Christmas?

Heather - posted on 11/21/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )

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How do you represent your child during christmas or do you. i found a photo ornament online im going to get my babies foot print photo put on and her birth date. she was a stillborn due in December so im still having some issue with mourning. I want to put up a stocking for her but i dont know if it is appropriate. anyone got any ideas of ways to show she is here in spirit during the holiday season. I want to spend the holiday with her but i need something there to represent her, other than just her urn. my husband wanted to get her a baby bracelet to keep in her keepsake box. she has a bible and a teddy already. is that an ok idea. im just scared if i do anything people are going to think im crazy.

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Kelly - posted on 12/05/2010

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i thing its a great idea. i bought a babys first christmas ordament for my son. he was also due in december. i plan to buy him an ordament every year just like i do for my other kids. i wanted to hang a stocking for him but i decided that that would just be too painful for me. do what ever makes you feel better. who cares if every one else thinks you are crazy. most people have never had a baby die and have no idea what it feels like. do for yourself. i really do think that the bracelet is a great idea.

Kayla - posted on 11/22/2010

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first of all it really doesn't matter what other people think! I have to tell myself that same thing. A friend of mine gave me this suggestion last Christmas (the first Christmas since I had lost my daughter after 2 breathes here on earth) That we DO have a stocking and each Christmas get her an outfit or whatever that she would have been in at that age to pass down to her little sister in the future. I have 3 boys right now but I am planning on having lots of children. Hopefully another girl, so that works for me. But you don't have to pass it on if you don't want to. Or maybe there is a little cousin you could pass her big cousin's outfits to. We also get an ornament each year for ALL my children, I like Karis (my daughter) to share in everything her siblings do. We also have a little pink Kitty my husband and I bought for her when she was born we take pictures with that kitty somewhere in there. Sometimes I hold the kitty and sometimes her brothers hold it but in every family photo since her passing she is with is still being represented by that stuffed kitty.
No matter what people think your lives are forever changed because of your child and she will always be with you. You know if you have a doll or stuffed animal she is not in that actual toy but that is something to represent her real presence. She was here she existed and you will forever remember and cherish the time you had with her.
A friend of mine was reprimanded by family for having a birthday cake to celebrate her daughters birthday when "we don't have a cake for our dead grandma!" I believe was the quote. And she said yes biut how many birthday cakes did grandma have? I want my daughter to get at least that many...
You don'y have to show or share these things with the world they can be personal just for you and your family.If you have a sticking up and someone comes into your home and criticizes you they can leave if they feel uncomfortable....sorry it's so long. :) I do encourage you to knowledge in some way this Christmas your baby girl.
By the way the bracelet sounds wonderful! You could even make it a charm bracelet and every year buy her a charm of something you may think she would have liked.

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Heather - posted on 12/07/2010

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*update.. my husband purchase the little shoe ornament from things remembered and also we found a baby's first Christmas ornament.. it is a stocking with a baby inside that moves and it plays music..its huge.. so we decided to use it as her stocking..

Vanessa - posted on 12/06/2010

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There is nothing wrong with remembering your daughter...I still have my twins hospital bracelets and I remember them every Thanksgiving (they were due 2202). Peple who have not experienced loss don't understand, so you don't have to explain why you...and NO you are not crazy! I think it's great. To remember them I bought a gold diamond and ruby ring (their birthstones) and when I felt like it, I would buy and even bigger diamond and ruby. This is what I did.

Jenna - posted on 12/04/2010

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I know that a pet isn't the same as a child at all, however when our childhood pets died, we engraved their name on glass balls for the Christmas tree so that they were always there with us for Christmas.

Don't EVER feel like you're crazy for wanting your daughter to be part of Christmas. By all means put up a stocking. She is still part of your family, irrespective of the fact that she is not there in body. She is there in spirit :)

Laurika - posted on 12/03/2010

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no! you are not crazy. do what you feel comfortable with. Christmas is a hard time. my 2 would have been 1 this christmas 23 December. Love Laurika

Melissa - posted on 12/03/2010

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My son was due just before Christmas 2008 but was born Jan 2009, and died at 7 weeks old; my sis-in-law had an 08 stocking and ornament frame, but we were awaiting his arival for his Official 1st x-mas. She still gave the stuff to us last christmas; my husband was offended by that, but really what else would she do with it?
I always wanted to have a baby's 1st Christmas and to do something Special; now I want to honor our lost son, and still make this and every christmas special for our 'new' / living son.
We rushed into replacing our first son and nothing has seemed as special as with our first; I (not so secretly) Worry that I/we do not love him as much as his 'older' brother.
Our son is now 7 months, will be 8 months old this christmas. Does anyone know of a good way to honor Both sons?

