Didnt have the chance to see or hold my baby

Amanda - posted on 05/20/2010

I can relate to you. I have 2 beautiful children and was shocked to find out we were expecting number 3. I miscarried on march 16th at 11 weeks pregnant and feel absolutely devastated. The hardest part is explaining to the kids aged 4 and 8. The only way i could think to do it was tell them babies grow inside us like plants and just like plants unfortunately they stop growing. Not sure if this was the right explanation but it seemed to work with my two. I did not want to use the words death or sleeping etc in case they were afraid. It is so hard. The jealousy of pregnant women is the hardest. Like someone said especially when they are the same as you would have been. This week i am finding tough as i was due for the twenty week scan. I really want to try again but my body is not returning back to normal just yet. I don't seem to be ovulating? Can anyone give me a time scale please on how long it took them? Thank you x

Barbara - posted on 05/19/2010

Hi Amanda.
I have two grown biological children, two adopted little ones and a grandchild. Between the two older ones, in 1983, I miscarried at 16 weeks, although my little one had stopped developing at 12 weeks. I didn't get to see or hold my little one either and I still often wonder. I know this may be no comfort to you in your grief, but although the memory is always there, the pain does subside.

Anita - posted on 05/16/2010

After waiting for 12 years for my wonderful husband, we found out in April of 2009 that we were pregnant. I was involved in a car accident at 9 weeks, found out that my Hcg levels were dropping, the ultrasound showed a double yolk sac that was only at 5 weeks gestation. I am coming up on 1 year(05/21/09) of the loss of my twins. Then in August of 09 we were pregnant again. A week after finding out, we lost that one too. Even though I am at 32 weeks, I still think of the lost ones every day. Due dates and loss dates are hard, but we get by. The Great Spirit has a reason for every drop of rain. My husband and I had wedding bands tattooed on our left ring fingers, and my husband designed it where the "clasp" on the back is a heart to represent out lost little loves. A Holy Man once told him that it is appropriate because having survived that loss together is the "clasp" in our relationship. Hang on, for the Great Spirit does bring sun after the rain to make the flowers grow.

Amanda - posted on 05/07/2010

Thank you all so much for your reply it really helped me out to talk to others about my loss.. i was getting tired of hearing im sorry for your loss and people not really understanding where i was coming from. Once again thank you

Amy - posted on 05/06/2010

Being on here has really made a difference for me. I think just reading and talking to others that know how you are feeling helps you cope in a way. I was further along when i lost my baby, 25 weeks, but i think just knowing that you had a baby and us being mothers and loving them from the minute we find out about them makes it that much harder. Just know that we all know how you feel and are here for you!

Sandra - posted on 05/06/2010

It is very hard. No matter how far along you are in your pregnancy, you are forming hopes and dreams for you child to come. That loss is not only an emotional loss, but physical as well. Not holding that child is a physical longing that nothing can quite replace. With time, the longing will become less intense. That is about all I can say, other than I am so sorry for your loss.

Tamlyne - posted on 05/06/2010

I know how you feel I have one son of four and we found out two months ago that we were expecting our second, we went for the scan two weeks ago only to find out that I had a miscarage due to a blightened ovum. I was 9 weeks at that time and the baby passed at 7 weeks, it is very hard still as I have a co worker who fell pregnant the same time as me and her pregnancy is fine. My son on the other hand was alright as we told him that we made a mistake about the pregnancy, I think he kinda knew something was wrong as he still told me mommy I know the baby died and he is only four, still trying to cope but I always think there is a reason why God took that baby as there might of been something wrong with it like down syndrome or something alse that I could not handle, there are reason for his doing is how I have learnt to cope, and I'm sorry for lose, just think there is always a reason why, wejust don't know it! Good luck in the future!!!