Communities

Motherhood after the death of a child: pregnancy, infant

All Communities > Motherhood after the death of a child: pregnancy, infant > Baby Tristan

Baby Tristan

Ashley - posted on 09/02/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

3

0

Last year around this time i went to the doctors at around 21 weeks pregnant to find out the sex of my baby. Me and my bf were so excited waiting for the doctor and squirming around in the waiting room.... When the doctor was finally doing the ultrasound he said something didnt look right and referred me to a specialist right away.. He told me i couldnt wait. We went and waited for hours since we didnt have an appointment time and were scarred out of our minds... The doctor there had a bad accent so everything he was saying didnt make any sense and he was using big words... the last thing he said to me was that my baby wasnt healthy and wasnt going to live. I cried on the way out, Frustrated at not knowing what was going on. The next day i was called back to do an amniotic testing. I was sent home and said i would be called back in a week.... at 22 weeks a genetics counsler told me my babys heart wasnt forming correctly, the brain had to much fluid in it, and he had Trisomy 13. they told me i had a choice to keep him and he wouldnt live after birth or to terminate the baby. that same day i found out i was having a boy... (what we wanted) this was the worst decision i have ever had to make in my life. after talking to my family, my bf, and his family we decided it was best if we went on with the termination for the better sake of our son. i hoped and prayed that when i went to my next doctors appointment at 23 wks that they would say everything was okay, but it didnt happen. at 24 wks we got the procedure started. on october 13th, 1:13 pm i had him naturally, the nurses didnt let me see him. Its going to be a whole year next month and i still feel the exact same way i did those weeks i had to go through. my heart is not heeled and i dont think will ever be... i always thought why me? what did i do. and today i found this website in which many women have the same story.. now, i dont feel alone and like i was singled out. it kind of makes me feel better. and this helped alot.

R.I.P to my baby bot, Tristan Herrera, 10.13.11

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms

3 Comments

View replies by

Grace - posted on 09/06/2012

112

19

I went through a very similar situation. My son (also named Tristan) had OEIS. I made the same decision to have him early. I don't know if I made the right choice but we were told my son wouldn't live past a year or see the outside of the hospital. I have a daughter who is Tristan's older sister to think of. Both my husband and i work full time. I am so sorry to hear about your little guy. I can tell you I feel your pain. I understand the confusion and the heart ache. My Tristan was delivered early in January 2009. I don't know why these things happen and I am still dealing with the anger of it all. I miss my son too. I can tell you one thing. You are strong, very strong for making this decision, for saving him from all the pain that he inevitably would have gone through. I don't think these situations are anything for right or wrong, they just are..

Ashley - posted on 09/03/2012

3

0

Thank you so much for sharing this with me.... And i am sorry to hear about your friends situation, it must be so hard. That was everything i feared. I didnt want to witness and have a heartache of watching my son go through surgery's and not be able to play like other kids. Your friend is very strong for going through it all.

Nature (Ash) - posted on 09/03/2012

33

21

I do know your pain I have lost 2 children. I want to tell you about a friend of mine. She had the same problem with her son. She chose to give birth. He went into surgery 5 min after he was born. He is alive today but it is not much of a life. He is a year old he can not walk he can not eat, play sit up or even turn his head on his own. If he survives to see next year I would be amazed. I know if he does live on he will never live a true life.



As much as it hurts you did make the right choice. Your son is happy and healthy now. Blessings to you dear. May you find peace in my words.

Want to find out the opinions of this community?

Add Poll