enjoying your new baby in the first few months after the loss of a baby a few months old

User - posted on 10/01/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Two years ago, in July of 2008, my 3 month-old daughter, Emma, died unexpectedly from complications from her heart defects. We were in the car on our way to a regular check-up with the cardiology clinic. Even though she had a complicated heart defect, called HLHS, she made it well through her first open heart surgery and was expected to live much longer. Well, needless to say, it has been a rough couple of years. Now, in July of this year, I had a little boy who is healthy and is already 2 and a half months old. I also have a healthy 5 year-old daughter.
I currently find myself feeling huge grief as my son is now cooing, smiling, and doing the same things my daughter Emma did when we enjoyed her the most, during the last month of her life. I have trouble dealing with this grief, and, though very happy that my son is healthy and developing normally, I miss all these same stages and milestones from my daughter Emma. The two of them look so much alike also...
I would love to hear from other moms who have gone/are going through the same thing, with vividly remembering going through the same stages with the deceased child and all the feelings that all of that brings... How did you feel? What helped you honor your deceased child's life?

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Eliz - posted on 10/03/2010

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It's very difficult. My 17 month old son passed away in 2008 and 9 months later I gave birth to another boy. Watching as they go through the same milestones as the one before its hard not to compair them and now that my little one is older than the one I lost I wonder what things he would have been doing at this age and what things he would be doing at the age he should be now. The grief never goes away but with time and lots of support from others it becomes more managable. I honor my baby by talking about him, sharing him with other people. I have a myspace page and facebook page solely for the purpose of sharing him with the world. God bless you. Its a very tough road we all travel.

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