Dreams about bad things happening to my living child

Kimberly - posted on 10/16/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My daughter was three months old when she died of accidental suffocation. I felt and still, two years later feel as though it is my fault. After she threw up all over her bassinet I cleaned her up, put her in clean clothes, and laid on her on the couch in the next room, putting a pillow next to her so she wouldn't fall off and get hurt. Well the pillow stopped her from rolling off, but she ended up with her face down into it and it suffocated her.

I had a one and a half year old son at the time, who will now be four in about three months. I have started having these terrible dreams, where it feels as though I can't breath. Then, in the dream, I wake up from not being able to breath, only to go check on my son and find that he is pail, unmoving and not breathing, much like my daughter was when I saw her after she died.

I always end up waking up at this point in the dream, running into my son's room, and half waking him up just to be positive that he is still alive. I will then just sit on his bed, holding him and rocking back and forth even long after he has fallen back to sleep.

I just want to know if any one else has had these kinds of dreams, and if so what helped you to deal with them?

Kim

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Jessika - posted 3 days ago

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So I e been dreaming the last few nights my children getting hurt.. Like swallowing glass falling in a hole.. Drowning. I'm scared to fall asleep cause I can't stand my babies being hurt. The dreams are so real. Then I get up the next day. To find the things that hurt them in the dreams.. Why?!?

Leigh - posted on 11/05/2010

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I just lost my daughter almost the same way. She was 2months old and rolled onto her stomach while she was sleeping and didnt move her head to the side like she normally would. I also have a son who will be 16months on the 17th. I havent had those dreams yet but I will tell you it is not your fault. I put a pillow next to my son and daughter whenever I laid them on the couch. The dreams will eventually disappear once you truly accept that it wasn't your fault and that God had this in his plan for your daughter. I am starting to realize that but its still hard to realize. I still have fears of something like this happening to my son and so does my husband. We are constantly checking on him during the night to the point where its like we have a newborn again and are taking turns getting up with them. Just know that what your doing is ok and normal.I am hear if you need to talk

Lori - posted on 10/27/2010

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I lost my daughter in a car wreck. Several years later when my other daughter started driving I had nightmares where I relived the wreck over and over and would have panic feelings when my daughter was out on the road. I just came to the point where I had to give it to God. Pray for her safety and realize that He is in control. She actually had a wreck a month ago hitting a tree head on. She called me immediately and I went to her. I didn't panic, I had this feeling that she was ok. There wasn't but one little bump on her and she was fine. God can take away any anxiety you are feeling if you ask him to.

Emily - posted on 10/22/2010

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I lost my daughter at 17 weeks of pregnancy and that was 9 months ago. Recently I have been having dreams where people a coming to take my son or hurt him, he's two now. However, my worst was a dream where my husband told me my son had a brain anyurism and I went in his room to find him laying in a pool of blood. I picked him up and begged him to "stay with me". I told my husband to call an ambulance and when I looked at my son the side of his head was caved in. When I woke up it was to hear my son crying so of course I ran to his room where he looked at me and said "Choo-choo" which was the best sound in the world. They only way I can deal is by constantly telling myself that it's not true and that he's fine. It doesn't stop me from checking on him 100 times a nite but I feel if that's what I need to be reassured then that's what I'm going to do. I will mention that I was on lots of medication after the death of my daughter and did not start having the dreams until after I stopped taking it. I don't recommend medication to rid yourself of these dreams but felt it was important to add.

Kimberly - posted on 10/16/2010

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I'm sorry for your loss as well. No I never did have counselling I am not very good at talking to anyone, let alone a stranger about how i feel, the best thing I have been able to do is talk to other mom's who have been through the same things. Thank you so much for your advise I will try to take the time to calm down before checking on my son the next time I have this dream.

Kim - posted on 10/16/2010

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Firstly I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son 12 years ago and I still worry about losing my children. The dreams you are having are a result of your subconscious trying to deal with her loss. Have you had counselling or any form of help after her death? Working through you fears and feelings will help to ease the dreams. Also your son is alot older than you daughter and is capable of moving position if he isnt getting enough oxygen. My only suggestion I have is when you wake up in a panic, take a moment to breath and calmly go to your sons room, try not to wake him up. If you take then time to calm down and delay your reaction, this will decrease your stress in time.
Be kind to yourself and I think its ok to have concern for your children, you just need to calm it down. :)

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