What do I say. I have three other children, but inside I have four. I will always have four. I gave birth to four, but because one passed away, is she no longer considered my child?! I too explain to people I know better the situation, but to others it is three. And I feel so guilty! I want them to know of her. I don't want them to think I am saying it for pitty, but because she is and will always be my daughter, just in heaven. I should be comfortable with this, but why am I not? I don't mind telling her story. So what is stopping me? I feel as though I am leaving her out. I just need to stand up for what I believe in know there is more people out there like me. Just one question, what happens when you have to name your children, like on this site, do you name our little ones that have passed?

Emilylou - posted on 02/27/2010

OK, I may be a young Mother, but When this Question come about to me, I as well let people Know i have two Children. One Son Who would be almost 2 1/2 and My Daughter who is 14 months. Braxton was a big part of my Life and if someone else feels uncomfortable about it then so be it. As far as my daughter knows her Bubba is watching and protecting her.

MaryAnn - posted on 02/27/2010

I had 2 children (well, my oldest is 24--not exactly a "child" lol). My younger daughter, Sarah, died almost 4 years ago, at 18 yrs. She had severe physical and medical disabilities. When people ask, I tell them I had 2 daughters, I lost one at 18 yrs, and the other one is 24 with her own family. Some people ask about Sarah, and I just give a short answer, unless they want more details.

One of my best friends told me this on the day of Sarah's memorial service; some of the best advice I've gotten. It includes both girls, which IS important. I like your answer, one here and one in heaven. I know some people are uncomfortable with that, but just saying "I lost one" and then moving on to Holly, my older daughter, gives them the option of dropping it or asking questions about Sarah.

Adrienne - posted on 02/26/2010

I ALWAYS say I have 2 children. When asked, I say "My son is 6, and my daughter would be 2, but she's in Heaven." If they don't like it, too bad! Your son is still your son, regardless of whether he is alive or not. Don't ever let anyone make you feel uncomfortable about that.

Serena - posted on 02/25/2010

i have 5 and that is what i tell everyone. 1 got his wings to soon. I do not leave him out of the count. and go from there. most people do not ask any more than that.

Jen - posted on 02/25/2010

I am honest with people about the fact that I have three children, and if they ask further questions I tell them we have a son that went home to be with the Lord. It honors my son, and it has also given me open doors to either share my faith in God or build relationships with women who have shared the same experience. I heard a lot of "everything happens for a reason" after we lost Sam, I now know that God's reason was to help me reach out to women in a similar circumstance and share the message of His gracious and undying love. I will, on this side of eternity, never stop missing my son but if even one lost soul can come to Christ through a door my tragedy opens, then it was worth it.

Donna - posted on 02/25/2010

hi sarah i lost my wee beth at 13 weeks an i have a wee daughter of 2 an a half, people oftn ask how many i have an i always say aimée an wee beth whos in heaven, some people say o wat happened but prefer 2 say i dont wanna talk about it, dont like having 2 go in2 wat happened, shes a big part of my life an i wud feel guilty if i didnt say i hd her...xxx

Jennifer Wagnon - posted on 02/23/2010

Hi Sarah. I lost a son at 33- 34 weeks. I had a concealled placental abruption. I really struggled with this question. Now I tell people that I have 4 living children. to me it is a statement that I clearly have more children but if it is to awkward or uncomfortable for them to ask they dont. For me I am acknowledging Andrew but not forcing people into a conversation that they are not comfortable with. It took me a long time to get there because I wanted to always talk about Andrew, but for me now I dont need to force the conversation, if they want to they will ask. If they dont ask honestly it saves me all the stupid things that people have said to me since our son died. I hope that helps. Even my children will say the same thing they were little when he was born but now they are teenagers and pre-teens so my sons will say something like I have 2 sisters and one living brother and my girls will say I have 1 sister and two living brothers. It is what works for our family. I wish you peace on your journey. You never forget, it never stops hurting but the bad days do come further and further apart and you will find joy and happiness along the way. HUGS Jenn

