could someone give me advice on how to get through the tough times during a miscariage?

Denisha - posted on 10/28/2009

I am sorry to hear about your loss I know it is hard. I have lost 2 babiy girls 1 in 2001 at 5 months and the other in 2004 at 7 months and on top of it all I had to have c-sections so getting cut open for 2 funerals was hard. The best thing i could tell you from experience is the little one there will keep you occupied and even though you will never forget your loss it will get easier in time. Just try and stay focused on what you do have because you are very blessed to be able to be a mother. Stay strong dear!

Cassandra - posted on 10/28/2009

I Dont think anyone can say anything to make you feel better i have 2 boys 8 annd 11 iam now going through a miscariage iv been to the er twice i had a ultrasound and evrything was ok then that night spotting and cramping i went to the er to here everything was fine and ended back there two days later to find out the heart beat is weak and kept stoping and starting again the doc came in and tuld us theres nothin we can do and walked out of the room its been a tough couple of days and the waiting is killing me.but i dont think there any right thing to say but time will heal and maybe go out and do something for urself get ur hair done ur nails or something try to keep busy thats what iam doing it helps a lil and iam sorry for ur lost

Crystal - posted on 10/28/2009

I had a miscarrage at 6 weeks and 5 days in March 2009.... I realized my 3 and 2 year olds were the only thing that kept me going..... I got distant from my husband and family and friends I locked myself up in the house to where I couldnt socialize with anyone... If I didnt have my kids I would had killed myself cause the pain hurt so bad... I felt useless like it was my fault... then after the guilt went away I blamed everyone else cause they didnt want it.... I became even closer with my kids I spent every minute with them to make me feel better.... It didnt take away all the pain... but it helps... Then what really made me feel good was my OB-GYN told me I could start trying again in May so me and my husband talked about it and decieded to try one more time... we both promised to each other no matter the outcome we werent going to go through it anymore.... So I got pregnant on August the 1st and I am now 14 weeks... I started bleeding at 8 weeks and although I wanted to cry I didnt I put it in the Lords hands and if he wanted me to have it I would otherwise I would just acept the children I had.... Nothing else happened and everything is going great!!! On Oct 25th was suppose to be the day my baby I lost birthday and it was really hard on me but I kept thinking of my daughter my son and my pregnant belly with a tiny mircle in it and I got through the day.... Let me tell you if your like me you wont feel better until you have another baby... but make limits for yourself before you do that way if it doesnt work out for you this time you would be more perpared for it... Just dont worry about losing it.... just put it in your mind it just might not be meant to be... But if I were you I would at least try one more time after that I would stop if it didnt happen.... That will make the pain easier to handle trust me... I still feel bad cause I lost my 3rd child but I am thankful that the Lord has given me a 4th and the 2 I have already!!!!!! I hope you find peace in what I have said nobody desevers that kind of pain!!!!!

Angela - posted on 10/22/2009

Hi, I just want to say hang in there. I lost my baby at 12 weeks. There were a lot of rough days that I didn't think I didn't want anything to do with anyone. I also at the time had two toddlers and it was hard, but I made myself get up and do stuff with them because I still had them to love and love me back. Take it one day at a time and let your little girl know everyday how much you love her. I also let them know that something bad had happened and mommy was sad, but it was going to be ok. They were very good about it.Hope things get better and you have to take care of yourself so you can take care of your daughter she will understand. Keep your family close and sometimes it may seem like they don't understand, but some people just don't know how to react.

Linda - posted on 10/21/2009

The doctors told me that my tubes were blocked and I wouldn't be able to get pregnant. We went through IVF and got pregnant with twins the first time. When our twins were 3 months old, we got pregnant on our own. I miscarried at 11 weeks. I was SO busy with the twins, I didn't have time to dwell. But 3 years later, after 3 unsuccessful tries at IVF, we got pregnant on our own, again. I miscarried at 8 weeks this time. I am very involved with my twins, and I have just kept that up. I think about my babies, anniversay dates and stuff. To top this all off, my Dad passed away on the same day as my first miscarriage, so I always think of them being together. I have strong faith in God, and I know that one day I will see my babies and my Dad again. :)

