did you choose burial or cremation?

Nicole - posted on 08/24/2012

I chose cremation for my daughter Ava. It was 7 months ago today that we learned that she didn't have a heartbeat. I struggle every day. for me it is very scary because Ava was a twin and thankfully her twin sister is doing great however I still don't understand her death. The autopsy said she was a healthy baby girl and now she is in heaven. I do take comfort that she is in my living room on a shelf. I also have a necklace with her ashes in it that I wear every day.

Dani - posted on 08/24/2012

i just lost my son, last week. He was born 8/12 and died 8/15 my 31st birthday. We had him buried in a tomb. We are in a different country so that's how it's done here. It was a shock, but we know where it is. It's unmarked. If we leave here, we may take him with us, but I dont think we will be leaving. I was actually taking a job 3 hours away, but i decided i want to be close to him amongst other things (it was to work in a nursery and he was going to be there with me and my 5 year old daughter). I used to think i wanted cremation for myself or my family, but our religion forbids this, and I dont know, something about it now i dont like. I am okay with him not being cremated though. I just wish that this didnt happen more than the burial or anything. There's nothing more sad and hurtful than to carry a child and then have to bury them, no matter what their age, whether delivered live or not.

Brandi - posted on 06/22/2011

We also had our daughter cremated when she passed away in Nov. This was decision that some family members didnt take very well. Reagan was stillborn and I just couldnt ever imagine her not coming home. Even though it was not the way we had planned she is still home with us. We have her ashes on our mantel along with a silk flower arrangement we had made for her services. I also had a necklace made that has some of her ashes inside and her birthstone is the cap to the tiny vessel. My husband and I are not 100% sure we are going to be staying the area we are in now, So for us having Reagan buried and having to leave her behind if we moved was not a option.

Tiffini - posted on 06/20/2011

We were in a hospital 4 states away when I lost my angel. I decided to have her cremated for the same reason as you. I couldn't see how I couldn't have atleast her ashes with me. I was able to find a beautiful heart shaped ern & a tear drop pendent. I wear her all the time & it has helped me feel like she is close to me. I also found a wonderfully understanding tattoo artist, who added some of her ashes to the ink used in her foot print tattoo. Not only was he extremely compassionate to my tender feeling but he also did an amazing job giving me an exact copy of her print that I will always treasure.

Rachel - posted on 06/18/2011

I buried my daughter personally, I think it's the parent's personal decision. The reason I buried her is because I couldn't stand the thought of her tiny body getting burned. But I respect everybody's own personal decision, it's a very hard one to make in a very short amount of time. And I do feel tied down to the town I'm in because she is buried here, I don't want to ever leave her.

Tami - posted on 06/17/2011

i had my son burried also close to were i live but i also know that he is always with me. i did a fast sercvice one day only becouse i could not handel two day and i wanted it to be as painless as i could for my daughter. i also tell my daughter her brouther is with her all the time and watches over her

Alison - posted on 06/16/2011

I lost my little boy, Ashley at 16 weeks gestation. We had a small funeral service, with him in a small wicker basket and had him cremated. A week later we buried the ashes with my mum, granny and grandad in a small grden of peace next to the church that has been part of our family for over 60 years. The may be 40 miles away but I know where they all are and can visit any time I want to. I have even taken my little girl to the place and we put some flowers down for them. I have never hidden the fact that she has a big brother too special for this earth and tell her often that Granny Sylvia is looking after him and that they are asleep together. She will be 4 next month.

Letitia - posted on 05/05/2009

We creamated our little girl so she will always be with us :)

Jennifer - posted on 05/05/2009

As hard as it was for me to "leave" my baby in the cemetary, I knew it was the best for me. If I had kept him with me I would have stayed in the sad and depressed state that I was in. I know he is in a good place, he is buried next to my grandpa and my grandma will be buried there too. My parents live a few minutes away from him so I know someoen will always be there to remember him. We visit him as often as we can, but the need to be with him all the time has passed. I think it is up to everyone to choose what is best for them. I knew for myself that keeping him around wouldn't have been a very healthy thing for me to do to myself.

