Feeling Sad today about my loss of my daughter

Rachael Ann - posted on 08/07/2012

I hope you feel better
when it seems to come out randomly like that when you have been fine for a while
it is probably because you were accidently keeping all of those feelings bottled up..
and your heart and mind can only hold so much pain before they just overflow with grief.
its normal, and if you start talking about it more regularly with someone besides your husband, it will be healthier for you and you may not break down as often.
I lost my 18 month old last august and i cant really talk to my fiance about it so i go through the same feeling as you..

i hope you feel better.

MaRia - posted on 07/28/2012

I am new to the group. My daughter Desire' passed away 19 weeks ago today - You are right no mother should have to go through this pain. It has forever changed me. I too have found out that others just don't experience what a mother goes through - not even the father, brothers or sisters.It makes it hurt more when the one's you count on aren't there for you in the way you need. It is a very lonely process. I'm not sure that I will ever be me again - I miss my Desire' so much. I want her here with me. Angela, I am so sorry for your heartache. May God give you peace tonight.

MaRia

Angela - posted on 07/28/2010

Thank you everyone who commented on my post I know it has been a long time since I have been on hear. I am so sorry for all your little lost angels. I find myself looking at pictures whether it be from middleschool all the way up to before her passing and find myself thinking who would have known I was going to loose a child back then so sad. My son was in St.Louis Children's Hospital from july 9th to July 17th he had Ecoli and it caused his kidneys to get down to only 25% function and caused his red blood cell count to get so low he had to have 2 blood transfusion's I was so scared I told my husband if we lost him another one I would be put in a nut house for sure this time, good news he is back to normal kidney function and his red blood cells are creeping back up to where they need to be. Thank God his plan was to leave him here with us. Hope everyone is coping with their grief a little better these days. Talk to ya girls and guys later.

Rose - posted on 07/07/2010

Angela, I am so sorry for your loss. Allow your self to grieve whenever the process takes place. Grief has to happen and we all grieve differently. Don't hold it against your husband that he is not able to cry with you. He may cry secretly fearing that crying with you would make the healing process more difficult for you. Grief is a very individualized process with no timeline. Any little thing can trigger it - even our hormones. Be at peace - rosie

Patti - posted on 07/06/2010

Remember girls, men don't carry that child. They don't have the hormones to deal with either. It is much more difficult for them to experience the growing and birth (physically) AND they don't go through the increase/decrease and ups and downs associated with birth. THEN they have to deal with us dealing with the birth, death, pregnancy and recovery. Most of them don't know what to say or how to say it. Some of us even yell at them when we are giving birth and tell them to GET AWAY FROM US!! So try to keep it in perspective.

Bridget - posted on 07/06/2010

Hi Angela,
First of all sorry for the loss of your little angel, I lost my baby boy 4 years ago in August and it has been a rollercoaster for me, my husband has never cried with me and I have come to accept that now, we just grieve differently from men.
You are very normal to feel sad you just miss your daughter, there is often sad days for me and I have no particular reason, just missing my boy. It is good to talk and keep posting we all understand too well the pain of loosing our most precious gift a child.

Take Care Bridget.x

Karma - posted on 07/06/2010

Angela,
my son Isaac would have been 6 this year if he was still with us, i sometimes have days where they are really bad and somedays i have really good days this year was the first time in about 2 to 2 1/2 years that i have gone to see my son.
I know how you feel about your husband welll not cry with you neither well mine if when our son passed away he never cried, but i caught him one night whining in his sleep. Men tend to deal with it in many ways which us women dont understand and somedays thank god for that. i learned that after i dont know how long after getting mad at him all the times i did.
you well have good days and then you well have really good days just remember all the good time you had.

Mandy - posted on 07/06/2010

This reply is for Natasha. With waves of depression I have the opposite problem. I want to sleep alllll the time! I find the best help for me is to talk and let it out. I had a therapist for a bit but good ones are hard to find and mine retired. So now, I lean on my BFF, hubby, and people that can relate to what I am going through. I hope this helps some. Anytime you need to talk just look me up on FB.

