for those of you who never got to take your baby home

Laura - posted on 04/22/2010 ( 38 moms have responded )

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i have a personal question to ask to the mothers who gave birth to their babies and never got to take them home, its a personal question, but it's not malicious or anything like that.

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Janet - posted on 06/24/2010

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i didn't get to hold my son or take any pics. i was in surgery when he was taken away. my husband couldn't have him in the same room not knowing if i was going to live or not. so all i have is a small dress the hospital gave me. i would have loved to have a hand print. from a mom who has almost nothing of her first son thank you for thinking of us.

Christina - posted on 06/23/2010

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Laura thats a wonderful idea and one that all mothers would love. I lost my son Xander at 17weeks and the hospital was so sympathetic and great with what they provided. They gave me a blue heart shaped box that contained pictures of him and the bunny, blankets, and clothes he had taken pictures with along with a birth certificate, a baby ring, small hospital bands with his name and date and foot prints. They also provided a teddy bear with a bead necklace of his name around it. I have it in our master bedroom on a white shelf next to my side of the bed. I placed my hospital wrist bands in there as well. Anything a mother can take with her to keep the few but precious memories of their babies would be very appreciated. I would have loved to have plaster moldings of his hands and feet. I am thankful for what I received.

Kristal - posted on 06/23/2010

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I think you have a wonderful idea! I My daughter Zoe was stillborn October 27,200 at 41 1/2 wks, due to a blood clot in the umbilical cord. The nurses were kind enough to take pictures for me and do hand and footprints. They also gave me a lock of her hair. Those are things i treasure.

Angela - posted on 06/22/2010

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That would be so helpful. As a mother who lost her daughter at 36 weeks. I had no memories, so the more things they can take home that has to do with their child the better. Each piece of paper with their name and info, any article of colthing they wore, any blanket used on them, and pictures taken and ect. are all the memories we have of our babies. I miss my little girl Brookellyn K Williams

Lawanda - posted on 06/10/2010

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I lost my daughter a year ago on May 28, 2007. That was the hardest thing that I did ever to do. I had her at home by myself. I don't remeber how many months I was but she was stillborn. Her name is Mala Na'jay Collins. I think about her all the time.

Melissa - posted on 06/06/2010

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Laura, I lost my first baby boy after 17 very long days in the NICU. He had to be delivered 16 weeks early because I developed the HELLP syndrome. The hospital made a bereavemnet box for my husband and me, but I never knew about it. I didn't even find out it until my second son was in the same NICU. We became good friends with several of the nurses that took care of my two little men. When one of the nurses handed me the box, it brought tears to my eyes. I was holding my little Owen in one hand and the memory box that they had put together for Connor in the other. I think what you are doing is amazing. And from the bottom of my heart I thank you. One the friend thing... when I lost Connor, I went into a "hole" and pushed away everybody. It took me almost a year to finally start getting out and being around people.

Amy - posted on 06/04/2010

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the hospital i went to did just that for me. they made a mold of the handprints, took pictures, even make a little bracelet for my baby with her name on it. they baptized her with water from a seashell which i got to keep and many other things which they put in a keepsake box for me and let me take home. it was the best thing ever and all i have left of my baby. everybody needs something to hold on to their baby by.

Laura - posted on 05/25/2010

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i lost my son on april 3rd this year he had nemaline myopathy he was 12 days old and i think its a wonderful idea we were able to take a few of his things home after he passed away and we took as many pictures as we cud of him as we new he was going to die we miss him very much

Amber - posted on 05/24/2010

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I lost my son at 28 weeks ges. in November 2009. It was the hardest thing for me to deal with. The hospital I went to gave me a blue box with pictures, his clothes, footprints, ect .. I think this would be a wonderful idea for the mothers that dont have anything to hold on to, I know some places dont do much. Its a wonderful thing that you feel this way, and want to help. My best advice is to give the woman support who lost her baby. Thank you for caring about mothers that loose their children.