Misty - posted on 02/23/2010

My son would be almost five months now. I too struggle with this question. I don't know if I should answer 3 or 4. Yesterday this happened to me again. 3.....4, I said. I was lost for words. A coworker replied " 4. you have four children.One got his angle wings". I try to keep personal info out of my work life, but patients alway ask and I have no good answer. I guess, I will say 4. If they follow up with the questions how old, I'll answer honestly. Some people (stranger passing by) have been rude enough to ask "how did it happen?" I simply answer,"we don"t know. He was stillborn @ 37 weeks. Test were inconclusive. " By then I feel that I said too much. But if I answer 3, it leaves me feeling like he never existed. I have no problem sharing my story to people who have a genuin interest. I hope that one day my story will help another mother with her loss. But to those strangers who pry, I imagine pulling out their hair as I walk away.

Kate - posted on 02/23/2010

hey sarah, i also had a stillbirth back in 2004 and like yourself the cord was wrapped around her neck.... i've since then had a son and I openly tell people that I had a daughter who was stillborn. Your son will always be part of your life, and also i found that people say that they also has similar situation.... i dont look for sympathy but i dont hide the fact i had a daughter.... i hope this helps?? x x

Abbie - posted on 02/22/2010

I say 1, I have lost 4 pregnancies but I don't care to explain it to the average "joe" I don't feel bad or guilty about saying only one.

Emer - posted on 02/22/2010

i hate tat question i always stutter iv 3 but my 1st baby died at birth&some people can get uncomfortable but id never just say2 id hate myself 4 leavin my lil angel zara out coz shes always part of r family x

Katie - posted on 02/21/2010

I always talk as though I am the mother of two girls and when asked how old is my other one is I usually reply by saying "my first was premmie and passed away the same day she was born but she would be 3yrs now". I do this purposely to break the silent social taboo because I felt so annoyed that noone ever mentioned loss of babies during pregnancy around me prior to the loss of my own child - then all of a sudden everyone else came out and talked about it only after I did. I have found many mothers (and even fathers) come forward for the first time and are then able to talk about their experience. Some people will be uncomfortable and feel awkward for a moment but we have a lifetime of coping ahead of us, so we need to learn and heal from each other if we are open about the realities of life.

Patty - posted on 02/21/2010

I always tell them I have 5 children, two boys and 3 girls. If they ask their ages I always start out with the age of my daughter and the date of her death, then before they can say anything else I continue with the ages and sex of my other children. It seems to give them a chance to skip the silence and uneasy feeling.

Karen - posted on 02/21/2010

I also found it was healthier for me to tell the truth which is that I have 9 children, 1 has gone home to God in Heaven. Our Johnathan would have been 5 in April. He was born full term with a strong heartbeat but they couldn't get him breathing. Autopsy found Laryngeal Atresia - his larynx hadn't formed properly so airways etc. weren't connected. We encouraged the 6 children we had at the time to talk about him when ever they need or want to. There is no awkwardness within the family. As the children get older (eldest is 21 now) it is less frequent, but he remains a normal part of our lives, just a little more in the silent part these days. We have his photo and birth certificate (the only child we got a fancy one for) framed and on our living room wall. Visitors will usually ask "oh which child is that?" and we get a chance to acknowledge him out aloud again. (kinda cheating, but I love it). I still can't talk about him without crying, but that crying is part of my ongoing healing and even though I know I will cry I would still rather talk about him.

Julie - posted on 02/21/2010

I say 4 children 3 on earth and one ... in heaven people.... seem to react in a easier manner and it isnt as confronting as having to go into details ...it gives people options to ask more if they like ...it just works for me..

