Does time really heal the pain after losing your child???????

Prudence Busisiwe - posted on 06/03/2013

prudence

i lost my son in april he only lived for few days after he was born he was so amazing as he was my first born, i was so happy when i saw him for the first time after his death my life changed completetly the pain that i feel everyday my husband even took photo of him and kept them at our computer for memory and i cant even use the computer becouse seeing him makes me to hurt even more, he doesnt want to delete them. honestly speaking no one deserve to feel this pain i lost myself when he died my life will never be the same. i believe that God can see our pain and he is the only comfoter that we need and we will pull through even if is not knw but one day.

Nakiria - posted on 05/30/2013

i lost my presious daughter six weeks ago and the pain is still very fresh in my heart. every time i pray to God to give me the strength to move on. but when i remember the negligence of the nurses, the pain and anger just comes afresh

Linda - posted on 05/08/2013

No. What time does is it makes dealing with everyday life easier, but the pain will be always there. My 16 year old daughter went to heaven 1.5 years ago. Not a day or a moment goes by that she is not on my mind in some form. The one gift I would love to receive is the one I cannot have. Her memory will be with me always.

Linda - posted on 04/29/2013

I also lost my daughter to breast cancer ,she was young and had two babies ,she had triple neg breast cancer ,I`m angry and mad ,she was almost three years out ,and she went to the James Cancer center ,they didn`t do scans ,they told her if something lasted over two weeks go see about it ,she got a back ache and stomach hurt ,she went to the ER and then they did a scan and it was in her Liver lungs and Brain ,and stomachlining ,all through her ,I watched her suffer ,they gave her Radation to the Brain ,then she couldn`t walk ,and 2 Chemo treatments ,she lived a month and two weeks ,I feel like they should have watched her closer ,she was beautiful ,she thought she was healed ,I cry every day ,and her kids are having a hard time also! Linda

Robin - posted on 04/29/2013

Firstcandle.org looks like it might be a helpful website. I was able to find type of support group thing even in my county. I'll post more about it if its useful. I found it very hard to find what I'm looking for online, when it comes to help for all this!!

Robin - posted on 04/29/2013

I'm not sure how forums work so I apologize in advance for any mistakes I make. I guess I am sharing with whoever is on here. Heather Dear made the most resent post so hopefully we can help each other some how. I lost my 4 month old son on April 12, 2013. He was a healthy baby. He did not die of SIDS. And the state I live in cause of death takes up to six months to find out. We just had his service Friday afternoon. My son was my fourth child, and if it wasn't for God, my husband and my other three children I don't know where I'd be. My emotions are like a roller coaster. And not one I want to be on. I know God wont give me more then I can handle, so I am trying to ask God for the strength I need to get through this. I know there won't be a day that goes by that I won't hurt. But I do have faith that it will get easier to handle. When I was googling looking for help for what I'm feeling this was one of the first things I saw. And I hate that there are so many moms on here that hurt as much as I do. I wouldn't wish this pain hurt torture tragedy on anyone. I made a promise to myself and my family that good would come from us losing him!! God doesn't make these bad things happen but he can help good come from them.

Heather - posted on 04/28/2013

I just lost my 2 baby boys 9 and 6 April 7 2013 in a house fire. My husband and I haven't been married a year till may and together we have 6 kids, him 3, me 2 and us 1. Our daughter is only 7 months. That night there were 8 kids and the two of us in the house,my god kids came to stay the night for the first time 5 yr girl and 4 yr boy. Only 5kids and my husband and I made it out. my oldest son almost was out and turned around for his little brother and my god son. I wasn't breathing when they pulled me out and was brought back with mouth to mouth and taken to icu. I feel so many things, I'm pissed off,I'm sad, I'm confused,I'm jealous of my husband bc MY kids didn't survive,I feel guilty I did wake up sooner and get dveryone out. All I do is cry, my boys were my life, the last 9 years they haven't left me but long enough to go to school. I'm so lost without them and I don't think I can ever get through this!!!! Any advice is appreciated I just need to hear from moms who know the pain from losing their child or children ...

Tersia - posted on 04/27/2013

I cannot possibly give you an answer. My precious child died 100 days ago. I am so scared I will never feel better.