DONNA - posted on 05/04/2009

I went into labor at a mere 22 weeks with our little angel, Erica Avery. She was born on November 25th, 2007, and she lived for an hour. Knowing that we were loosing her, my husband and I decided against holding her or seeing her. My best friend took lots of pictures of her that I cherish everyday. My husband did end up seeing his baby girl, and I hate everyday that I didn't see her at the hospital. We chose to bury her beside his step-dad and where is mother will be buried. I have a beautiful daughter who was 10 at the time. She chose a little white lamb she had to put with her sister. I also put a picture of my husband, myself, and our daughter together, along with her pacifier we had bought that said "Daddy's little girl". Her headstone states "our little angel" but it has a lamb on it so that our daughter has her own connection with her sister. I never thought about creamtion until now, as my husband and I have seperated my daughter and I are now an hour away from my baby girl. Leaving Erica buried there has been the hardest part of the seperation. Do I know think of having her exumed and creamated so that I can always have her with me??????????? Any replies????????????

Clarissa - posted on 05/01/2009

We buried my little Nayeli of 5 months, because my mom has just passed away before then and she always wanted to have grandchildren, but she never did get to see any of them befor she passed away. SO my baby girl is buried on top of my moms casket!!!!

Megan - posted on 05/01/2009

We decided to have our son creamated. Like many have said it would have been pointless to have had him buried b/c we moved from the location we live at the time. So we had a funneral service and had his urn in the front for everyone to see. My husband and i also picked out our own necklaces (funneral home provided catelog) he choose a cross and I choose a heart and we also put a very small amount of his ashes in the necklaces. I wore mine until I got pregnant with my son Jaocb b/c i was ready to put it away. I have a small cabinet in our living room with Everything from his death annocement to his pictures and ashes.

Jenifer - posted on 04/30/2009

Quoting Billie Jo:

When my daughter Alexis Jade was born at 30 weeks stillborn there was only one option for me and it was to have her cremated. My family is all 3 hours away (where my father is buried) and I knew I couldn't find peace burying her there...or here where we have no family. So I chose to have her cremated and her ashes as displayed next to a picture of her. I just couldn't leave her behind anywhere and want her with me. My son who is 8 now but was 5 when we lost her was at her funeral service but he never saw her..I just wasn't sure he could handle it. He is very emotional and didn't take my dad's funeral too well. He has pictures of her in his room and talks about her constantly. Every year on her birthday (and other times of the year too) we will go buy balloons and he'll let them go for her to get in heaven. Actually that has become something we do for her and my dad on birthdays and holidays.

At my sons funeral me, my husband and my two older kids let go of one red (his favorite color) balloon. Now every year on his birthday we let go of red balloons and also have a cake, and we also let go of balloons on the day he died. This has really seemed to help my children alot, they were ages 5 & 8 when their 4yr old brother died.

Jenifer - posted on 04/30/2009

My 4 yr old son died 3 yrs ago and we chose to do the burial, I now wish we had done cremation. My husbands family lives in a different state and we have talked about moving near them and I just can't do it. I don't believe your older children would feel as if they were having to CART around their brothers ashes. They would probably feel honored to have the ashes and that you want to pass them along to carry out his memory.

Kathy - posted on 04/30/2009

I have lost three babys, twins Mandy& Alan,in1970.....and Paula Diane in1989.....

I know its a long time ago, but the pain never leaves me, if anything its harder now because I imagine what they would look like now! The twins are buried with thier nan and grandad, this is a comfort because I feel they are looking after them! and Paula is buried in the local cemetery, she has a beautiful headstone with her photo on, I kiss it and talk to her ,and tell her whats happening in our lives, I take gifts of angels, cards flowers on birthdays and other special occasions. I don't think I could have had the same comfort if I had chosen cremation .