Beth - posted on 02/21/2010

i hate this question and all the others that follow. i am somewhat of a private person so for me it opens pandora's box. i don't want to answer it at all but that would be considered rude. i don't want to tell my story to people who have no reason to want or need to hear it, but the only way to not tell my story is to lie and say that i only have one (which i refuse to do).
along with the never ending hurt i will probably always feel, i also associate an unbelievable amount of anger with losing my daughter. i want to scream in the face of every unsuspecting person who asks me this question, then walk away still not having answered it.

Suzanne - posted on 02/21/2010

like so many other responses I tell the truth - and it is then up to people to deal with that in whatever way they do. So my standard answer is 'I have 5 children' - if they ask ages I then say 'Our oldest would be 12 but we lost her at birth, we now have an 11yr old, 9yr old, 4yrs and 9mths'. Occasionally if it is a fleeting conversation with a complete stranger and I just couldn't be bothered dealing with their "Oh I am so sorry" response I will just say 4 - but if any of the kids are with me (including the 4yr old) they will say quite confidently "No Mum, you have 5, what about Mikaila?" ... Mikaila is so much a part of our family that my 4yo even drew a picture for her at preschool the other day when she was drawing pictures for everyone in her family, telling her teacher that Mikaila lived with the angels - and so, yes, I then had a very long conversation with her teacher about Mikaila when I went to pick her up.
You will find some people want to talk about it, some will feel sorry for you, some will admire that you are so open and honest - You only need to do what feels right for you!

Kerrin - posted on 02/21/2010

When people ask me about children, I always say yes & when they ask how old, I just let them know I have an angel baby (she was stillborn @36 weeks). I figure anyone that is uncomfortable with that answer, just won't bring it up again & so be it. I always function that if I'm comfortable talking about my angel bub, why should anyone I know feel uncomfortable for me. She's my daughter & I like to have her counted in my life which luckily, most people understand.

Kim - posted on 02/20/2010

When i get asked that question, I say tell them I have 3 boys. My oldest is 12 and the youngest is 2. That usually throws them off right away. Then i mention that we have one more but passed when he was 32 days. He would be 8. Most that I talk to, leave it at that and we go on with our conversation. i could never leave Alex out. He is my child and will always be counted as my child.

Natasha - posted on 02/20/2010

I have three children, ages 13 and 8, and one who would be 11 this coming April. For many years when my son was younger, I would reply that I had two, one here, one in heaven, as you did (this was before the birth of my 8 yr old daughter)...inevitably, it seemed to make them uncomfortable and they always expressed their regrets to me, and I would smile, say simply that we still loved Gabriel, and say thank you. I too, needed to acknowledge his existence to the world. If I felt so led by God to do so and thought they would be receptive, I coninued on to explain how God had healed me and was continuing to heal my pain and loss. My son was 2 1/2 when his brother was born and died (not a still-born, but only lived 4 hrs.) and he never got to meet the baby-we didnt take him to the funeral, either, b/c I didnt want the only time he got to see him be in death...so it was hard explaining to such a young child why the little brother he was expecting would not be around, espacially when he had seen evidence of my belly growing during the pregnancy and we had prepared him for the birth of a sibling. We told him Gabriel was in heaven, so when asked the qeustion if he had any siblings, his open and honest reply was that yes, he had a brother, but he got sick and died and was in heaven with Jesus, but that it was okay b/c he would see him someday again. His unabashed attitude and matter-of-factness, delivered with the innocence only a child possesses, helped me to be able to reply in the same manner-he offered no further explanation, and after ppl looking to me for confirmation of the fact, I confirmed it in the same manner. I had previously felt that I qwed a further in-depth explanation, but if I did not know them, I began to just simply affirm it and that was it-my young child taught me this and it took a burden off of my shoulders with what could be a tedious and awkward situation and made me realize if i showed no anxiety over it, my som would not, as well. Indeed, I kind of follwed his lead on this. We explained as he got older that we never had any want or need to hide from him or others the reality of Gabriel's life and subsequent death-he counted, too, after all. My son actually got to the point where he would jump in and explain for me sometimes, since he was more at ease with such questioning. He is a teenager now, and has expressed the need for closure in dealing with the loss of his brother, so we often speak of Gabriel, go visit his grave and take toys on his birthday, donate to charity in his name, and pull out pictures taken at the hospital to look at once in a while. His picture is always on my refrigerator, along with the other kids'. Some would say this is morbid, but this is how we deal, and now we don't have to be sad every time his name is brought up, or we think of him. He is part of our lives, even in death. My daughter, born years later, has been raised knowing of her other brother, and loves him, too, and now offers that same response her brother gave. We don't feel the need to mention it to every one we meet, and not right off the bat, but we don't hide it, either-it is by situation that we gauge if we want to or feel the need to tell. Ppl used to try and avoid the subject of the death of a child around me if they knew the story, even my mother, and if someone did happen to mention it, they would always look at me and spologize, but I have told them that now, I am healed/am healing (it never stops, and it never fully goes away) and I am ok-they don't have to walk on eggshells around me. Do what you think is best for you and your family-everyone experiences and deals with greif diiferently, though many things are the same. I appreciate ppl's sensitivity...but though time may not fully heal a broken heart, God can mend it to where the scar isn't such a raw and painful reminder, but a bittersweet one that is a precious reminder, instead. You will go through many stages in greif, and just when you think one is over, you may well revisit it years later, and that's normal and okay-just keep moving forward and live and enjoy life with your little one is here, and its ok to remember and teach about your little one who isnt. There should be no secret...and one day, you may be able to use your heartbreak as experience to help someone else in pain. Take it as it comes, learn, feel, and grow. I wish all God's peace, healing, comfort, and blessings to you and your family. And if you have Christ in your heart, you will see your baby again!