Patti - posted on 07/05/2010

My daughter would have been 31 today. It seems like yesterday that I lost her. The weird thing is that as I got farther away from that day (in years), I still get depressed and weepy as the birthday approaches. Every year it gets me and I don't actively think about her all the time. Yesterday and the day before I found myself being VERY sensitive about things and on the edge of tears most of the day. Yep, today's the day. It still makes me sad, but not devastatingly so any more. I was fortunate enough to have 3 more children. My husband doesn't cry either, but we all grieve differently. It's as simple as that and is truly a waste of your energy to worry about it. PLease take it from someone who has been married for 33 years that it's not good for your marriage to try to "fix" your husbands differences or be upset by them. Instead try to find things you can enjoy together.

Kerrin - posted on 07/04/2010

Men grieve in their own way, as frustrating as it may seem to us. My husband has never cried in front of me since we first got the news that our daughter wasn't going to live. Took him 6 months to even mention her name, she was just always the baby. I asked him once why & he told me it was because he felt he was doing the right thing for me. He will talk about her with me & family.

I found holidays very hard last year, seeing it was Christmas Eve we found out about Ashley & then she was born a few days into the New Year. I think it's because we see holidays as time to spend with family & for me, it felt as if we weren't all there.

Jackie - posted on 07/04/2010

hi angela i lost my son sean 4 years ago and every now and again i have my moments you never seem to move on its takes a lot of time and healing my husband was the same but one day you will grieve together and them you will become a couple again take care i wish you all the best jackie english

Stephanie - posted on 06/28/2010

I am so sorry for your loss. Bad days are the new normal, for those of us who have lsot a child, things will never be the old normal again. I too just have days sometimes when I just can't help but cry because I miss my daughter so much and I just wish she could be here with us. I deal with thte samething with my husband, losing Makaila never seemed to hit him like it did me, I was quick angry with him for a while because he wasn't "hurt" by losing her the way I was. But I've come to terms with the fact that everyone grieves differently and it may sound bad but woman are closer to their children especially when they are babies (I don't know how old your Angel was~?) so it may feel like your world was turned upside down when to a man it may just feel like the loss of a loved one. Hang in there, days like this wil continue to happen out of no where but you will get through them. I wish you happiness and God Bless you Angel.

Christy - posted on 06/26/2010

im sorry for your loss and your right no mother should ever have to go through loseing a child tommorow is the 3yr anniversary of loseing our oldest son he was 16 he passed in 07 and then our baby boy was still born in 08 ,anyways for two to three months befor the anniversary date i get really emotional i cry alot and i believe its ok to cry and show emotions over the loss of your child anytime you feel like it ,my dr. actually told me that she was glad that i was crying and angry ,because she said if i couldnt cry or be angry then that would mean i was shutting down and then she would be worried about me so go ahead be sad ,cry,be ,angry its all apart of the grieving process and you dont have to put a time limit on your feelings ........

Natasha - posted on 06/25/2010

Angela, and Mandy I feel both of you all pain. My son would have been 6yrs old this year and it seems like all I have is bad days...The holidays aren't the same. It helps me to know that I am not the only one going through this..Do yall have problems sleeping at night?If so what do you.

Mandy - posted on 06/25/2010

Angela, I am so sorry you had a bad day. My daughter, Savannah would have been 6 this year and I STILL have bad days. And, they aren't necessarily around holidays or birthdays. Sometimes, something completely random happens and I just miss her so much (and have to cry). BUT, all of this is normal, in a manner of speaking. Losing a child is certainly not normal but grieving in a way that fits you and helps you through your pain is normal. Don't worry about what anyone else says. I also had issues with my hubby. He cried that day our daughter was born (she was stillborn at 40 weeks) and the day of her funeral and I have never seen him cry since then. I talked to him about it because I too was angry and hurt. He said he had moments that he would get really depressed and still does but that I became his priority. He felt like he had to be strong for me and take care of me because he couldn't let anything happen to me. And, honestly, he was my rock. I would not have been ok without him. I know I am going on and on but I know it feels better to know you aren't alone. If you have any questions or just need to talk feel free to add me as a friend on FB. I would be more than happy to chat and help in any way.