Ashley - posted on 10/20/2009

I am sorry for your loss. I have had 2 miscarriages this year twins in April and a single in July. I also have a two year old who I tried not to cry in front off, but she could sense that things were just not right. While my first miscarriage was in process I came in from outside (if I needed to cry i went out had a little cry and came in) my little monkey came to me hugged me and said "its alright mommy, I am here, I love you" All I could do was hold her so tight. Since the loss of my twins My little girl and I are almost inseparable, she makes me laugh and really does ease the pain, I find I morn in the evenings after she has gone to sleep. I noticed myself wishing time away and not living in the moment, so I made a promise to myself that I will live each day to the fullest and be thankful for what I have. Trust me its easier said then done, it is a lot of work and self talking. All the best in the future.

Kayla - posted on 10/20/2009

Hi, I am also 22 and have a 2 1/2 year old, my husband and I were trying for our next kiddo, and got pregnant but found out at my 8 week sono that there wasn't a heartbeat, I had a D&C 2 weeks ago, so I know the feelings and process that you are going thru, I am still having feelings of what could I have done differently to change the out come, but what get's me thru the day is knowing that I have a beautiful, healthy daughter that is laughing and playing and that loves me just as much as I love her. What helps me when I am feeling sad about our loss is just to pick her up and give her hugs and kisses, and then I know everything is going to be ok. My suggestion to you is just to concentrate on your toddler, when your feeling sad just hug and kiss her, and cry when you want to because it is a loss. But I think suffering a loss is a way for you to just count your blessings!

Emma Marie - posted on 10/20/2009

I am so sorry for your loss, i've been thru that same road too I had my first misscarriage in 1995 and another in 2005 and lost twins in 2006 and also had a stillbirth in 2007....its been a long hill battle for me too i've also got 2 kids, my son is 9 and dotter is 7 they lost their twin siblings and their baby bro....it was tough on 'em both, they were hoping to have a baby bro/sis for a long time and waiting patiently, we thot we were going good with the last pregnancy too but something happened, I simply made 'em understand that he went to a nice place to live and that he'll be waiting for them when its their time to journey over there, told 'em that it was baby's time becuz God wanted to keep him for us to be safe while he waits. i've took them to his gravesite too to visit and everytime we go they look down and say i love u and miss u and than look up and say i'll see u soon........so cute....juss try to make ur young one understand 'bout life and death and where ppl go....and read books to her/him as well...she'll be happy later on juss takes time and so will you :)

Amanda - posted on 10/19/2009

I lost my son at 22 weeks. I had to deliver him stillbirth. This was 8 years ago this month, and trust me I still think about the child I lost.

The best advice I was given was that "time heals." It wasn't what I wanted to hear at the time, but it is true. As time goes by you will have more memories with your daughter to help fill the void, and potentially you may have another child. All this will help take your mind off the child you've lost.

In regards to coping with a toddler. You're going to need your friends and family. You'll need some time to grieve by yourself. Ask your friends to watch your daughter for an afternoon or for the day and just have a day or two to mourn and cry and pull yourself together. She isn't going to understand what happened, and it would scare her to try and explain what did happen. Don't forget to love her and enjoy the child that you have there in your life right now.

After a few months has passed... if you want try again and enjoy trying!! Just know that whatever child you may have in the future, you wouldn't have been blessed with them had things not happened the way they did. I look at my two blessings and just am so full of joy, it helps comfort me with my own loss, even today 8 years later.

Best of luck to you and your family.