April - posted on 04/22/2013

Hey it's been 6 years to the day tomorrow that I lost my son. He was still born I carried full term and was told I had a text book pregnancy when I had aske to give birth early the doctor said u can wait and my baby died I can't seem to cope with it and its been this long. Is this normal?? I'm still with his father it i feel like I can't talk to him about ANYTHING I miss my baby so much there were. Times. When I thought death would be easier. Any answers would be greatly apriciated My heart goes out to ALL you parents who have lost a child




I have one more question. Would it be wrong to shy away from my daughter and boyfriend to seek counseling?

Angela - posted on 04/17/2013

Hello Kelly I am new on here my beautiful 26 year old daughter died last year after giving birth to my grandson she hadn't even been married a year. She had cardio myopathy peri partum but they treated her for pneumonia, I have no husband as he left two years earlier and when she passed my whole life fell apart I could not understand how people could carry on as normal did they not know what had happened. I have just read your story and my heart goes out to you and your family I don't know where the strength comes from to just carry on with our lives without our precious child but it does I can't say I care or enjoy life like I used to but my little grandson gives me so much joy and I am grateful for the blessing of him . I pray your life will get easier and more bearable and that you find peace
Bless you
Angela herdman

Angela - posted on 04/17/2013

Hello Kelly I am new on here my beautiful 26 year old daughter died last year after giving birth to my grandson she hadn't even been married a year. She had cardio myopathy peri partum but they treated her for pneumonia, I have no husband as he left two years earlier and when she passed my whole life fell apart I could not understand how people could carry on as normal did they not know what had happened. I have just read your story and my heart goes out to you and your family I don't know where the strength comes from to just carry on with our lives without our precious child but it does I can't say I care or enjoy life like I used to but my little grandson gives me so much joy and I am grateful for the blessing of him . I pray your life will get easier and more bearable and that you find peace
Bless you
Angela herdman

Peggy - posted on 04/11/2013

I lost my 16 year old son in jan. He was my life. He was my baby. It is the worse kind of pain you could imagineI dont think I will ever get over it

Kelly - posted on 04/11/2013

I lost my son Nick 3 weeks ago today, he was 28 yrs old, very happily married, not even 2 yrs. with a beautiful 11 month old son and step daughter he raised since she was 1 yr old. He was being treated for pneumonia..was pumped full of antibiotics, and given more to take home. He kissed his wife, baby & daughter goodnight and slept on the sofa, so he wouldn't make them sick. When my daughter n law woke at 7 am, she found him on the bathroom floor. My sweet granddaughter had to see the paramedics working on her Daddy, he didn't make it to the hospital before he was gone. I got a frantic phone call and 5 minutes later I felt my son leave this life. I am so angry with God, my faith is gone, my heart is broken and I feel as if I'll never recover from this. My son lived 700 miles away, but we spoke everyday,we did FaceTime 3 days a week, he was born when I was 16, we grew up together. He was my dearest friend. I can't look at photos of him, I cry all day and I can barely function. I Began grief therapy today, I hope it helps. My husband is to worried about me to grieve for himself. I just don't understand how this could happen? Nick was a well loved man and a man who loved deeply, he was kind and generous. Why take him when there are so many awful people still walking around breathing? I use to be afraid of death, now I'm not..because someday I know I'll see my baby again. I know I'll never be the same, there is a hole in my heart, I just hope it heals enough that I can smile again without feeling horribly sad because my son can't smile back.

Peggy - posted on 04/07/2013

I lost my precious son Jan10th of this year. He was 16 and it was totally unexpected. I feel like I am losing my mind at times. I know my Jesse is in heaven and I will see him again. I now have to find a way to re-invent who I am.Its very lonely.

Anita - posted on 03/17/2013

Thank you for allowing me to read your tears. I thought i should be over the loss, emptiness of my daughters death. I cannot talk to my family about this. Perhaps i have too much time on my hands. I am a widow and do not have someone to lean on. So i thoughti would try this site. My heart bleeds for you as well. i have never been on this site before until now today March 2013. My daughter passed June 29th, 2010. I watched her slowly die at her bedside. I had to go to another place in the house because i could not see her or feel her stop breathing. I have never been to therapy or a cancer support group. I felt that they would think i was hanging on and to move on with my life. It is so difficult to move on, when she was the only person in the world i could confide my deepest feelings or concerns.

