Born on 05/04/09 became an angel the same day

Amelia - posted on 05/28/2009

I lost my first born 2 weeks before christmas 05 and the hardest bit for me was leaving him at the hospital and having to walk away and leave him there. I had wanted a child for so long and I got so close and lost him. They couldn't even give me a real answer to his death. 3 months later I was pregnant again, so many worries of it all happening again went through my mind every day. It didn't happen and the son I have today is what gets me out of bed aswell. When I see him making milestones all i think about is my first child and wonder if he would have done those things aswell. It does get easier, you will never forget it but you dont really want to either it's still your child. Every year my family and I go out to lunch to celebrate his birth. I have recently lost my dad. I don't know which one was harder. Its almost been a year for dad and 4 for my son. It is still very hard but its good to think of them regualy and just cry you will feel better. Make sure you talk about it with someone you can talk to thats helps alot aswell.

Kayte - posted on 05/27/2009

This is one of if not the hardest thing you'll ever go through. I understand your pain, and for that I am sorry...nobody should have to feel such sorrow. I am here if you need to talk.

Sara - posted on 05/27/2009

My little boy was born asleep on 13 January 2007. Sometimes i feel good about life, but my pain as not gone away just changed. I don't think it will ever go away you just get use to living with it. I had another little boy 14 January 2008 which I thought it would help with my grief but sadly it didn't. I'm still grieving but now have to look after a toddler

Rachael - posted on 05/27/2009

at the beginning of 2005 i fell pregnant with my son at about 13 weeks i began to have heaps of bleeding. i spent many nigts in hospital and being told there was nothing wrong. but knowing in myself that there was. at 22 weeks i gave birth to my lil man sammual he lived for 30 minutes before passing in his fathers arms. i still to this day have trouble with it.. although in time it does get alilttle easier.. im very sorry for your loss..

Erica - posted on 05/26/2009

Hello Emma. I know all too well what you are going through. I lost my only son on April 19th 2009. I am still trying to get through each day. It is very hard. Am I am learning how to cope by the grace of God. He has held my hand through it all from the beginning. My son Mason was born with V.A.T.E.R. Syndrome. We had no clue until he was born that anything was wrong. He was only 3 days old when we were told that there was nothing else they could do for him. It was the hardest thing in the world for me to let him go. I couldn't even be in the room when they took him off the machines. My husband had to do it. But I did get to hold him while he was still on the ventilator. If it wasn't for my other two girls, I don't think I could have gotten through those first few weeks. But I am just taking it one day at a time. Which is what I encourage you to do.

Eufemia - posted on 05/26/2009

Hello i just want to say that u are not alone in this i also had a stillborn on 1-14-09 i was 7 months pregnant when i lost my son Nathaniel but my other 4 kids keep me going but i still cry and feel like i'm lost at times cause i should be attending to a baby but instead i'm attending to my other kids to keep myself busy and not think but it's hard not to think on how things happened but they are in better hands cause they at least do not have to suffer they are in heaven watching over us in every step that we take take ur child with you in everything you do cause our babies are always with us.....GOD always has control why should i be anxious, god always has control why should i be afraid, god always has control why should i question him, even if i don't understand i live in tranquility i live in peace because god always has control, i am blessed i sleep in tranquility i live in peace cause god has control. Remember we are blessed with little angels we might not understand the reason why they return to heaven but god has control never question just say thank you lord for picking us to be their parents and i know it hurts cause it hurts me everyday to think of my son and he is not in my arms but we forget that they are with us at all times our babies are gone but never forgotten what i wrote was part of a song that is in spanish. Here is another Don't say goodbye but see u later, god has determined that in heaven i'd be better off; don't say goodbye but see u later, i had to go to a place where i won't suffer; don't say goodbye but see u later, don't worry about me cause where i'm at i await for you, don't say goodbye but see u later, don't be afraid to die don't be afraid; eventhough i had to leave it would be for only a moment cause i will be waiting for you in heaven with open arms.. these songs were dedicated to my son and i would like to dedicate them to ur family from ur son may god bless you and keep you safe and remember u are not alone in this i am here.