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I lost my son Joshua in 1994 - he lived for 45 minutes and I didn't get to hold him until I came out of recovery from an emergency c-section and he had already passed. When the nurse first asked me if I wanted to hold him I said no. It was my mom who encouraged me to hold him. It was the best decision I ever made! They also took a photo of him and saved his bonnet, the tape they used to measure him and put it with his birth certificate. Again they asked me if I wanted these things and I said no. My mom asked if she could take them because she felt that I might change my mind. Of course I did...I think that your idea for a kit is wonderful!!! I think that everyone would feel differently about whether or not they want a plaster casting of their baby's hand, but I know that I would have definitely said yes! We all grieve differently and we also look at rememberance in different ways...I think your idea is wonderful! Good luck and let us know if you get this going. It would certainly be a good model to bring to other states.

Trinity - posted on 05/07/2010

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Think this is a wonderful idea. I had a son Deamian in 2007 at 23 weeks gestation and all i have is pictures that my family took. I wish that I had more to hold.

Tracey - posted on 05/05/2010

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This would be even better if there was something you could give the mom's who never even got to hold their babies, like a picture of babies feet with a poem, or even a candle in blue or pink or both if they didn't know the sex of the baby, I guess my point is that even if it was an early misscarriage or death in utero those babies and mothers need support to

Jolene - posted on 05/05/2010

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I lost my daughter in 1996 when I was 7 months pregnant. It was a very traumitizing thing for me. Not just LOSING my daughter but my OBGYN called it a spontanious abortion which destroyed me, and I had to carry her another two weeks after she passed to see if I would naturally go into labor, which I didnt do. I had so many false hopes as I felt her jostle around it was like she was really moving. I delivered her at Mercy Hospital in Portland, Maine. I ended up delivering her with only my mom and husband in the room as there was no waiting for the doctor. But my nurse was so kind and caring. they dressed her in a premie gown and cap wich still dwarfed her, wrapped her in a hand made quilt and elderly lady donated, and we held her for hours, and cried, knowing we would never see her again or have any memories. I remember talking about no memories but bad ones. My nurse even cried with us!! We didnt have anything like you want to do here atleast not then. But my nurse took poloroids, many many of them, some with a carnation, some with a teddy bear. She did foot and hand prints, she gave me a birth type certificate with her prints on them with her weight and length etc., she took to her own home the premie dress my daughter wore, the premie cap, and the blanket she was wrapped in and washed them. Then she put them all in a shoebox she decorated herself and mailed it to me from her home. I was so amazed and thankful. That when my tears calmed from my loss and then I opened that more tears came for what she gave me. SO, I think what you want to do is the most thoughtful, caring, giving thing you could EVER do. Because for us moms that have lost, we have no more memories to build, no treasurable moments to capture, nothing to hold onto. and those gifts you eant to give allow us something to forever hold onto. You have a very big heart to even just THINK about doing such wonderful thing. From what I have read here it seems some communities do do this, maybe another generous person like yourself. But I am sure there are many out there in many states that dont. Maybe there is some way to put the idea in the minds of many places to do such a thing as well as where you chose to do it. Thank you, I must say for caring about other peoples losses in such a way. Thank you

Kerrin - posted on 05/04/2010

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I think it's a lovely idea for it to be an option.
My daughter was stillborn @36 weeks but we never to see her (due to the complications & circumstances). The hospital where she was born were amazing. So thoughtful, caring. They actually offer prints if parents want them (we were too upset at the time to make the choice but we're grateful that my mother told them to have it done), photos etc.... anything that parents may want during such offer circumstances.
So to be able to have the choice if it isn't automatically offered I think is a nice idea.

Nancy - posted on 05/04/2010

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I lost my Second at 16 weeks, not as long as some others but it was just as hard. I had to go through 6 hours of very difficult labour to deliver our baby who we knew still had a heart beat. Because I was only 16 weeks I had to endure most of my labour in the emergency room, I was there for 4 hours before they sent me to the labour and delivery rooms. It was by far the worst thing in my life. Your thoughts are what matter most.

