Ashley - posted on 03/26/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )
Well, this is my first time talking on this site and i feel like if i talk to someone who understands how i feel and what im going through, i will start to understand myself and the way that i feel more than right now. On July 17th,2007, I gave birth to twin boys and one made it and the other didnt. It was an emergency C-Section due to the death of "twin b". At the time of the delivery, I didnt really face reality that i had lost a child because i had birthed a child as well and didnt feel like he deserved to not get the attention that he was entitled to. I have been trying to stay strong for my son but i have found myself crying more than i usually do. Sometimes I watch my son sleep and just cry. Lately, things have been getting worse. My son is very energenized so we were at lunch the other day and a woman commented on how much energy he has and how im lucky that it wasnt twins. At the time, I just held it in until i got in the car and just cried all the way home. I dont know why god would want to punish anyone and make them feel the way that i do everyday. Anyways, I need to know if it gets better as the years pass cause I dont want to deal with this pain for the rest of my life. I feel like im not loving my son the best i can cause when i look at him, I think about his brother all the time.