Eliz - posted on 02/19/2010

One woman I know tells people she doesn't feel like going into the discusion of her child who has passed away with that she has one child "at home". It's a way of avoiding the uncomfortableness that comes with the question and it's a true answer. You have one child with you and one child in heaven so try telling people you have "one child "at home". Hope this helps. *hugs*

Amy - posted on 02/19/2010

I always answer that I have 2 children - Zachary who died of SIDS and Aaron. It feels wrong to not acknowledge Zach's life. I want people to see that I am okay with talking about Zach so they should be okay to ask me about him, too. That's the only way I'm going to keep his memory (and therefore him) alive.

Lyn - posted on 02/19/2010

I say own it. It gets "easier" if that's what you call it. It has been almost 6 years since my daughter was "born". I have a tattoo on my R arm for her. Do what feels best for you. You know you have 2 kids, that's all that matters, what you know. I'm sure you get "the look", who cares. Be honest with yourself and any other children you might choose to have in the future. Jackson was your son, it's ok to acknowledge him even though he is not physically present. If people are uncomfortable with it, then they shouldn't have asked. Keep strong. Don't ever internalize it, that will ruin you, & your relationship with your significant other.

Zoe - posted on 02/18/2010

On 14 April 2008, my daugther was stillborn at 40 weeks. I am now 28 weeks pregnant, and as big as a house. People (being the curious type) always ask, how far along are you, is it a boy or girl, followed in sucession by: So is this your first? I answer no, she is my second, then they ask the "so how old is the first then?" to which I reply she's a year and 9 months, they then drop the subject. I've tried the other approach of saying this one is my first, but it feels like a HUGE bretrayel to Emma, and I am somehow denying that she exsisted. I feel more guilty saying this is my first, than lying about Emma's age. I've also tried the she "would be" a year and 9 months now - but this leads to explaining something that I still, a year and 9 months later, don't fully understand and I can't handle the silence that ensues or the uncomfortableness in the air. Also, that leads to another question "aren't you scared?" - hell yes - and I don't need you to bring it back to me! Everyone who knows me, knows what happened in 2008, and those who ask the questions now are strangers who I will never have to see again... So that is how I answer the question. And before I was pregnant again, I always answered, I have one - but she is in heaven, you can run immediately after that. Also depends on the situation I guess and your own circumstances, but that is how I cope daily!