Anita - posted on 03/17/2013

yes it was. However, i would like to hear from those who lost their daughter to breast cancer. She was my oldest. My best friend. First born of 4 daughters. My life seems to have no meaning since her death. I am a single mom

Dawn - posted on 03/04/2013

I lost my son 6 months ago. He was a 16th yrs. We don't know what cause his death. We still waiting for the postmortem report he was a healhty boy. he complained about chest pains took him to hospital he died before we got to the hospital. I am so angry toward my husbun It feels like he took to long to get to the hospital sometime (most times) it feels like he just is visiting my fam and id back home soon

Kayla - posted on 02/16/2013

i lost two of my sons due to a house fire Godis good but my pain is still tjer i miss them so much they were my life but i still jave their little brother Terry n that's who keeps me strong because no one can love your more than his mother i just ask god to jeal him and don't let him go through the pain that i am feeling because he doesn't deserve that he was 3 when it happened and he remember everything so god heal us please

Desirea - posted on 01/08/2013

It's hurt, anger and recentment. It's awful and i don't think anyone should ever have to endure loosing a child. Those who have their children safely home and in their beds right now are so lucky that they don't even realize how lucky they are. because anyone who experiences it would give their last breath to have their children back@

Desirea - posted on 01/08/2013

You don't ever get over it. It's with you everyday. It's never going to be the same again and some parents handle it differently. For me, I can't ever see myself living life normally again. It's a depression and an unfamiluar place to be in. It's complete and utter pain. It's torture and to be honest almost impossible to get out of bed. I think over time you just become numb to the pain but you never get over it.

Mary - posted on 12/19/2012

We lost our son 4 days before Christmas. 2 19 year old kids were street racing and one lost control and went over the median to where our son was driving the car went airborne and landed on our son killing him instantly he didn't know what hit him the 19 year old was going over 100 mph. My sons daughter was 2 years old at the time. She wants her daddy. This was December 21, 2007. You think 5 years and we should have a grip feels like yesterday. Changes you forever. If we didn't have another son and granddaughter we wouldn't be here. Very stressful. It saddens me to know all the people who have lost a child. I have a sister. A friend and recently a friends sister. All lost a child. It never gets easy. I feel resentment. I was the person friends wanted to be like since I celebrated everyday every little moment I appreciated. I know we all wish we could go back in time Rob we miss you.

App+7mnejhu - posted on 08/29/2011

For me time has made no difference...I lost my little girl 23 years ago, (she only lived for 11 hours), the pain is as raw today as it was then...I now have a wonderful 11 year old boy and we talk about her sometimes and on her birthday do something together simple quiet but special...

Verlene - posted on 08/17/2011

I lost my only child Naythan Kenney from a accidental drug over dose ,he was 34, the day that he died i was cut off from seeing my grandson so it felt like 2 deaths, it will be 3 years Sept 20TH and i still cry every day, i miss his hugs & kisses ,, i miss his smell and i miss my grandson growing up , he was 4 when i last saw him and now he is 7 1/2 years old , he lives only 3o min away ,he was my happiness, i feel so lonely and alone at times even though i have loved ones near. . The pain does not get much easier, i was a single mother most of Nate's life and we were so close. I can still hear him say ....Hi Mama . Sometime i beg the lord to HELP ME ,, i feel so isolated and alone at times. Verlene

Kerry - posted on 04/11/2010

The moment you give birth to your child you are linked by love, therefore you can never forget your child, the aching, pain, sadness and confusion we feel is all linked to that of love, your child could of passed yesterday or 10+ years ago and the whole in your heart will still be as fresh as the day your childs life was sadly taken away from you.

i am so sorry for for all of your losses, i have had a couple of miscarraiges and they were painfull enough for me, but as afr as holding, loving and knowing your child to end up losing them i couldn't imagine what that must be like,

my sympathy and thoughts go to you all and your families
xxx

Janet - posted on 04/10/2010

You will never get over it but you will get used to it. For me, it was hard to talk to people about my loss but I was able to write about it. I kept the journal private and sometimes I look at it. I still cry for my lost daughters after more than 12 years and I think of them everyday but the pain has lessened. You will find ways to keep her in your heart while leaving room for joy in your life.