Meghann - posted on 04/29/2009

We lost one of our twins, Connor, at 6 weeks old in July 2008. We decided to have him cremated so that he would finally be home with us where he belonged. (The twins were born at 25 weeks so Connor spent his life in the NICU). We also knew that we weren't sure if we would always be in this area so burying him in a cemetary would be difficult if we ever moved away. I just couldn't bear the thought of leaving him behind. His ashes are in our living room along with the many pictures we took of him. My husband and I decided that Connor will be buried with whichever of us goes last so that his brother does not have to continue to take care of the ashes. We want Connor to always be with us, even in death.

Melanie - posted on 04/22/2009

We had our son cremated nearly 9 years ago as I wasnt ready to let him go and im still not we have a sea-chest fill of his stuff from his birth cards sympathy cards photo album favourite toys and the clothes he was wearing the day before still unwashed to save the smell of him ive put these in a snap sealed bag (the things we do) we also bought a plot at the crematorium and placed a plaque there even though hes at home in his box we visit the crematorium with the kids and place flowers down there for his birthday and a christmas decoration for christmas so does my mum and brother even though my youngest 2 never meet their brother they know where to go to see him and if we drive past they will ask if we can go see Caleb we got the plaque so people had a place to pay their respects i always light a rememberence candle for him on his birthday and on the day he died so now when the kids see that candle burning they know its for their brother and its a special day for remembering just him.

Kate - posted on 04/21/2009

Quoting Billie Jo:

Quoting Tara:

Quoting Billie Jo:

When my daughter Alexis Jade was born at 30 weeks stillborn there was only one option for me and it was to have her cremated. My family is all 3 hours away (where my father is buried) and I knew I couldn't find peace burying her there...or here where we have no family. So I chose to have her cremated and her ashes as displayed next to a picture of her. I just couldn't leave her behind anywhere and want her with me. My son who is 8 now but was 5 when we lost her was at her funeral service but he never saw her..I just wasn't sure he could handle it. He is very emotional and didn't take my dad's funeral too well. He has pictures of her in his room and talks about her constantly. Every year on her birthday (and other times of the year too) we will go buy balloons and he'll let them go for her to get in heaven. Actually that has become something we do for her and my dad on birthdays and holidays.

You are not alone when it comes to the balloons and cakes. I've posted to this conversation before but just wanted to add.. It will 6 years in june since my son was stillborn at 39 weeks. We had him buried in the babies section of a cemetary, there are many babies there and when we visit my other children tell me that the other babies are his friends and in heaven with him, every year on codys birthday we take blue white and silver helium balloons for him to catch up in heaven and we take a presant and flowers and a cake and sing happy birthday. Alot of people ask why we call it his birthday when it was also the day he passed and i tell them that he deseves a birthday just like anyone else and I'd like to think that he is somewhere up there celebrating. It also helps our other children to feel that they are doing something good for him, my three youngest were born after he passed so it helps for them to realise that he was a person and very special to us.....their big brother.

When I read about you letting balloons go it brought a smile to my face. The first year after my son went to Heaven we released 100 baby blue balloons to him and we do that for his birthdays. I get him a birtday cake every year, Christmas Bulbs with his name on it to hang on the tree. We light a special candle on his birthday. It was nice to hear someone else does the same thing I do.

Yea, for her first birthday we let go a lot of pink balloons and usually have cake or cupcakes for her birthday as well. She has quite a few ornaments on the tree at Christmas time too.. and because when I lost her was so close to Christmas the funeral home had a tree in the lobby with an ornament for everyone who had passed and they gave me Alexis's after the service.. it's a VERY nice glass angel with her name. birth and death date on a scroll that the angel is holding. I too amd glad to know I'm not alone. Thanks for sharing.

Diane - posted on 04/21/2009

My beautiful 5 month old daughter, Lauren died of SIDS in 1993. We chose to have her buried in a family plot with her great grandparents. If a family plot had not been available to us we may have chosen cremation since I had concerns about leaving her "alone," Having to make these types of decisions at such an emotional time is very difficult.