Rose - posted on 10/19/2009

Angela Ornelas hi first im sorry to hear that you don't have your babies with you physically :( awww thats so sad i dont know what to say 3 i dont know how you do it. this was the worst experience of my life i wouldnt want to go through it again or want anyone to go through the pain that we have been through. yeah that sounds beautiful and sweet i bet they would have loved it :) but i don't want to say good-bye i really dont :( if i do it will probably be the hardest thing for us. but having my family and friends would make it a whole lot special. awww thats beautiful i didn't know awww i missed it 20th oct already :( yeah i might do that thank you so much. thanks you could help me plan the service and give me ideas if you like it would be very much apprepiciated. thank you that means alot. yeah tim glad he's not alone have your sweet beautiful angels to play with. yeah i want to name our angel just not sure i mean i have this feeling was our little boy that we always wanted but i don't know :( and we always said if we have a boy he's name will be Jayden David because we lost our uncle David. thats adorable how your child talk about their sibblings. not really sure because before we found out that we were expecting another one my daughter started say sisi one day hmm so hard at 7 weeks too early. thanks so much again xx

Angela - posted on 10/18/2009

Hi. I am so very sorry for your loss. My Skylar was lost at 7weeks. I know your pain. I have lost 3 babies due to miscarriage. I found that having a service for my family and close friends helped, even though the remains were not much I still had a cremation for Skylar and I wrote my own service. I created a lasting memory that I will forever hold dear. As well as my family and friends who came. I have ordered little mementos from a cjouple of sites littleangelsonlinestore and october15th.com October 15th is the pregnancy and infant loss awareness day. I highly reccomend you do some online research also find a local support group. Please know I am here if I can help in any way. I hope this helped you somewhat, I will have you in my prayers. Just think, your precious angel is now playing with many others-including my Skylar Caden and Alex.



PS i also reccommend you name your baby. I dont refer to my angels as "lost". they have names and we use their names any time we speak of them. Even my 2 living children call their names as well. Good luck and God bless

Rose - posted on 10/18/2009

hi Abbie Anderson

yeah true i guess i did. had surgery saturday arvo so im a bit sore and have to rest atm so i cant really do anything but i do take her for a walk. when i get better i will take her where she wants to go. no doesn't sound harsh at all :) im just glad she doesn't understand what is going on that mummy lost her baby bro :( thank you so much for your help and support take care xx

Rose - posted on 10/18/2009

hi JENNIFER BANKS awwww im so sorry for your losses thank you so much i know i wouldnt be able to get through this tough time without my little girl and my family, friends who support me the most :) well i had my surgery saturday arvo and i havent cried since i just feel so much better and a nurse told me that but will always be apart of us in our heart and soul :) so i think knowing that makes me feel alot better. thank you so much for your prays means alot take care xx

Abbie - posted on 10/18/2009

YOu said it yourself, you cope with a toddler. You focus on that baby you have there in real life in front of you! You take their zest for life and go with it. Cry when you need to cry, laugh when you need to laugh.



DON'T make your toddler lose out on enjoying life because of the loss of a pregnancy. Sounds harsh maybe, but enjoy the baby you have here!!! That is what made it easiest for me. Also time heals!

JENNIFER - posted on 10/18/2009

I lost a baby girl at 20 weeks gestation, she was conceived from artificial insemination and it was the worse thing i've ever been through in my life. I can say everyday got a little better but it was in May of 1996 and I still have problems. She was our first try at artificial insemination and we tried it again that same year in September and it worked and I lost that baby at 9 weeks gestation. It was also very hard because I had no D&C and I had to lose it at home. I then did artificial insemination 16 more times and they were unsuccessful and we stopped trying in 1998 and in 2003 moved to another city and bought a new house and had everyone in the world praying for us to have a baby and we conceived in October that same year. I had to have surgery at 12 weeks gestation on my cervix and stay in the bed the rest of my pregnancy and I was able to carry my baby girl only 26 weeks gestation but she weighed 1 lb 13 ozs and did great she stayed in the NICU at Baptist Hospital in Jackson, MS for 10 weeks but is doing great. She is "My special gift from Jesus, My little Miracle, My Dream come True, My little Katie-Boo" and I never thought I could love something so much in my life. I miss my other babies but I try to see that God needed them for little angels worse in heaven than I needed them here but at the time it happened it was not easy to see that. I will be praying for you because God will carry you through all your grief and pain even if you don't want him to he will do it anyhow. I went through all the stages of grief and it was hard but I have a beautiful gift from God now. If you already had children try to just be thankful you were able to conceive easily and enjoy your other babies. It is hard for me to say how I would have been in that situation. As for my husband he grieved but not in the same way I did. He had to be the strong one in our situation. God bless you and know you have someone to talk to if you need me email me at jennyb9166@hotmail.com.