Tonesa - posted on 04/09/2010

just like everyone says time makes it easier to manage but the pain, the hurt will never go away. Im not angry anymore, and there was actually one time in the last 6 years i was actually able to go through his diaper and onesie he wore and actually smile and not cry but I very much miss my Jaylin

Barbara - posted on 03/13/2010

Melissa it is way too soon for you to be so hard on yourself. I too believe everything happens for a reson and it took me 2 years to figure it out. My son was 18 and died in a car accident. It has been 8 1/2 years. I have finally found purpose and meaning in my life. It takes TIME to find our way and what we are supposed to do with this tragedy but you will. Find the people who are your comfort people and let them help you. I hate the phrase "time heals all wounds" but I have to say after 8 1/2 years it is true. We all take different steps on our journey and you will find your way. Don't be so hard on yourself. I wish oyu peace in your heart as you continue on your journey.

Tabitha - posted on 03/13/2010

I had a one and a half year old son named Taylor and I gave birth to my second born, Tanner. He was born on a Friday so we were stuck at the hospital until Monady, March 12th 2007. He was beautiful and healthy. In the early early hours of that monday morning, he quit breathing. The nurse came in to do a standard vital sign check and his skin was blue and he was cold to the touch. They were able to revive him and he lived on life support for about a week. The doctors finally said there was no hope for recovery and that it was time. So March 19th 2007 I held him as his nurse turned off his machines.

My pain at times is just as fresh and raw as it was the moment he passed away. Others that all seems like a distant memory, almost unreal. I would love to tell you that everything will be ok and that it eases over time, but I can't. I still cry myself to sleep sometimes, praying for one more chance to hold him.....I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope we can all find our own ways of coping with our grief....

Emily - posted on 03/12/2010

Time changes things. Our hearts and minds have a miraculous coping capabilities, and all they need is some time to find them and use them. I lost my daughter at 30 weeks. Her heart stopped beating, and the doctors couldn't figure out why. No defects, no cord around the neck, nothing. I just had to deliver her, silent and still, and then try to figure out a way to keep breathing. Sometimes it comes down to something as simple as that. Taking your next breath. Then, sometimes, the minutes pass without your lungfuls of air hurting like your chest is going to implode. After a while, a trip to the grocery store won't end in tears. It took me YEARS before I could bear to look at a pregnant woman, including my own sister. It was UNFORGIVABLE to me that they would be able to keep their babies while I was left standing with empty, aching arms. Gradually, we become able to withstand more and more without dissolving into our grief. Let the joy of your living daughter fill your heart, hold her close, and remember the sister, but celebrate the life you hold in your arms. That's what I do now with my 2 year old, who never did get to meet her big sister.

Wendy - posted on 03/11/2010

For me i still remember my daughter like it was yesterday, i still cry just thinking of her and how she would look and how happy she would be if she were here, but i know where she is now in God's hands she's still happy and for the longest time we never had a name for her cause it was to sudden, so one day we were looking up in the sky one night and said a prayer for her and at that moment we knew we would of named her starr cause she was our light our starr we were praying to, and yes for me i feel it was hard to even think of having another child but because of her we never gave up and now we have 3 children who know about her and everyday we live for her it has been a hard topic for us but we still and always will remember her. It has been 15 years but no matter what whenever we see the star's at night we know starr will always be with us. I feel time does go on but the pain we went through is now our time to heal

Janie - posted on 02/28/2010

THE PAIN WILL NEVER GO AWAY , IT WILL GET EASIER. MY SON WOULD BE 6 APRIL 20TH. HE PASSED AWAY AT 19 DAYS OLD. HE HAS AN OLDER SISTER 9 A YOUNGER SISTER 4 WITH THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS HIM, AND A BROTHER THAT IS 3. MY OLDEST DAUGHTER HAS TOLD THE LITTLE ONES ALL ABOUT HIM AND THEY TELL EVERYONE ABOUT HIM. WE ALL TALK ABOUT HIM EVERYDAY...

