Has anyone gone to grief counseling or seen a psychologist or pyschiatrist and if so, did it help?

Sarah - posted on 04/01/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I gave birth to Liliana on January 14, 2010, she was stuck in the birth canal and her oxygen must have been cut off because she had no heartbeat and was not breathing when the doctor finally got her out after 15 minutes by c section. They resuscitated her but was brain dead, so we had to take her off of life support the next day. We are going to an infant loss group once a month which helps a little, but I'm wondering if I should see someone one on one and if it'll help at all.

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Norhuda - posted on 04/07/2010

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Hi Sarah, I am so sorry for your loss.. no amount of words can help take away the pain but I pray that in time you will feel somewhat better.. My son, (if he were still alive) would have turned 4 yesterday.. and I lost him days before he turned 9 months.. Susan is right when she said that friends and family may sometimes hurt you with well-meaning but bad advice.. Do see someone who can help you with the grieving process. I was lucky as my best friend who is a counsellor helped me thru my grief mostly, especially in the early stages of my grief..so, it was more like one on one thing.. Years later, when I fell pregnant and felt guilty being pregnant, I realised that I still had issues so I went to see another counsellor who helped too.. So do go for the infant loss group but assess yourself and see if you need to speak to someone on one to one basis if you feel that you would need more contact/help as opposed to just being in the infant loss group.

Kerrin - posted on 04/16/2010

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My husband & I had counselling through our state SIDS organisation after our daughter arrived stillborn @36 weeks & for us, it really was a big help & she continues to help us. To have someone who just listened, let us cry, talk & say anything we wanted was what we needed. Our family was great, but sometimes I felt it was easier to talk to someone who wasn't involved as such. She never made us feel stupid for the lil things that seem to hurt or make things hard.

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Dear Sarah,
We lost our son, Cory on Aug. 16 2009. Since then, my husband and I have been attending a monthly support group called The Compassionate Friends. We have also met with a counseller to help us deal with our 4 year old daughter's grief. Since everyone goes through grief differently, I suggest that you do what makes you feel comfortable. If you need to seek out additional help apart from the monthly meeting, then do so.
For my husband and I, we are finding comfort attending the monthly meetings. His family and a few close friends are very supportive as well.
Take care of yourself, Sarah. xo

Mary - posted on 04/14/2010

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I lost my son at the age of 12 but I went to both. I felt the grief counseling helped me more because I had other people who could relate to my pain and I could just let it out and talk about him. My family all shut up if his name was mentioned or my other children walked in the room as if they were sparing us pain when in reality they caused the pain because they would not talk about him anymore.. I learned in counseling that you will talk about him until you truly cant talk anymore.. I TALKED ALOT!!!

Ashley - posted on 04/08/2010

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It has been just about 9 years for me and I didnt go to anything.But I think I might start too go see some one.9 years of holding it in just is not working any more.So do your self a favor and go.let it all out..

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MARIAN - posted on 04/08/2010

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Sarah I'm so sorry for your loss, this is such a hard time. I went for one to one after I lost my son Scott it was with a still birth society and the counselor had been through the same. It really helps and gives you to chance to cry or shout and express your emotions to someone who understands exactly what your going through. People often try to be kind and say the right thing but usually its the wrong thing here you can let all your emotions out.

Victoria - posted on 04/06/2010

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I lost my son to trisomy 13. its somthing that happens in 1 and every 3,000 babies i had already had a normal healthy boy who just turned 4yrs old. he was born dec 30 2009, and passed on dec 31, 2009. and i have been going to counceling still over losing him. I think it helps a lot because they help u to deal with the lose of a child and they do it in so many ways that u finally learn to accept that your child is in a way much nicer place than what any of us are. Joshua was born and didnt breath for the first 12 mintues when he was delivered and was life flighted to childrens hospital and he also was brain dead. and having to take him off life support like u did it was crazyiest thing i ever had to do. Choosen my sons death so i was so greatful for the day i did get to be with him and decided that i wasnt going to take him off life support on the same day of his birth. he was born at 4:48 a.m on 12/30/09 so i told the doctors that i didnt want what was suspose to be the happiest day of my life, i didnt want it to also be the saddest day either. So he could at least a full on day old. so they took him off his support at 4:48 on 12/31/09. its hard but hes my garden angle now

Rene' - posted on 04/06/2010

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I am so sorry you have to go through this pain of having a child go to heaven. Absolutely see someone one on one. You may have to try several until you find one that you connect with. You may also want to see a pyschiatrist if you are experiencing depression. What you are going through is the hardest pain anyone has to go through. My son Benjamin when to heaven at 6 months of age 6 years ago June after his father accidently left him in his truck all day. A group will help for a while, but you will need to one on one to deal with every single emotion you are feeling, and every single one you are feeling is normal. It is an excrutiating road of pain you will travel, but you will move forward one step at a time and will stumble, but you will get back up and keep moving forward. Liliana (what a beautiful name!) is your guardian angel and will guide you through this difficult time. Remember, be gentle to your self. (((HUGS))) Rene'

Victoria - posted on 04/06/2010

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I attend an infant loss support group, and the monthly meetings, being able to call the leader anytime, and the special, annual rememberance events have been enough for me. If you feel like you start to be "clinically depressed" then I'd recommend you see a professional. Being sad and depressed right now is natural and right. But you should probably start to be able to look back and see days getting a little better than they were the first few days/ weeks. Hope that helps!

Jennifer - posted on 04/05/2010

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I'm sorry that your daughter is an angel. My son Jackson was 19 and far from an angel but he was my baby. I saw both a psychiatrist and a grief counsellor and would recommend to anyone who has had a child die, that they try them out. Grief is individual and consuming but we're all entitled to "feel" what we do. Why not give them a go? If they help even a little then it's not wasted time. Anything's worth a go because it's bloody hard.
Good Luck!

Melissa - posted on 04/02/2010

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I am very sorry for your loss. When I lost my son, the hospital gave me a grief counselor. Shes great! She lost her baby at 41wks so she knows everything I am feeling, talking to her has really helped me. I can call her at anytime day or night. My OB gave me a few numbers for psychiatrists, but I haven't seen any yet. I probably should. Hang in there!

Susan - posted on 04/01/2010

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I did both couples counselling and counselling on my own after we lost our son. I definately recommend it. I went to the indivual counselling and it helped a lot. It gave me a safe outlet to really let my emotions out, plus having someone who is a grief counsellor meant I got feedback I could use. Friends and family can be very well meaning sometimes, but give really bad advice or say things that can really hurt, so it was nice to have someone who understood that.

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