First a stillborn and then a Tubal - Thank God for the one I have at home

Jana - posted on 08/13/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )




4 Years ago I was pregnant with my first child. At 31 weeks I had to give birth to a stillborn son, Damian. No answers as to why he no longer had a heartbeat but that the pregnancy was over and I had to go through 24 hours of labor while utterly depressed and shocked. A year later my son Thomas was born at 35 weeks. No answers to why I went into labor but thankfully he was fine and healthy. 6 months ago I find out I am pregnant again and so excited for another child. 2.5 weeks after finding out I was pregnant I found out it was a tubal pregnancy and I had to have it along with my entire falopian tube removed. Now after trying for the last 3 months to get pregnant I am getting discouraged and I don't understand why I have to have all the troubles. My entire family all around me is having babies and I find that at times I am quite jealous and envy of their families. Is there anything I can do to keep my spirits up.

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Karen - posted on 08/14/2009




It is very normal to feel jealous of those around you that are having normal healthy babies. It is what you are hoping for. We can't understand why we have to suffer through losses and others don't but we can learn from every experience we encounter.

One thing I would suggest is to relax about getting pregnant again. It will come in time and the more anxious and discouraged you feel the harder you will be trying and the more difficult it is to become pregnant due to the stress you are putting on yourself.

I know this is easier said than done, but three months is not a long time, in fact, on average it takes about six months.

Don't be so hard on yourself about your feelings, you have been through a lot of truama and will be dealing with a lot of different feelings over time. Just keep saying to yourself that all this(feelings of discouragement, jealousy, frustration...etc) is normal and it too shall pass.

You will one day have your family complete and no longer feel this way, but you will never forget the ones that you lost.

Melissa - posted on 08/13/2009




Your story is some what like my own. We lost Stefanie in May of this year. At 32 weeks. Her heart rate just kept going down and I was rushed for an emergency c-section. My world totally ended I did not know what to do, what to say, how to think. My cousin was there that night and she is like my other mom I actually do call her mom (well mum) and I kept asking her "what do I do" and she just like me didn't know what to do. She was my best support of course my boyfriend was good support but we were both so torn apart it was hard to look at each other without crying. I lost Stefanie a day before mothers day. That day my dad brought my six year old to see me. I then realized that I can get on with life because of that little boy. I smiled again he hugged me and said I'm sorry mommy. If I didn't have him I would still be walking in circles.

One thing I learned from this is that life does go on and you do begin to see the light of day again. I can totally sympathize with others having babies because it is happening to to as well. Everyone around me is pregnant or just having their bundle of joy. They ask me to come visit but I fear that if I hold their baby I will cry. I want to be pregnant again and then I don't I'm figuring out my ovulation and then wondering if I'm doing the right thing (I think my family is holding me back a lot on this one, I know they won't be happy which hurts me. We were going to have one regardless so it makes me wonder, but I shouldn't worry about them, but I do). I heard that god will never give you too much you couldn't handle and he knows what we can do. I think God knew I couldn't handle having a sick child not financially but emotionally. God will give you a baby and he will give me another to love and raise. We just have to be patient he knows what is best for us. Loads of baby dust to you.

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