Stephanie - posted on 05/22/2009

i feel your pain it has been 6 years and 8 months since i lost my twin boys.. I though i would die.. I couldn't bare leaving the hospital with out them and it was the worst thing that could of ever happen to me I remember the day i found out i was prego with them I almost feel down the steps running to tell their daddy we were prego! I have never been so excited for anything in my life! The funeral was worst i couldn't bare the pain my mom and their dad had to drag me out of the funeral home cause i knew if i left that would be the last time i would ever see their little faces again! I now have 3 children 2 boys 5 years and one that will be one in 2 weeks and a little girl that is 4.. I look at them everyday and i am so grateful i have them! I often wonder if my twins would look like their brothers! I often find my self thinking about what they would be doing and how they would of looked their first day of school as they would be graduating from kindergarden here in a few days! They say time eases the pain but you will never forget i must say the pain is a little easier but theirs not a day that goes by i don't think of them! Sometimes at night when i close my eyes i still relive that day over and over again in my mind like it was yesterday! I am truly sorry for your loss!

Torie - posted on 05/16/2009

i too have lived this nightmare every day for 5 years, and the pain is still deep. I have 3 other children but they dont replace the one you lost.

Kristie - posted on 05/14/2009

Hi Emma I have just gone thru the same thing I was pregnant with twins and one of them passed away prior to delivery. It is still very hard I have my days of ups and downs. I know the pain will eventually get better. We had my son cremated and the hospital gave us some memorabilias for him. I hope you are doing well and if you need to talk just leave me a message.

Ranea - posted on 05/14/2009

Emma, I jus burried my lil Rachelynn on May 4th of this year. And your right its a nightmare that I keep trying to wake up from every mornin with no luck. Today was my due date that I was suppose to give her life into this world and all I am left with is an empty tummy as a reminder of my loss. I also have a daughter (born in 04) and helps me get through the days and I look at her and am so thankful to have her in my life, There is no greater pain in this world then losing a child and i dont wish it on anyone. I well keep you and yours in my prayers.

Paula - posted on 04/28/2009

Hi Emma, I remember being in your shoes...just 5 months ago. your day tomorrow...will be hard...as it was for all of us. The ache will be overwhelming at times. lean on the people who love you...

I lost my Narmeen in nov /08 she lived only 27 days. she never left the hospital. It's hard to tell you the truth...to say in time things will get better...when really that is not what you want to hear....I know cause I heard it too. I will tell you its going to be the hardest thing you will ever face...and the next months will be a test of will. Please seek out help, talk and cry all you want. write to us everyday if you have too...we are all here....some of us the wound is fresh...while others....its healing over in time. there is not one of us that has ever forgotten...our little ones and we will never be the same.

where you go from here....don't worry...let your heart guide you. Paula

Lisa - posted on 04/27/2009

Quoting Billie Jo:

I too feel your pain.. my daughter Alexis was born "sleeping" on 11/20/05. It was heart wrenching to never get to hear that cry...or for her to grab my finger with her tiny little hand. You are not alone..sadly there are a lot of angel mommy's. It is so hard when the wound is so fresh.. it does get easier, I promise. However the pain never goes away..your little man will be with you in your heart forever and will live on through the memories you have of him in your belly and memories you create involving him. I don't know about you...but it always helped me to talk about her.. my heart is with you.

My daughter Amberlyn Rose was stillborn just one month after that (12-20-05).  She was my fourth baby.  I went on to have another daughter in June 2007 named Alexis Faith.  I hope you all continue to heal.  I still feel so much pain and heartache from losing her.  My heart aches and cries still to this day.  Thank God that I have my other babies to hold and kiss.  Although they don't erase her memory, they give me a reason to get up everyday and to go on living.

Luanne - posted on 04/24/2009

My 1st son was stillborn and it was the hardest thing I have ever been through in my entire life. I never got to say all the things u want to say but I know that doesnt matter because I know that Alex knew I loved him cos I told him everyday and still do. The funeral will be really tough but just remeber that your son will always be your son, talk about him, I found that it helped as people didnt know what to say and didnt want to mention him incase it upset me but i was more upset when they didnt mention him.

I have amemory shelf in my living room with a picture of him and some little teddys and other things. I also have a special place to go as i cremated my son and scattered his ashes. The pain never goes away but it does get easier over time and not a day will go by that u wont think about him. My son would of been 6 in June and I think about him every day. Every birthday and christmas I light a candle and blow bubbles for him, cos lets face it what child doesnt like bubbles. I hope this helps. I dont know u but I send you love and best wishes. May your little boy rest in peace and become another bright star in the sky. xx

Tracey - posted on 04/24/2009

My son Harrison was born 3 January 2009. (38 weeks) He had passed away inside me on 2 January 2009 and after being told at 9:30pm he had no heart beat, I gave birth to him at 4:15am. I was able to hold him for a minute or two before being rushed into surgery. After two and a half hours of operating whilst I was still awake (I had an epidural) I had lost three litres of fresh blood on top of a kilo blood clot that was behind the placenta. My heart stopped and the doctors performed a Hysterectomy once they were able to resucitate me. It was traumatic for everyone especially my partner who spent much time blaming himself. I have three other children from previous relationship and they were shattered. My youngest daughter 9 yrs particularly as we have also lost her beloved Abuella since then too. My children know that they very nearly lost their mother and that combined with their brother's loss has been hard for them to take.