Rose - posted on 10/17/2009

sorry Cindy McGovern thanks alot for your help i had surgery yesterday so im feeling heaps better already take care xx

Rose - posted on 10/17/2009

Krista Goldie oh im so sorry thats so sad 11 weeks pregnant i don't understand why that happens being so close to 12 weeks. but i know what you mean about having the kidss to help you through the tough times. i dont know how i would cope without my little girl shes my world i love her so much. yeah shes a great helper around the house shes almost toilet trained which helps heaps but the day we found out i tried not to cry in front of her but it was so hard because my dad called that night to see how i was and just asking me brought me to tears again because he doesnt understand what it feels like to lose a child because im his one and only. when my little girl seen me crying she got me a tissue and i just thought you are such a sweetheart i wouldnt know what to do if you werent in my life i would be a total mess i so happy that i have her :) all the best for you and your girls take care xx

Rose - posted on 10/17/2009

awwww im sorry to both of you for loss thats so sad i had my surgery yesterday and a nurse ask me how many kiddies i have and i said one little girl and i lost one and she said you havent lost bub he/she is attached to you you are he/she mother and he/she will always be a part of you in your heart and soul that i can talk to him/her awww well i had a feeling that this one was our little boy and my partner was so excited he always wanted a boy so maybe when i have another one could i possible that my baby could come back to me?? yeah it helped a lot thank you so much :) i think im coping better than i expected talking about it helps me cope also i would be a mess without my little girl shes the light of my life :) shes my world but toddlers are tough they don't listen majority of the time well our little girl doesnt yeah when we first found out that we lost our bubs we were devastated and i just wouldnt let go of our little girl when i got home and cried and cried wanting our baby back :( we had a little girl in our bed for the first few nights because i couldnt let her go just wanted to hold her forever and not let her go no i still feel like i was something i did but i guess it will pass in time

Jennifer - posted on 10/16/2009

I know its very difficult I had my daughter and I was pregnant with my husbands first child I lost the baby at 12 weeks, and it was a wek after my honeymoon, it sucks but then I had my son Damien and I found out I was pregnant with him about 4 or 5 months after I had my miscarriage I always said to myself that my son Damien came back to me, but thats how I made myself feel better about this awfull sadness I had. I hope that helped a bit and just love your daughter a little extra and give her the extra hugs and kisses at night when you tuck her into bed. ~~~>~~@ But never Blame yourself what happened its not your fault I will say that!!

Krista - posted on 10/16/2009

I had a m/c at 11 weeks and I delivered twins last year at 5 months. I honestly can say that having 2 girls already, 2 and 8, helped me to cope tremendously! Especially the 2 year old because she is very attached to me, if it weren't for her I'm not sure how i would've got through. Just let her help you is all I can say. I'm very sorry for what your going through.

Cindy - posted on 10/15/2009

I know its early days & u think i will never get over this, u will never forget it , mines was 2004 i remember it like it was yesterday, i know exactly where i was & what i done. True saying time is a great healer xx Also having someone to speak to helps xx

Rose - posted on 10/15/2009

awww im so sorry for your losses. yeah i just feel so hurt at the moment wednesday i was sent for an ultrasound and they couldnt find a heartbeat :( it was most heart breaking day for us we were just so shocked. yeah it is bringing us closer together but if i didnt have my little girl i think we would both be a mess. even though i cant stop crying i guess im dealing with it the best i can. awww wow 11 month old how cute i love them at that age :) thank you so much xx

Cindy - posted on 10/15/2009

Hi, i also had a miscarriage at 7 wks, but no other children involved, if anything it brought me & my husband closer. I think sometimes it can either make or break u as a couple, plus use will need 2 b strong for Ur little girl, u will get through this, we did we went 2 have more children, unfortunately i lost a wee boy at 24 wks, but now have a little girl 11months. Its hard but u've just gt to be strong xx