Sara - posted on 02/28/2010

i am coming up on the 5th anniversary of when we had to terminate our child's life. our baby had anencephaly and would never have survived. i have in the last 5 years gone through major depression, a nervous breakdown and intense counseling. i am finally starting to come out the other side. the end of march is very hard on me, and it is extremely hard to see pro life people protesting, like they were in front of the ER when we had to take our daughter in last week for a dislocated knee. this wasn't my choice to lose my baby. it had already been decided, by one small cell that didn't form the right way... it has gotten a little easier. my son and youngest daughter are the lights of my life. i feel bad for my oldest who remembers me before and now sees me after... keep taking it day by day... hour by hour... minute by minute if you have to. one day it won't engulf your entire day and you will be able to breathe just a little bit. look for those days... cherish those days... soon those will outweigh the cloudy ones.

Tara - posted on 02/28/2010

It takes a lot more time for the pain to ease when you lose a child than when you lose someone else such as a parent or grandparent. I lost my son, Jason over 11 years ago and while I still cry over him, it's not as often as before. In my experience, the pain was extremely raw for the first 5 years and from then on, things got a little easier. Losing a child is something we never fully get over though. I'm sure talking on these chat sites with others who have had the same experience will help also. So sorry for your loss :)

Sharon - posted on 02/27/2010

Time is a great healer. You do get stronger as time goes by. You learn to deal with the pain and it does get easier but just takes time. I lost my baby son 16 years ago on 25 February and I thought I was OK but the special birthdays are the worst.



I felt totally fine all day until at night on his 16th birthday then I sat and cried for 1 hour solid and couldn't stop. The hurt never goes away it just gets easier to live with through time. I am so sorry for your loss. xxx

Ericka - posted on 02/26/2010

No the pain never goes away. I lost my son Elias almost two yrs ago. I still have my good days and bad days. My son was born at 28 weeks and passed away 15 days after he was born. I have to still deal with the fact of never bringing him home, and knowing that I'm missing out on so much. He has a little sister that is almost 4 months and I hate that fact that I can't raise my children together.

Emily - posted on 02/26/2010

I honestly think the pain will always be there, but the pain is also in the memories that we have for our lost children.I had a similar situation and was also there so all the surguries both my little ones had.But i cheerish every moment i had with her.And i think of hereveryday.

Michell - posted on 02/26/2010

No....the pain never ever goes away ever....my son Zachary who I lost 02/21/2003, he was stillborn, I still miss so much and I still cry all the time because it hurts so bad. I have a 4yr old son now his name is Brandon, and he is my life and he knows all about his Brother Zachary. But the pain will never go away....time helps a little but never fully

Anne - posted on 02/25/2010

It does get better, but you will always miss them and the broken hopes of their life. We still talk about Kaija-Willow who passed away from Leigh's disease complications at 6 months....she would be 8 this April. Her younger siblings know and ask questions about her.

Cassie - posted on 02/25/2010

My son Duane died when he was 19 of a heroin overdose. That was a little over two years ago. I don't know if the pain ever entirely goes away, Misty. I'm afraid as mothers, we may carry it always. My only source of strength is in my friends, my belief in a loving Heavenly Father and in my family. Still I long to see him again and I wish it could have been different. He has siblings too and one is particularly devastated by this because he was so special to her. It's hard, I know.

Misty - posted on 02/25/2010

I thank each and everyone of you whom have replied to my post. They all have been very helpful in letting me know what the future holds. I too am sorry for all of your losses, and greatly appreciate your time. thanks again. ~Misty.

Tammy - posted on 02/25/2010

As the others have said, you never forget, and the pain never goes away, it just changes and becomes a bit easier to manage.

Susan - posted on 02/24/2010

I lost my daughter 11 years ago to post transplant lymphoma. My heart will always be broken as a results. My other children are balm on the wound....but the pain is always there. You just learn to live with that pain and loss. Life does go on, the years go on. Some days are easier than others. I think everyone is different and as a result deal with that loss differently....I hope it helps to hear that after all these years, I still ache for my daughter as well. God bless you and your family....