The funeral was hard to go through, but the support of so many friends and family who shared our journey during the pregnancy of our much loved and wanted son, has been a blessing...

Each day I give myself permission to cry at least once. I have set up a memorial in my walk in robe with Harrison's ashes. Each morning as I dress for work I have a private chat with my son. I miss him terribly and there are no words that are right or wrong, but the collective pain of others makes you feel less alone.

My aching heart goes out to you all. I send you a big virtual hug through cyberspace...

Lets hope all our angels are up there together watching over us and guiding our paths.

x Tracey

Nicole - posted on 04/23/2009

Emma, I feel your pain trust. My daughter has been gone since 7-6-06. She was 7months. As time goes on(trust me) you will feel better. Its going to take a min. Prayer got me threw it. I thought life was over. Everything happens for a reason. What reason? Only god knows. I will keep you in my prayers.. Feel your pain. Take care.

Kelly - posted on 04/23/2009

yes i have/do feel your pain my lil girl paris was still born at 37weeks in 1998. the pain +hurt never goes away esp when no reason was given ive since had 3 lil boys alfie 8 archie 6 +kenzie 13weeks. i believe our loss children that r now angels up above live on in our other children we have 2 day. thay walk beside us watch over us. i hope this has helped in some way r.i.p 2 all the angels up above xxxxx

Shawn-Tracey - posted on 04/23/2009

Hi, my husband and i went through a similar situation last summer...we lost our daughter when she was 9 days old. We never new there were any complications but there were tons....There are great groups out there for these things...it doesnt go away but it does get easier....i have a group on here...In loving memory of Trinity Antonette Gerald....if you find this group you can find others just like us....Perinatally Beareved Parents of Ontario.

Billie Jo - posted on 04/22/2009

I too feel your pain.. my daughter Alexis was born "sleeping" on 11/20/05. It was heart wrenching to never get to hear that cry...or for her to grab my finger with her tiny little hand. You are not alone..sadly there are a lot of angel mommy's. It is so hard when the wound is so fresh.. it does get easier, I promise. However the pain never goes away..your little man will be with you in your heart forever and will live on through the memories you have of him in your belly and memories you create involving him. I don't know about you...but it always helped me to talk about her.. my heart is with you.

Kate - posted on 04/22/2009

I know exactly what you are going through although my nightmare is not as fresh as yours. It is still early days for you and my heart goes out to you and your family. I lost my little boy Cody on the 9th of june 2003. He was stillbon at 39 weeks and no reason was ever found. We spent the whole day at the hospital, holding him,kissing him and we took photos. It absolutely shattered my heart when we had to leave him at the hospital and go home alone. I spent a lot of time in the nursery, looking at his clothes and crying.The worst part for me was that he never heard us tell him we loved him, never got to see the admiration in our eyes at how perfect he was, never felt us hold him or kiss him. I wonder every day if he knew how much we love him. Then there was having to explain to our 3 1/2 year old daughter where her baby brother was. That was very hard, we were honest with her but it was difficult when she woke through the night crying and asking for her baby brother back. I spent many nights cuddled up with her in her bed as we both cried ourselves back to sleep. My partner was my a load of strength for me however it was my daughter that got me through, I had to get out of bed every day because she needed me and i don't know if i would've coped without her. I have since had 3 more boys who light up my life but they will never replace my little man. He will be with me in my mind and heart for the rest of my life.

Your pain is still so fresh but i promise it does easier, I can now think of my little angel daily without crying although it chokes me up sometimes when i think of what he would look like now or try to picture him playing with his sister and brothers.

I hope you and your family pull through this horrible nightmare and i hope you find comfort in knowing that others care. Your little angel will always be with you.xxx I too, will be thinking of you all on the 29th.

Julie - posted on 04/21/2009

sorry for your loss i know wat your going through i lost a baby in feb 08 not bein stillborn i had to give birth at 21wks due to his non surviable abnormalties (kidneys&heart). he was born sleeping with the angels on a very special day (feb 14th) it was heartbreaking when we had to come home with out him and leave him behind at the hospital. i had a lot of support from my friends you will never get over your loss he will always have a special place in your heart i found it helpfull to write a dairy of my feelings to him. i find it helps me to talk about ryan with family and friends even to this day i still put ryans name on cards i still go to his grave and put flowers down every wkend and talk to him. will be thinking of you both on the 29th x x

Steph - posted on 04/21/2009

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my son, Masyn on March 11, 2009 and he was stillborn. He was due on March 12th. It's hard to deal with and you blame everyone you can, even yourself. We just got our autopsy report back and it is unknown. Now I feel like I will never have a closure. I have a daughter Madyson, also born in 2005 and she has been wonderful. I talk alot about Masyn and seems to help me. Just have faith and know that you have your own guardian angel up there. He's all yours and no one can take that away.