Debbie - posted on 05/04/2010

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Hi Laura,i think its a lovely idea i had my son scott neary 7 years ago at 21 weeks and it is something that stays with you forever i had to make the hardest decission of my life to end my pregnancy we were given a box and prints of his tiny hands and feet which were perfect in every way i even kept the clothes that they dressed him in and his nappy they are the most important things that any mum can have of there children. Anything that is offered to help is a godsend. I treasure the little time i had with scott but know that he is safe and no one can harm him in anyway.We all need to cherish our children both here and gone i have 2 beautiful daughters who are 5 and 2 and they know all about there brother and his pictures stand along side theres he is a big part of our lives.

Karen - posted on 05/02/2010

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Hi Laura, I think it would be a very nice idea. Our little boy went home to the Lord just after birth, 5 years ago now. Our nurse was kind enough to do an ink footprint for us. I treasure it as one of the few little things we have as physical evidence of him.

Kelly - posted on 04/30/2010

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I lost a baby 3 hours after he was born. Anything you do is always a good thing. Though some might not see it that way, they will when time passes. The hospital did some things for us and I now cherish them as he was a part of us for a short time and will always be with us for a lifetime, After losing anothr child at the age of 22, I realize that children are leant to us for a short time and we should cherish that time. No matter how long they are here on earth, their memory lives on through us. Cherish what you have today, tomorrow could be different.

Lisa - posted on 04/30/2010

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That is a wonderful idea. My baby was stillborn at 34 weeks. Bayley was perfect. We got hand and foot prints a blanket and the clothes they dressed her in. my family and I got to sprend a couple hours saying good bye to her. We didn't have a camera with us when I went to my Dr appointment and was told they couldn't find a heart beat. I was then flown to Vancouver from prince George to deliver. So we had no camera my hubby bought a disposible camera and those are the only photos I have of my baby. If I could have more keepsakes of Bayley I would. I think it is a wonderful gift you could give at the worst moment of a parents life. Thank you for thinking of us who have few keepsakes and memories.

Jayne - posted on 04/27/2010

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I think that is a beautiful idea. My husband and I lost our little boy in Jan of 2009... he was 24 hrs old. I went into natural labour at 39 weeks.... i went 2 the hospital and they immediatly performed an emergency c section cause he was in distress. He died in the NICU of Townsville General Hospital in Australia of organ failure due to lack of oxygen. His death is still unexplained... this was also my 1st ever pregnancy. We were able 2 get him christened b4 he passed.. they had some gowns that some ladies had made that we were allowed 2 keep. The NICU staff were very thoughtful and collected a lock of hair, footprints and photos for us to keep.



On another note of what u were saying about the lady that lost her baby, let her know that u are there 4 support. I met a very special friend 3 months after and she had a baby close to our bub's age and it was very healing for me to have special time with him. It really did help me through.. cause i really didn't get a chance 2 b a mummy.

Sarah - posted on 04/27/2010

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I would say it's definitely a good idea for the hospitals in your area, just check first whether they have something like it already. I lost my baby girl in January...she was a day old (stuck in the birth canal, said her cord was pinched so she was braindead and we had to take her off lifesupport) But the Children's hospital let us take pictures and our whole family hold her. They asked if I wanted to bathe her but with all her tubes and me just having a c section, I declined. But the next day they gave us a box filled with the blanket she laid on, the handmade blanket/cape she had around her (knitted blanket with hood and strings, reminded me of little red riding hood) a hand mold, a heart mold with her feet, a lock of hair, and foot prints and her hospital bands. I thought it was the best thing ever so I had all these things to remind me of my girl (not like I'll ever forget her!) But I hold the blanket often. Plus the hospital had a professional photographer that took pics and a couple days later they brought us the disk and 2 printed out 5x7's of her. So any of these I think would be fantastic ideas. Pictures last a life time and I feel bad for those that don't get a picture of their baby.

