Kimberly - posted on 10/16/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )
My daughter was three months old when she died of accidental suffocation. I felt and still, two years later feel as though it is my fault. After she threw up all over her bassinet I cleaned her up, put her in clean clothes, and laid on her on the couch in the next room, putting a pillow next to her so she wouldn't fall off and get hurt. Well the pillow stopped her from rolling off, but she ended up with her face down into it and it suffocated her.
I had a one and a half year old son at the time, who will now be four in about three months. I have started having these terrible dreams, where it feels as though I can't breath. Then, in the dream, I wake up from not being able to breath, only to go check on my son and find that he is pail, unmoving and not breathing, much like my daughter was when I saw her after she died.
I always end up waking up at this point in the dream, running into my son's room, and half waking him up just to be positive that he is still alive. I will then just sit on his bed, holding him and rocking back and forth even long after he has fallen back to sleep.
I just want to know if any one else has had these kinds of dreams, and if so what helped you to deal with them?