I would be too sad to hang a lost child's stocking, espically one lost very young; but at 17 it is a tradition and I'd feel too weird not hanging it up. Since we have so much family close by we have a lot of gifts and I worry about bulbs and decorations and cannt do all of the set-up I did when I was younger; so we just put up a 4 foot tree with only mini bulbs my mom insisted on using. in a year or two we will put up the hand made and baby and wedding christmas ornaments the works; my mom still hangs those old ones we picked as kids... I think this year she is glad to have the small tree so everything matches. My husband has a hand knitted stocking with his name and date of birth (first name and year at least, if not in full). and he is looking for anyone who can make more of them so we can each have one to match... I think even one for our lost baby... but it would just hang empty or remain stored ... because there is no child to open/empty it; no reason to fill it. Perhaps if he was a younger sibling to help ease it for the siblings who knew him I would fill them all early and then empty his after they fall asleep; give the illusion he came to watch over them and stayed long enough to enjoy his gifts. that way they could each select a small token of love gift for him.

At the funeral home we used I found a 'rememberance jewelry' thing; they can make a pendant and necklace or other item using your lost loved one's hand or foot print or finger print (for older people). it can be expensive, but is a great reminder and a comfort to hold.
Also search the website for S.P.A.L.S
subsequent pregnancy after loss
they have a very helpful and supportive e-mail group that you can send questions to and talk and relate and hear from women who understand the complexities only someone going through this same pain can comprehend.

I'll be keeping my eye out for good ideas. Blessings at this time of year and always. ♥

Alicia - posted on 12/02/2010

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Our son's due date is also this December & we bought him an ornament that says "Forever in our hearts" With his name & date of birth on it.

Also, we are sending hand written letters to all of our close family members asking them to each write a small note to our precious little Matthew, saying something they wish they could have done with him, said to him, or shown him this Christmas. We are hanging a stocking for him and putting all his notes inside for us to open and read Christmas morning.

I really need to feel like we aren't the only ones missing him this year, we want him to know how much we ALL love and miss him ♥

It doesn't matter exactly what you do this Christmas in memory of your child, as long as it gives you some peace and comfort, especially on such a difficult holiday.

Brandi - posted on 12/01/2010

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I to was due in December and had my daughter stillborn just a few wks ago. I have not decided what will do for her yet, I do however love the idea of buy a toy for a child who needs it and hanging the card where her stocking would be that is awesome! my husband and I have already decided that we would get a ornament with her name on it for our tree.. have not found a place to get one yet but we are working on that. I say do whats best for you, We also had our daughter cremated Im so glad to see that someone else has done the same thing, we had alot of mixed emotion about that with family. She may not have been able to come home the way we wanted but at least she is here. We have her urn in her crib for now haven't got the nerve to take that down yet. We have also decided to have the fresh flower bouquet that we had for her funeral remade every year to have on the table for us to remember her since that's what we done when we came home as well

Carol - posted on 11/30/2010

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Check out compassionate friends website. They have quite a few suggestions as to how to include your child during the holidays. I checked out the website last night myself. We plan to take Christmas pictures ths year for the first time since she has been gone. I purchased an Angel stamp, so I can stamp each of our cards with the Angel. Underneath the Angel I am going to write her name, dates and her memorial website. (last-memories.com) Chelsea died 2 1/2 years ago and it still seems like yesterday. She had just turned 17 years old. I have continued to put her stocking up and have all of her ornaments on the tree. This year, I bought an ornament made by Hearts Gifts by Theresa. It says: "You may miss me, but I'm spending Christmas with Jesus this year". On the back it says: "Chelsea Michelle Rowe", her dates or birth and death, and then underneath it says: "Forever In Our Hearts". The C in her first name has a halo around the top.

M. - posted on 11/30/2010

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After my daughter passed, she was 17, we continued to put up her stocking until we moved. Now the boys have their childhood stocking at their homes. When I used to put up the "big" tree her ornaments were always there. I think an ornament with your daughters footprint would be perfect! I also like Kelly's idea of "adopting" a child at Christmas! What a wonderful way to give back. My daughter and I used to do that together, she would pick a child and so would I. I think I'll do it again this year!!

Kerrin - posted on 11/26/2010

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My husband & I lit a candle last year (this year would have been her 2nd Christmas).

We found out Christmas Eve 08 our daughter was going to be stillborn so Christmas is a horrible reminder for us. We found lighting the candle last year made us feel like she was with us.

Kelly - love your idea. If I get time before then, I think it's something I might like to do too & I think it may help us with what the holidays are like for us.

Heather - posted on 11/24/2010

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thanks y'all.. its just been 4 months so im still having a bit of issue trying to figure it out. but thanks so much for the ideas and i am deeply sorry for both of your losses

Kelly - posted on 11/23/2010

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Every Christmas our family chooses a little boy, though secret santa, that is the same age that our son would have been and wants a toy that we believe our son would have liked and donate the toy. Then we take the card we get and hang it up were our son stocking should be. We thing this si a good memorial for our son, he would have been 4 this year, he died three day before his second birthday. On his birthday, we always have a cake.

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