anyone want to talk about being a mum to a toddler after recent loss of baby/infant

Kate - posted on 08/23/2009

thankyou all, i know its hard with another child, especially toddler to raise amidst the grief, i just wanted to say 'hurrah' for my toddler who keeps me going everyday...

Heather - posted on 08/03/2009

My daughter was two when I lost my son Blake Evan...he was fullterm stillborn this May. She never got to meet him...which I wish she had now. The day I came home from the hosptial she asked 'where da baby go' she would point to my belly or place her hand to it not knowing he was really gone. I took me a month to have his pictures out. I made him a small scrapbook and now she talks about him.



After a loss a toddler can be so helpful but hard all at the same time. I feel like she gives me very little time to grieve. But she is also the cutest on a bad day she will hug me and say Mommy ok. At least she gives me that reason to get up each morning and be thankful for all I do have.



She loves babies...and I hope someday she will have a brother or sister.

Lori - posted on 07/31/2009

My oldest daughter was 17 months old when my twins were born, and she was a very helpful big sister. but she could never tell them apart! She would call them who's this and which one is that as she pointed at them. Even though she had a great vocabulary at that age, she never referred to them by their names! Then at 6 weeks when we lost Lexi, our oldest daughter was devastated! She would point to the surviving twin and say who's this? But then she would ask where's that one? It practically broke my heart every time. And, it especially breaks my heart that Lili will never remember her twin. We were faced with the issue that every milestone for Lili was a constant reminder also of what was missing. I felt tremendous guilt that I was turning all of Lili's baby memories into sad occasions! Time does heal all wounds, and like you we have established alot of weird traditions that for us help keep Lexi's memory alive. When Lili became a toddler herself she did and said some things that make me now understand that I never had reason to fear that she wouldn't remember Lexi. I now know that she feels her and is a part of her and that nothing will ever take that from her. My older daughter remembers her, despite the fact that I feared she never would. When she was 3 I found her giving her birthday cake to the mailman, and my first reaction was WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING? and she just looked at me calmly and said I thought the mailman could deliver this to Lexi in heaven. I sat there and balled my eyes out! But it was then that I truely knew that we were all going to get through losing Lexi and be OK! The Lexi rituals are a part of our regular lives, we talk about her and celebrate her daily. Eventually remembering and celebrating her took the place of grieving for her.

Brooke - posted on 07/31/2009

My daughter passed away at 19 months. My son was 4 months old when his sister passed away. I think he's doing better with the situation than i am. Some days i just want to sit in a corner and cry, because he'll never remember her and i wish he would remember such a sweet sister. I have a picture of Novalee on my livingroom wall and every morning Chaysen and i get up out of bed...i walk him to the picture and we say Good morning....I dont know if that's strange, but not only do i feel as if i'm keeping them together, i feels as though i'm keeping myself together too

Tracy - posted on 07/30/2009

Hi Kate:

I lost my son when he was 15 months old to a drowning accident at our home. My husband and I had taken all precautions we felt neccesary and it did not stop the inevitable. We had 4 boys at the time, ages 4,6 and 8. All three were extremely close to their baby brother and the two youngest talk about him on a daily basis. Our oldest whom is now 10 is just starting to talk about him. We took our boys to counseling at our local hospice and they participate in a bereavement camp twice a year for children whom have lost a siblling. Both the counseling and the bereavement camp have helped them tremendously. The counselor advised us to always allow them to talk about their brother as that is their way of grieving and coping so we never shut them down when they talk about him. We let them know that they have an "angel brother", Our lives have changed tremendously since Evan's death but my husband and I remain steadfast in our trust in God and it sustains us.