Tara - posted on 04/21/2009

Quoting Billie Jo:

Quoting Tara:

Quoting Billie Jo:

When my daughter Alexis Jade was born at 30 weeks stillborn there was only one option for me and it was to have her cremated. My family is all 3 hours away (where my father is buried) and I knew I couldn't find peace burying her there...or here where we have no family. So I chose to have her cremated and her ashes as displayed next to a picture of her. I just couldn't leave her behind anywhere and want her with me. My son who is 8 now but was 5 when we lost her was at her funeral service but he never saw her..I just wasn't sure he could handle it. He is very emotional and didn't take my dad's funeral too well. He has pictures of her in his room and talks about her constantly. Every year on her birthday (and other times of the year too) we will go buy balloons and he'll let them go for her to get in heaven. Actually that has become something we do for her and my dad on birthdays and holidays.

When I read about you letting balloons go it brought a smile to my face. The first year after my son went to Heaven we released 100 baby blue balloons to him and we do that for his birthdays. I get him a birtday cake every year, Christmas Bulbs with his name on it to hang on the tree. We light a special candle on his birthday. It was nice to hear someone else does the same thing I do.

Yea, for her first birthday we let go a lot of pink balloons and usually have cake or cupcakes for her birthday as well. She has quite a few ornaments on the tree at Christmas time too.. and because when I lost her was so close to Christmas the funeral home had a tree in the lobby with an ornament for everyone who had passed and they gave me Alexis's after the service.. it's a VERY nice glass angel with her name. birth and death date on a scroll that the angel is holding. I too amd glad to know I'm not alone. Thanks for sharing.

Do you have pictures of your daughter on your circle of mom's page?

Billie Jo - posted on 04/21/2009

Quoting Tara:

Quoting Billie Jo:

When my daughter Alexis Jade was born at 30 weeks stillborn there was only one option for me and it was to have her cremated. My family is all 3 hours away (where my father is buried) and I knew I couldn't find peace burying her there...or here where we have no family. So I chose to have her cremated and her ashes as displayed next to a picture of her. I just couldn't leave her behind anywhere and want her with me. My son who is 8 now but was 5 when we lost her was at her funeral service but he never saw her..I just wasn't sure he could handle it. He is very emotional and didn't take my dad's funeral too well. He has pictures of her in his room and talks about her constantly. Every year on her birthday (and other times of the year too) we will go buy balloons and he'll let them go for her to get in heaven. Actually that has become something we do for her and my dad on birthdays and holidays.

When I read about you letting balloons go it brought a smile to my face. The first year after my son went to Heaven we released 100 baby blue balloons to him and we do that for his birthdays. I get him a birtday cake every year, Christmas Bulbs with his name on it to hang on the tree. We light a special candle on his birthday. It was nice to hear someone else does the same thing I do.

Yea, for her first birthday we let go a lot of pink balloons and usually have cake or cupcakes for her birthday as well. She has quite a few ornaments on the tree at Christmas time too.. and because when I lost her was so close to Christmas the funeral home had a tree in the lobby with an ornament for everyone who had passed and they gave me Alexis's after the service.. it's a VERY nice glass angel with her name. birth and death date on a scroll that the angel is holding. I too amd glad to know I'm not alone. Thanks for sharing.

Tara - posted on 04/21/2009

Quoting Billie Jo:

When my daughter Alexis Jade was born at 30 weeks stillborn there was only one option for me and it was to have her cremated. My family is all 3 hours away (where my father is buried) and I knew I couldn't find peace burying her there...or here where we have no family. So I chose to have her cremated and her ashes as displayed next to a picture of her. I just couldn't leave her behind anywhere and want her with me. My son who is 8 now but was 5 when we lost her was at her funeral service but he never saw her..I just wasn't sure he could handle it. He is very emotional and didn't take my dad's funeral too well. He has pictures of her in his room and talks about her constantly. Every year on her birthday (and other times of the year too) we will go buy balloons and he'll let them go for her to get in heaven. Actually that has become something we do for her and my dad on birthdays and holidays.

When I read about you letting balloons go it brought a smile to my face. The first year after my son went to Heaven we released 100 baby blue balloons to him and we do that for his birthdays. I get him a birtday cake every year, Christmas Bulbs with his name on it to hang on the tree. We light a special candle on his birthday. It was nice to hear someone else does the same thing I do.