Melissa - posted on 02/23/2010

Time does heal. I lost my son last october when i was 19 and i have found that if i limit myself to an hour a day that is dedicated to my son and remembering the 8 1/2 months that i carried him and the love that i feel for him i do not feel ashamed that i do not think of him for the rest of the day. dedicate some time to write to your child about your day or week. celebrate their birthdays and dedicate the family time to grieve for their lost sibling, child, neice, nephew, cousin, grandchild. also with your children that are here celebrater their achievements. it shows the lost children that you are all making the best of the situation that they have been dealt. i hope that my advice helps anybody and everybody. i know its helped me.

Heather - posted on 02/23/2010

The pain never goes away, but it does get more manageable. Serena's been gone for seven years. There are still times it hits me between the eyes, but I am finding the regular day to day easier. When I was studying grief in my masters program when she's only been gone two years and found out that the say it takes seven years for parents to get over the depression of losing a child, I thought surely they were wrong. They weren't. The truth is, even now, 7 1/2 years later, the depression cloud sill shadows some of my days. BUT it is not the searing, raw pain that it is in the first several years. And, in my opinion, I wouldn't want the pain to go away completely. She was my precious little girl and her loss should always be with me, just not so greatly that I can't find happiness and wholeness in my life. Serena was my first, so my other children never got a chance to meet her. That is something I haven't walked. I know that we have been open with the kids about her and we've left up several pictures and they have had to wrestle with understanding the sister that they will never know. It affects them, but I believe if we are open with them, they can deal with it in a positive and healthy way. Just keep talking to your daughter. I pray that the pain begins to lessen. It's a horrible thing we've had to walk.

Ambreen - posted on 02/23/2010

time is a great healer but u cannot forget ur child for a moment

MELISSA - posted on 02/22/2010

I JUST LOST MY LITTLE GIRL NOV 25, 2010 AND I NEVER THOUGHT IN A MILLION YEARS THAT I WOULD BE GOING THRU THIS I WISHED A MILLION AND ONE TIMES THAT GOD WOULD HAVE JUST GAVE MY LITTLE GIRL JUST A STARTING CHANCE JUST A HEAD START THEY SAY THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON BUT I STILL HAVE YET TO SEE WAT THAT REASON IS...AND THE PAIN I HAVE IS STILL HERE LIKE IT HAPPENED YESTERDAY.

Mary Jane - posted on 02/22/2010

I agree with the others- you never get over losing a child, but the day does arrive you are able to cry less and even smile when someone or something reminds you of them. It has been 11 years since my son was killed and I have grief burst even now. But it is not with the same intensity felt those first few years. I am sorry for your loss too.

Marie - posted on 02/20/2010

Time just goes on, and you become a different person. Not necessarily a bad thing because you can be there to help others in their grief. It's ok to feel the pain and to grieve....we are human and we keep our loved ones alive by remembering them after they leave us. I lost my son due to an auto accident in 2005, and I cry as I write this now. Just know that others love you and need you and you need to go on for them and to keep your loved one's memory alive.

Robin - posted on 02/20/2010

I think time helps you learn how to deal with the loss of your child, but I think you always miss them and wonder what if he/she were here. I think the pain intensifies around the anniversary of there death and on my sons birthday sometimes I have a hard time keeping my mind in present time because I always try to imagine what Brandon would be like, what type of a man he would have become would he have married and if there would have been grandchildren My son passed away 30 years ago and would celebrate his 31st birthday soon. I can remember everything that happened on the day of his death. I found him and still at times close my eyes and see him that morning like it is happening now. But you do go on and you con have a life full of love and laughter it is possible and will happen in time but you will always remember your child and always dream or image what life would be if they were still with you.

Rene' - posted on 02/20/2010

No. Time only helps you learn how to live with the huge hole and pain in your heart. My son Ben has been gone for 5 1/2 years and I the pain can be very raw and happen at the most unexpected times, like for me today, I miss Ben very much today and it is not an anniversary, birthday, or anything special. Just a day. Our loss was very traumatic where my dear husband, out of his routine, forgot to drop him off at day care, in June, and the day care never called to ask where he was, and he was only one of 5 babies in his day care class. I have been in therapy for 4 years. My husband and I are still married, it was just a horrific accident and he would have given his life to bring Ben back. We are doing well and my strength is our oldest son who is now 10 but was only 4 when his brother went to heaven. I believe all children who go back to heaven are guardian angels for other babies and children. (((hugs)))