Finding it really hard to grieve

Kim - posted on 10/02/2009

I understand. My son was much older when he was killed and he has a sister 10 months older so i had to be concerned about her too. I returned to work only two weeks after losing him, that was 7 years ago and honestly I believe I was emotionally numb. There are times even today I am struck by the loss and am overwhelmed with missing him. My car is my special place. That is where I go to scream. You have to release when it comes but honestly I thought something was wrong with me that I wasnt totally falling apart until someone gave me permission to grieve in my own way and by accepting that I didnt put any undue pressure on my self to react like people expected. Allow yourself to be in the moment and plan time away from the little ones to just get in touch with your feelings. It wont stay bottled up it will come out in some way, try and make sure it is in a positive way and not distructive.

Teresa - posted on 09/30/2009

Dearest Michelle, My heartfelt thoughts & prayers are with you. My son, Denny, died in a car accident 6 years ago, August 17, 2003. He was 19 years old. I will never "get over it", and don't let ANYONE tell you "it's time to move on". The ONLY way I get through it is second by second & FAITH in God & Our LORD Jesus Christ. It does get easier to live with. It just takes time & prayer. If you ever just need someone to breathe with (phone), that knows EXACTLY what you're going through, please email me & I will be honored to do so. God Bless You & Keep Praying, Teresa

Karen - posted on 09/29/2009

Michelle I can only say trust God and don't lean to your own understanding. Time will eventually heal your aching heart. I lost my 19 year old son which was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I never got over it, but I have learned to go on.You will make it through this. Just keep your mind on God, he will help you.

Sharon - posted on 09/29/2009

First things first. You cannot fall apart. Leaving your other 2 babies would be the same as you losing all 3 of your children. How depressing would that be?? You do whatever you gotta do to grieve for that baby. If it's kicking, screaming whatever it is just do it. Of course your allowed to. You need to you have to. and you dont have to take forever doing it. Just take one or two days to yourself and doing nothing but scream, cry, cuss and tear stuff up. After thats done you can learn to come to grips with it and get on with life.

Lisa - posted on 09/29/2009

It is hard to grieve for the child you lost while still trying to maintain some normalcy for the children who are living. After my daughter was killed, I had to raise my son on my own. I had to find time for myself to grieve. We built a small rose garden in the backyard with a bench and that is where I still go to be with my daughter. Everyone grieves differently and every mom(and grandma) grieves the hardest. We were not meant to lay our children to rest. Use your family and friends for support and take time out to be alone and grieve for your child. My thoughts and prayers are with you

Bets - posted on 09/29/2009

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. Grieving while you still have other children who need you is very, very hard. Although I didn't lose a child, I did lose my grandson on September 2, 2009. He was 5 years old and fell out of a 3rd story window. The damage was just too great for him to survive.



I also have trouble grieving. I have a full-time job, helping my daughter cope with the loss of her very healthy 5 year old, and helping my other grandson who is 8 deal with losing his baby brother and playmate.



All I can say to you is take whatever help anyone offers you. If you have friends and/or family that have said if you need anything to call - take them up on the offer. Call them to come and babysit for you for a few hours. Take a drive alone somewhere, park and think about your baby. Cry. Scream. Whatever it takes to help you feel better.



Good luck with everything. I hope you find some way to grieve for your son. It is important that you do that in order to live.



Best of luck, Michelle. I'm thinking about you.

Leanne - posted on 09/28/2009

Im sorry to here of your loss.. I lost a little girl (Angel) Jan 21st 2008. On 19th Jan 08 (my oldest daughter birthday) i felt un well and went to bed early,woke up early hours in the morning feeling ill, cut a lonr story short fount out my baby girl had no heart beat and the following day i gave birth to a gawjus baby girl! I too fount it hard to grieve as i had my other lil girl (who is 2yr now) and i pushed it to the back of my mind untill my due date and then i opened the flood gates and within weeks i was to diagnosed with depression, i tried so many tablets and councilling and nothink seemed to be getting frew!! then i wrote Angel a letter and after that i felt a bit better so i went and got my self a journal and wrote all my feeling and fourts down every night untill it became every few nights and so fourth.... I also now have a box for her and every special event that happens i either write her a card for bdays and xmas or for weddings,partys ect i take a pic and put it in there so she has her own memories and that has helped me but please dont suffer in silence you are not alone and im sure a family member or a friend would be willing to listen, if not im here and i would gladly listen cus sometimes thats all we need... hope this has helped let me no how you are lv Leanne xx

Heather - posted on 09/28/2009

I dont know any words of wisdom...I lost my son a fullterm stillborn this May. Everyday is different somedays I hide out and just cry. Other days I force myself to go to playdates with my 2 1/2 yr old and keep busy. Those days are better not because the pain isnt with me because he is still on my mind but because my daughter is happy and the child I have shouldnt suffer because of the lose of her brother. I try to think of each day like that. I also made a baby book for myself and for my daughter to see him and talk about him...the more I look at it the more I feel blessed just to carry him and feel him and to have met him even if he was already gone. Just know your not alone!