Peggi - posted on 01/23/2009 ( 26 moms have responded )
I have had a few strange experiences & dreams that I'm afraid if I tell anyone because they'll think I've lost my mind. About 2 months after our baby died from SIDS I felt like I could feel him around me, I could even smell him. The smell was so strong. I was walking down the hall & I was actually afraid to turn around. I just knew that if I did there would be my dead baby with that dead face floating behind me. I could smell him several different times.I had horrlble dreams about reliving finding him dead, always with the dead face. I couldn't go a night without dreaming about him.
This went on for a few weeks. I started dreaming one night & I woke up with my heart just pounding. I opened my eyes & there was somone standing at the end of our bed. I shook my husband, freaking out because someone was standing there watching us. He couldn't see anyone & when I looked I couldn't see anyone either. I figured I was dreaming again. I went back to sleep, fow how long I don't know. All of a sudden I woke up & just knew that it had been Jesus standing there. I could suddenly in my mind see the robe, long hair & the beard. It took a sec but I suddenly felt safe, that everything was ok, that he was letting me know my baby was safe with him. He was beautiful with a smile on his face. My baby was happy. I can not explain the feeling that came over me..peaceful like. I went back to sleep but I started to dream terrible things again & I woke up. I opened my eyes, said "Nathan, I love you" out loud and went back to sleep. I have never had a nightmare since. That was 23 years ago.
When my other son died at 22, 17 years later, I just knew they were together & Justin was holding Nathan in his arms like he used to do. I have never dreamed about also finding him dead either.
I have told a few people & I get that look like.......Oh, here she goes. My husband believes me & Thanks God every day for taking the nightmares away. I feel blessed to have experienced this, I know it was real. It took away all the nightmares & fears. I really have to think about do I dare tell this person or will they call the physc ward???
I still miss them both terribly, can cry in a second or think of them with a smile. I'm still their mom....