Billie Jo - posted on 04/21/2009

When my daughter Alexis Jade was born at 30 weeks stillborn there was only one option for me and it was to have her cremated. My family is all 3 hours away (where my father is buried) and I knew I couldn't find peace burying her there...or here where we have no family. So I chose to have her cremated and her ashes as displayed next to a picture of her. I just couldn't leave her behind anywhere and want her with me. My son who is 8 now but was 5 when we lost her was at her funeral service but he never saw her..I just wasn't sure he could handle it. He is very emotional and didn't take my dad's funeral too well. He has pictures of her in his room and talks about her constantly. Every year on her birthday (and other times of the year too) we will go buy balloons and he'll let them go for her to get in heaven. Actually that has become something we do for her and my dad on birthdays and holidays.

Tara - posted on 04/21/2009

I lost my son almost seven years ago, but I didn't have him Cremated. He was too small, I just couldn't stand the thought of that. We had a viewing just for family and friends. It wasn't my choice, it was my husbands and his family that decided that. I wanted a big cermony for him, cause I thought that he deserved it, but by the time I got out of the hospital everything was pretty much done. He is buried on top of His grandfather about 40 miles away. Up here in Northern Minnesota if you have a family member that has passed on, instead of buying a plot, you can put them with a family member. There are times I wish they had him cremated, so I could have him with me everyday, but I have him with me everyday in my heart.

Barbara - posted on 04/21/2009

Merry,



I too lost my 18 year old son Adam on July 15th but it was in 2001. We had Adam cremated. It was my husbands idea. I am so thankful we didn't bury him. I would feel tied down also. I love having him on my desk in a beautiful wood urn with a scene of a sunrise. It brings such comfort knowing he is not far. Whenever I walk by I always say "hi".

Krysti - posted on 04/21/2009

I lost twin boys 6 years ago, we had them buried together in the same casket, sharing a headstone. And I find a lot of peace there. I can go to the cemetery and be peaceful. However you are exactly right. I am stuck where i am now. We gave thought to moving out of state, but I could not leave my sons behind. Thinking back I'm not sure if I would do it differently. I really like having that place where I can go, that isn't home..I can go away, and be at peace some where else..however, had they been cremated they would be with me every where. A friend of mine lost a son, and had him cremated and then she put his ashes in a tear drop shaped pendent that she wore around neck. Which I think is a beautiful idea.

Ivette - posted on 04/21/2009

I lost my son when he was 4 yrs old and he was my life he had cerebral palsy but we buried him.it was so nice, but now i know about cremating and i regret it so much cause i will still have him. it been 14 yrs ago but i cant still get over it, it hurts so much that i still feel him near me.

Sabrina - posted on 04/20/2009

Hi. I did both with my angel, Lacie. At first she was buried not long after her death, which crushed me at that time. And I would go to her grave everyday, as I wanted to be with her. After the separation of my ex and myself, I was dammed but I was not leaving my daughter in Wyoming when I moved so far away. So I had her brought out, and I had a cremation done to her. I wanted to be there, when they brought up her little coffin, but the guys from the funeral home would not allow me to. They said it can be very hard sometimes. But now, some of her ashes are in a wind chime, that I keep inside and the rest are put away. But whenever the chimes ring, I know she is thinking of me. :)

Stacey - posted on 04/20/2009

August 16, 2009 will be the second angelversary since we lost our 13 year old daughter Courtney Ann. I personally have always very much been against creamation; in fact, I've often said when my time comes, I dont care what they choose to do with my body as long as they dont burn me. We buried our baby in the same cemetery that her grandparents will be in and her great-grandparents are in. She is only about 10 minutes from home and I visit her frequently. We also have lots of places in our home that are set up in her memory including a curio cabinet that we bought with some of the money that we received during her wakes and funeral. Her cabinet is very sacred to me and is in our living room.

Kate - posted on 04/20/2009

ooops i meant she chose a rattle!