Christie - posted on 04/27/2010

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Laura, that has to be one of the sweetest things I have heard in along time. Let me say as a mother who lost 2 babies, at the same time, to early labor that they just couldnt stop, I never stop thinking about my boys, and I get to watch my girls frow up. Although it gets easier as time passes away, my boys would have been 8 this past december 1, not a day goes by that I dont think about them. The hospital that I delivered them in does a similar thing when you loose a child. The box is either pink or blue, depending on the sex of the child, and in my case they were new born, so my boxes have birth pictures, their baptism certificate, birth and death certificates, a note from the delivery nurse, the hats they put on them, and the little shirts and a blanket that they were each wrapped in, and what would have been their crib cards, along with the bracelets they put on the babies. I have added a few personal things that I got from family, and all the sympathy cards I got. I still have some really hard days, like their birthday, christmas, my oldest daughters birthday is one of the hardest as her day and the boys day are only 2 days apart. But the memory boxes give me a little in site on remembering. When I have the really hard days I pull them out, and I look at the things I have to remind me of them, and it seems to help in some small way. I think it is a great idea, most hospitals offer some kind of memory kit if you are far enough along, and though I am sure there are some families who would not want the reminder, for those that do it helps.

Brandy - posted on 04/27/2010

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When I lost my first baby at 18 weeks they wisked her away and I wasn't offered the chance to say goodbye. I had been thru the tramatic experiance of sitting in my bathroom waiting for the ambulance holding my baby. I said good bye then. The second time I lost my son at 16 weeks. The hospital offered a kit. I have tiny hand and feet prints, pictures, poems in a beautiful box. I was offered the chance to hold him, say good bye and give him a funeral. It was so important to me that the hospital offered this. They saw my miscarrage as a real loss. This is an excelent idea. It helped me greatly.

Laura - posted on 04/27/2010

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thank you guys for sharing your stories with me ( and making me cry :) ) i wish there was no reason for my idea to even have formed...but there is. i am going to go price the heart shaped plaster molds and ask my friends for donations or giftcards to the craft store and i am going to start with the hospital my daughter was born and see how it is received there. i would like to start a big non profit company to do this!

Latrice - posted on 04/25/2010

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I lost my daughter on March 31, 2010 I was 8 months pregnant. I think what you're wanting to do is a very good idea. I live in Wilmington NC and they do something like that here. They bought a box to my room, the contained various things and they also have a group that makes baby blankets so I got to choose one and for the time that my baby girl got to stay in the room with me she was wrapped in it and she took pictures with it and I got to take the blanket home. Those things that they gave to me, meant a lot and especially the fact that I got to keep the blanket that she was wrapped in, I have things that we bought for her, but just the fact that she was wrapped in that blanket and it smells like her, it means a lot that I got to keep it. I didnt mean to write a book, but I would've loved to have her hand print, so I think it's a very good idea

[deleted account]

I lost my son during birth. We got a keepsake box from the hospital with a ton of pics, hand and foot prints, a lock of his hair, and many other things. I so grateful that I have all these things to remember him.

Tina - posted on 04/24/2010

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I miscarried between 14-17 weeks gest. and i delivered my completely formed baby and the hospital i delivered at has a bureavement specialist come in, dress the baby, make molds of the hands and feet, take pics of the baby and with mom and dad and give you a box with some poems, a duplicate of what my baby was dressed in, i call it a boxing robe cause it looks like a robe with a hood on it. My baby was too tiny to be in actual clothes he was 5" and 1.6 oz. but completely formed. so i think your idea is wonderful. Sometimes i wish the specialist could have molded his entire body so i would have something to hold when i miss him which is like daily.. maybe that sounds morbid but idk. like a life size replica of my baby. we were able to bury him at the cemetery the day after i delivered him.