Emma Shorty - posted on 04/21/2009

Quoting Trina:

I didn't have a stillborn, but I just wanted to say that I am very sorry for what you are going through right now. Please know that while the nightmare of losing a child never ends, it does become easier with time. Also know that while no one else has responded (yet), you are not alone.

Does your little guy have a name?

We named our Angel T.J!

Thanks for replying, thanks

Emily - posted on 04/20/2009

Quoting Emma Shorty:

Born on 05/04/09 became an angel the same day

just wanted to know if there was any mums having/have had to live this nightmare i am livin now! My little boy was stillborn, I never got the chance to say elo or love you, just the words goodbye! i feel quite low everyday, knowing that i have to wake up with no baby to need or want me! My little gal paige ( born 05) has been a god send to me! Knowing that i have her here, has been the only thing that has kept me going! I have got to bury by little boy on wed 29 april! i hope that my nightmare will so end! sorry to know that there are other mothers like me......

I am so sorry you are going through this.  I went through the same thing in 2005.  I am sorry to say the nightmare doesn't end but it gets a little easier with time.  His birthdays are a tough time every year.  I hope you and your husband will support each other through this and not let it come between you.  Also everything is easier with God on your side.  He uses these times to draw you closer to him so get in the Bible and see what he has to say!  All the answers you are looking for right now are there. 

Nikkie - posted on 04/20/2009

Hi emma
my thoughts go out to you as i know hard it is not to say helllo or i love you just goodbye. my little boy micheal was born on 01/01/96 , and i still think of him, he was my first baby , but the thing that made it a little easier was i had photos ect and i planted a rose in his memory which has moved every house i have and is still going stron , so could i sugest you plant something in your babies memory, and if you need to message me just send a message to my facebook nikkie davies and i will respond

Lisa - posted on 04/20/2009

my heart is breaking for you i know the pain you feel over the death of a baby,on july 7th 2004 i gave birth to a beautiful set of twin boys vinnie and reece,on july 10th my son reece died from cardiac arrest due to a heart condition,the pain and heartache does ease over time but it never fully goes away,i also had a son of 6 at the time and he was a godsend to me aswell,this year my son would have been 5 i still love and miss him every day,with the support of a great family and circle of friends my husband and i were able to move on and we have since been blessed with a beautiful little girl but there will always be a part of our family missing,dont be afraid to ask your friends for help even if you just want them to listen to you having a good cry, try not to bottle your feelings up,and if you ever need to chat just drop me an email,will be thinking of you and your family on the 29th take care lisa x

Leanne - posted on 04/20/2009

Hi Emma and firstly im soooo sorry to here bout ur loss.

Im Leanne and my lil girl ,Angel was still born on Jan 08 and like u my lil girl never took breath but i did say my goodbyes and i love you wen i had her brought to me tht nite wen i was alone,i had sed nobody wud c her not bcus i was ashamed bt she was my bby girl,i never held her like her dad bt i sed all i had 2 say.

Like u i have a a god send,my other lil gal was born Jan07 and she has kept me going frew the good days and bad but i do still have them low days even now so ur not alone Emma dont evr think tht but the paindnt go away just fades a lil at a time.

Wen ur sad,cry wen ur angery,scream wen u wanna talk talk or do wat i did i wrote a journal as at 1st didnt wanna talk but holding it wont / didnt help.

Hope this helps cus ur nt alone and if ya wanna talk im here ta talk or even just ta listen cus sumtimes a ear is better xxx

Libby - posted on 04/20/2009

My daughter, Trina Lynn, was stillborn on December 3rd, 2008. It is sad that there are so many of us out there living this nightmare, but we are all here for you sweetie. Losing a child, no matter how it happens, it the worst fear a parent can face. When it becomes a reality it is numbing. Please lean on us here! Take care.

Trina - posted on 04/20/2009

I didn't have a stillborn, but I just wanted to say that I am very sorry for what you are going through right now. Please know that while the nightmare of losing a child never ends, it does become easier with time. Also know that while no one else has responded (yet), you are not alone.



Does your little guy have a name?