Kate - posted on 04/20/2009

I lost my little boy in June 2003. He was stillborn and we chose to bury him. We felt it was important for our daughter to have a special place to visit him. I know that we could've had a special place no matter what but we didn't think she would grasp the concept of him being cremated.We let her choose a toy to put in the coffin with him(she chose a attle that used to be hers) and we gave him a teddy as well as a card from us all. Mostly it helped her to say goodbye by watching him be buried and we always visit the cemetary, taking flowers and toys and balloons etc. Our house is full of photos of our little boy and we have candles and angels around the place. We now have 3 more boys and we always talk about their brother in heaven. They know that he is always in our hearts and that we don't need his ashes to know that he is always with us.

Priscilla - posted on 04/20/2009

I lost my first son, I don't even see him. He was buried before I woke up. For many years I had a sort of feelings that I coundn't explain. Now, I feel peace when i think about it, I find out that my fury was because my husband didn.t wait for me to see him. Today I don't like to visit cementeries. I always stay outside. And about your child's ashes, i think you should buried them. And put a lot of beautiful flowers around. And be sure that someday you will see him again.

Lisa - posted on 04/20/2009

i lost one of my twin sons at 3 days old my husband and i chose to have him cremated and we have his ashes at home with us,people keep saying that we should scatter them or have then buried in a plot,its our choice and at the moment we like having him close to us i think it has to be personal choice on deciding whats best because everyone feels different and has different views on deciding what to do when you have lost something so precious in your life x

Belinda - posted on 04/17/2009

We lost our daughter almost 10 years ago and we chose to bury her. The reason we chose that is because we thought wed be in that town forever. I wish now that we would have chose the other route.

Kath - posted on 04/17/2009

Hi Kim, I lost my daughter Kelly age 20 in 98 and my son Damien in 2004, I had them both cremated and kept Kelly,s ashes for a few years in the house, but when Damien died we decided to scatter their ashes in a beautiful spot in the Cuillin Hills in Skye, where my estranged husband had had them climbing a few years earlier, we also erected a memorial stone and embeded it on a beautiful rock beside the stream where their ashes were scattered. We visit once a year and take a flower up to them and say a prayer and I also bring up kellys son Dylan who is now 11, so he comes with us and pays his respects too. So sorry for your loss xx

Kim - posted on 04/17/2009

I am glad I am not the only one who is holding onto ashes, my family thinks we need to spread them but I am just not ready. thank you all so much for responding to my question I was afraid when I asked it people would be offended. but your honesty has help me to understand that I am not alone, thanks!!!

Merry - posted on 04/16/2009

My son passed away on July 15, 2008, he was only 18 years old. I couldn't have him cremated or buried in the ground. He is in a mausoleum. My daughter likes to keep a picture on the wall of the mausoleum so people who pass by that don't know him will know how handsome he is.

Linda - posted on 04/16/2009

My name is Linda our son passed away July 13,2008 he was 19 yrs old it was just 9 months. Very hard to handle on a daily base's. We had our son cremated, because he was just too young for me to bury, I can not put him in the ground,he should have never died before me it is just not he way it is suppose to happen. I can not part with him, I light a candle next to him everyday, I talk to him all the time, I have his picture there with his ashes. I did have a funeral but no burial. We are going to build a pond out back in my yard outside my kitchen window in memory of him. We live in Sarasota Fl he loved fish, water nature so to me this will be a part of our son I can sit out there at the bench and fireplace to visit with him when I need to feel close to him. Life sucks without my baby boy, I still have a beutiful daughter Nicole who had a daughter they live with us. If it was not for them I think my husband and I would go crazy. Linda

Libby - posted on 04/14/2009

We lost our daughter at 20 weeks, she was stillborn.  I chose to have her cremated.  But I guess I never really thought there was any other choice.  We were told the hospital can cremate and then bury at a cemetary in a masoleum with other babies.  Or we could chose to contact a funeral home.  For me there was no choice.  I didn't want my baby buried with other babies.  I wanted to be able to know EXACTLY where my child was.  Whether it be in her own grave or home with us in her urn.  Right now we still have her urn home with us.  She only passed away in December, so we haven't really had much time to think about a burial at this point.  I do want her buried with us one day.  My friend's parents actually have offered to give us 3 of their plots because they have more than enough for their entire family, and that way we'd always be with her.  I thought that was sweet.  We haven't discussed it any further at this point.  But I think either way, we will have her with us.