Amanda - posted on 02/18/2010

I usually answer 4 when people ask and then when they ask where the other is, I tell them he has passed. Sometimes my older son who is 6 will say "my other brother lives with God in heaven" It definetly throws them off when my son tells them. But it's been a year and a half now and I'm more able to answer that question, but every once and a while I just can't answer it. On fb on the family app and even on my kids on circle of mom's I include him. I lost my son from a cord accident @ 18 weeks

Amy - posted on 02/18/2010

I agree with Sara, it usually depended on the situation and also how I was feeling at the time. If I was feeling fragile, like the first year my son Lucas died, I usually said 2. On better days, I said 3. It's been almost 16 years since Lucas died so I always include him now. People are going to be uncomfortable and some will say stupid things because they don't know how to react, but you have to say what's right for you regardless of other people.

Tamara - posted on 02/18/2010

I have 4 children 3 whom live with me and one that lives in heaven with God! Thats who I say it every time! and when they ask about ages I tell them 13, 10, would be 6, and 4! But you will find away to say it that makes you feel comfertable! It took me about a year after my sons passing to not go blank when someone asked me that!

Sara - posted on 02/18/2010

I usually think over the situation first. If it's just a casual encounter when I am out with my 3 year old, I say one child if I am making small talk with some other folks in the play areas or out at the store. When I am around other mothers, or people who are genuinely interested I say two, our first was stillborn and Jack. It just depends on the situation for me to say how many kids I have.

Micah - posted on 02/18/2010

I always answer the question honestly.I have 7 living children and one angel with God.It is my way of being able to honor his memory.I was 37 weeks along with my first child when I lost him it was the hardest thing I had or still have ever faced I was 16 years old.I never got the pleasure of meeting him so talking about him is the only way i have to honor his memory......Micah

Christy - posted on 02/17/2010

I answer honestly. I have 2 children. But I always say that God has custody of one. If it makes people uncomfortable then too bad. I agree with Roschelle. If they ask then they deserven the truth. Sometimes people look at me like I'm crazy but I let them know that I'm ok with it and then they just move on.

Christine - posted on 02/16/2010

I have 4 boys, 3 that are still with me, 1 that watches over me. I say it exactly like that. Or sometimes I say that I have 3 boys that live with me and 1 that lives with God. If people don't like my answer, too bad. Gabriel is just as important as Alex, Joey and Jackson. We talk about Gabe often. He is a huge part of our life and my 2 older boys know about our love for their brother. Jackson is our rainbow baby so he doesn't understand yet, but I want to make sure as he gets older that he too understands about his big brother Gabe. I want my boys to always realize I recognize Gabe as their brother :)

Hugs.

Diane - posted on 02/16/2010

i have 2 children aged 6 and 4 soon to be 5 in april.it will be 3 years in august since i lost my youngest child he would of been 3 this july he was born at 33 weeks with breathing problems and so forth we removed him from lifesupport a month and 16 days after being on it he lived for 30 mins until he passed away in my arms.my husband and i deal with this differently like he wont talk about it but wont listen when i want to talk and its still hard for me being around pregnant women.i'm not sure how long my healing process will be but it can be for the rest of my life i'm focusing on my 2 children whom even though are a handful i love them to pieces.

Roschelle - posted on 02/16/2010

Sarah,



I understand that question all to much. We lost three children in a house fire two years ago and we have since had a child and expecting another one. I answer it honestly. I have five children. When they ask the follow up question I answered them with I have three children who we lost in a house fire and two we had since the fire. If people feel uncomfortable its not your problem. You are honoring your children and being truthful. You don't have to make people feel ok about what happen to you. You do what feels right for you and don't internalize their issue with death or loss for yourself. Here to offer support.