Does it bother you when a pregnant mom makes a comment "as long as he/she is healthy?"

Renee - posted on 12/04/2012

I had a stillborn the day before my due date and that my first pregnancy (I was in labor for 11 hours and everything). I am now pregnant again, and when I say I just want a healthy baby. I mean I just want a baby to come out of me alive. I feel that saying "I just want a baby that's alive" is rather harsh, and comes off the wrong way. Especially since most of the time it's someone I barely know asking me whether or not I want a boy or a girl, and I don't feel like going into all the details of my previous pregnancy. I usually answer them back that I do not have a preference, and sometimes I might say I want a healthy baby, but because from the depths of my heart I want a healthy baby. I want a million dollars, but that's just some thing I want, it does not mean I will get it. I understand your frustration, because I feel a lot of women take for granted "normal" pregnancies, and completely healthy babies. But know that statement probably comes from women who have experienced heartache too, and just truly want a healthy baby.

Amelia - posted on 11/27/2012

yes. This bugs me too. Our son Ryan was medically complicated and fragile his whole 13+ yrs. I loved him no matter his health. People just don't think. they are saying they hope the baby is healthy but they just can't understand how naive that statement is.

Erinlee - posted on 07/09/2012

I said it out of politeness to others that didn't know about my loss but what I ment behind that statement was I just want a baby that's born.

Katherine - posted on 07/08/2012

I have lost a son. Would you prefer they say- I want a boy at all costs? It isn't an insult. I say it, meaning all I wish for is a child here blessed with good health. Every parent wants their child to be healthy. I don't wish any parent go through what I have and while I recognize every child has worth, I wish I could wave a magic wand and every child be healthy. I personally find the facebook post going around saying something to the effect that 'I must be a good parent, all my children are alive' to be an incredible slap in the face. We all know that there are horrible child abusers out there with all kids, and good parents missing a child.

Kaisha - posted on 06/30/2012

Hi there,

I think generally people say it meaning well, of course everyone would love their child infinitely - clean bill of health or not. I just think they mean they wish their child to not have to suffer any ill health? A child in my direct family has a mass of health issues from birth, and I know what I would give to be able to take them all away and save her the pain :(

Cherish - posted on 06/26/2012

Amanda,
What do you do?You deal with it,what can we do?Some babies are healthy and have NO issues,some are not...But most babies are fine.We live in a small-ish town,(about 7000 people).In our district there are about 7 "severe needs" kids(including mine) in pre-k to 6th grade,so I think that most people do not think that there is a chance the baby will have on going "differences"...But now I NEVER say "as long as it is healthy" because even tho I would mean well,if the baby has something "wrong",it's hurtful,and most moms wont say "well actually my baby has...."

Amanda - posted on 06/26/2012

Cherish,
I think that makes sense now. You are right, what if they are not? What do you do?

Cherish - posted on 06/26/2012

I think I understand what you are saying...
My youngest has developmental and medical issues...
When people say "as long as he/she is healthy" I think to myself " ya what if they are not...",ya know,it's hard to explain,but is that what you are saying?

Amanda - posted on 06/25/2012

Kendra,
First of all, I am sorry for your losses. I cannot fathom what you are going through. I have suffered a miscarriage, but I know that is not the same.

However, I am uncertain of your question and why that statement bothers you.