Cynthia - posted on 04/14/2009

I lost my lil girl TommyLynn in 2001. she was stillborn. I chose to have her cremated because i was not one to stay in one area too long. Her father and I separated and I have her ashes in a lil urn that sits on a shelf in her new little sisters room. It was a hard decision and I lost some friends and family members over it. I want her to be near me and i couldn't bare the thought of moving away and not being able to go to her grave and visit whenever I needed to.

Kim - posted on 04/14/2009

Kathy i feel the same way, I like having Matty with us , we have also moved twice since his death and I love the fact that I did not have to worry about "leaving" him.
kim

Kathy - posted on 04/14/2009

I lost my little girl almost 7 years ago now....she was still born, and we had a family only service and we had her cremated. we have the ashes at home with us and we have photos of Georgia around. I did not want to scatter them anywhere either, I wanted to keep them close to us. We have moved a few times since we lost Georgia and I am so glad that we can just take her ashes with us when we move....maybe later we might do something with us, but at the moment we are happy with having her with us.

Tammy - posted on 04/14/2009

I had my son cremated because I want him with me wherever I go. I could not bear "leaving" him.

Dawn - posted on 04/13/2009

we lost are daughter jade in 2001 aged 10 we had her buried the thought of her being burnt i couldnt. i visit all the time and find it a comfort i have two boys ther didnt see jade after she passed away .they came to service and and were rearly good..i talk a lot about jade she still a big part of me we have a family plot and i will be with her again one day x

Tracy - posted on 04/13/2009

My boys were cremated and buried with my grandparents in a family cemetery. When I did, they are to be moved to my plot. My family has been buried here for several centuries, so it doesn't quite feel like I'm leaving them alone if I do move across the country.

Leanne - posted on 04/13/2009

Hi,my lil al passed away jan 07 and we kinda had both,my partner wanted to have her buried as all his family were buried but im the other way,my personal thoughts well lets say im sceared of the dark so to have the best of both worlds we brought a plot and had her cremated. We buried some ashes and others i went ta a park and scattered sum under a tree so she is free in the wind now to play were she likes.

I belive a child u have lost will follow u were ever u go so i no if i live my house now nd move witch we plan 2do my lil girl will b with me no matter were i am.

xx

Nicole - posted on 04/13/2009

We lost our little girl 2 years ago. We had her cremated because our lifestyle is that we move house (and country) a lot. I wanted her with us wherever we were. We've scattered some of her ashes into the roots of two trees - one was planted at my husband's family's holiday home and the other is in a pot that we can take with us wherever we move. The rest are still in the urn. I originally thought we'd scatter them all, but now I'm really comforted by having them with us. We don't display them - they're above our bed, on top of our headboard (our headboard has a shelf thing incorporated into it). In the long term, I don't know what we'll do with them, but I no longer feel the urge to make that decision now. I'm happy to just let whatever happens happen, if you know what I mean.

We did have a large funeral service though. Although it was awful to sit through, I think it was a very positive service, and provided closure for a lot of our friends and family. We didn't have a public viewing - in fact, the only people to see Zoe dead were my husband and I , and our other daughter.

We hadn't planned on letting her see her sister because she was only 16 months old at the time thought it would be too traumatic, but the bereavement counsellor told us it was important. I'm so glad we did, because although I doubt she will remember anything, at the time, I was so aware of how it helped her to understand why we were all so upset. I also think she 'got it' at some level - that Zoe was in heaven and wasn't coming home with us. Even now, she talks about her 'sister Zoe who's in heaven'. It made me realise that we often under-estimate what children are able to process or understand. When we planted the trees she also helped us with that, and again, I think it was important for her to do so, because it involved her in a family grief, even if she doesn't personally feel the grief. I think it helped to bind us together as a family even more.