Tristen - posted on 04/24/2010

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I lost my first baby sept 2007! Worst experience to ever go through, bu the hospital i gave birth in did give me a keepsake box filled with pictures of my daughter and a heart-shaped mold of her foot prints! I am so glad that i have that to look at! it helps on the rough days! She may be gone but because of the keepsake box i will always have a peice of her with me! so I think its an awesome idea!!!

Latoya - posted on 04/24/2010

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Hi Laura, I lost my son Jason on June 14th 2002 he was only 6 hours old and it hurt me really bad. They took him to another hospital and he died 10 minutes out of the other hospital i didnt know this till i got to the other hospital. I had to hold my dead son and thats the worse thing i imagied. I would have love to have something to remind me of him cause i dont have anything but a pic of him when he was born.

Danielle - posted on 04/24/2010

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HI Laura, i lost my beautiful son fletcher on october 12th 2009 he was 4 days old, when fletch went to sleep with the angels the NICU let me bathe fletcher, they provided me with clothes for fletcher and also took hand and feet prints, sum of his hair and gave me the blankets that fletch had laid on, the gave me all his personnel things in a beautiful box along with loads of pictures, so my memorys of my son are never eva far away. I think your idea is lovely and i no how much mine has helped me, when i think of fletch i hold and cuddle a blanket or smell is hat, i sit and look at the tiny tiny nappy and arm bands. all the best with your idea i support you fully xxxxxx

Shayna - posted on 04/24/2010

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Hi Laura. I lost my baby girl on January 19, 2009. She was 5 weeks old, I had her 15 weeks early. She was doing very well until she became sick with Necrotizing Enterocolitis (NEC for short). It's an imflammation of the bowels. She passed away in my arms a few hours after being diagnosed with it. I delivered her at St. John's Mercy Hospital in St. Louis, MO.

They were very understanding and helpful. I wahsed my baby, combed her hair, they took handprints and footprints and a lock of her hair and pictures, they put all of this in a book and had the NICU staff write notes. They sat aside a room for us, so we could have people come visit her and they even gave me a little dress to put on her, she looked so beautiful. They also had a professional photographer come out and takes pictures of us with her.

I don't think its intrusive for a nurse to offer some kind of keepsake for a woman who has lost her baby. I look at all the stuff they gave me and feel very blessed for them. It helps me by knowing my baby isn't just a memory, I have things to look at and touch.

Laura - posted on 04/24/2010

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okay let me give you some background so you know WHY i am asking this. my stepdaughter has a good friend who also has a stepmother. she was about 11 weeks behind me in pregnancy, and also having a girl. we compared notes and i saved hand me downs for her, she even held my daughter when she was born. i found out her daughter died during or shortly after birth. i cried when i found out. i squeezed my daughter so tight and i still cry while i am writing this. needless to say i didnt see her for awhile and it wasnt like we had become super close, our friendship was just budding....i felt guilty every time she came around. i never jknew what to say to her without it sounding in my head stupid and soo not the right thing.



anyways, i saw my stepdaughters friend again and she loves my baby, shes really good with her but she got a little tearyeyed when she told me how they got to hold their sister and have their picture taken with her for a keepsake.

that is what began my idea and i wanted to run it past other mothers who never got to take their child home.



i want to start a non-profit orginization that donates little kits to hospitals for this kind of situation. we would make little boxes and it would have one of those plaster hand print kits that you make in a heart mold. it would be FREE not something they add to the hospital bill or anything. but it would be something physical. i made my daughter one and although i get to watch her hand grow bigger i still treasure tracing her little fingertips and palm.



would it be intrusive for a nurse to offer to make a print for moms who are grieving? is this insensitive?

i just want to do something, i can't imagine the pain. and i want input. i want to help.

Laurie - posted on 04/23/2010

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Hello Laura. I am the mother of 20 children: 8 of them here on this earth and 12 with the Lord. My son, Paul, was stillborn in Dec. 2005. If I can help in any way, I would be glad to.
Laurie

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